WillJJ Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Just wandering what I should do in this situation. There is this woman who I really want to be with, and it's pretty obvious to me that she feels the same. But the thing is that she has a boyfriend. So I say OK whatever, but then when I go around flirting with other girls (just harmlessly,) I've seen her cry several different times. Even though she tries to hide the fact that she cries. Then she'll try to make me jealous by just flirting with other guys that we work around, until I decide again to focus 100% on her again. I can tell she flirts with other guys just to kind of bug me, because afterwards she pretty much ignores them again like before and spends her time around me. There's such a sexual tension between us that it's difficult to really communicate with her. Because either she's after me or I'm after her, but it's always back and forth. It seems like we're both afraid to risk the chemistry we have together. I really want to be with her, but I also want to know what she's thinking, or maybe what actions I should take. Should I try and be more aggressive, or just wait it out until maybe she breaks up with him? Or should I risk telling her openly what I feel about her? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 All of this stuff is irrelevant, because she has a boyfriend. When she finds the courage to break things off with him, then you can find meaning in her actions. Part of whatever attraction there is is fueled by the situation she's in. If/when she does break up with him, then she's going to need time to recover. After her recovery the chemistry you and she have could easily be changed to the extent that it's no longer possible for you to have what is only a fantasy at this point anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Just remember that, if you do get more aggressive and she splits with the other guy for you, in addition to getting a girl, you'll also get a guy with a grudge. Even if she had cause to leave him before, you'll be the reason, which means you'll be the target. Just my two cents, but if she's gonna leave the guy (that is, IF she is going to leave him), I'd let her close one chapter before opening another. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Just wandering what I should do in this situation. There is this woman who I really want to be with, and it's pretty obvious to me that she feels the same. But the thing is that she has a boyfriend. So I say OK whatever, but then when I go around flirting with other girls (just harmlessly,) I've seen her cry several different times. Even though she tries to hide the fact that she cries. Then she'll try to make me jealous by just flirting with other guys that we work around, until I decide again to focus 100% on her again. I can tell she flirts with other guys just to kind of bug me, because afterwards she pretty much ignores them again like before and spends her time around me. There's such a sexual tension between us that it's difficult to really communicate with her. Because either she's after me or I'm after her, but it's always back and forth. It seems like we're both afraid to risk the chemistry we have together. I really want to be with her, but I also want to know what she's thinking, or maybe what actions I should take. Should I try and be more aggressive, or just wait it out until maybe she breaks up with him? Or should I risk telling her openly what I feel about her? Maybe she's playing other guys at work.. with you.. It could be some kind of game for her.. with ALL (most) of the guys at work.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WillJJ Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 All of this stuff is irrelevant, because she has a boyfriend. When she finds the courage to break things off with him, then you can find meaning in her actions. Part of whatever attraction there is is fueled by the situation she's in. If/when she does break up with him, then she's going to need time to recover. After her recovery the chemistry you and she have could easily be changed to the extent that it's no longer possible for you to have what is only a fantasy at this point anyway. Well I know that because she has a boyfriend it's not my place to get in the middle of it. That's why I've tried staying away from saying anything or doing anything inappropriate. But I kind of lost focus from the purpose of my original post. I was mostly wondering why she acts like I'm rejecting her. Like I said, she'll begin to cry when I start flirting with other women. Or another thing she does, is if I'm talking to another girl, she'll find an excuse to come over and pull me away or interject in the conversation somehow. Or say if I show an interest in another woman, she'll be the first to point out that that other woman has a boyfriend, or smokes or otherwise is unavailable. Just so that I don't start flirting around her. It might only be a fantasy that I hope we'll be together, but I'm actually most curious as to what is going through her mind. I mean if she chooses to be with someone else, then why bother with me. It's her actions that just continue to fuel the fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WillJJ Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 Just remember that, if you do get more aggressive and she splits with the other guy for you, in addition to getting a girl, you'll also get a guy with a grudge. Even if she had cause to leave him before, you'll be the reason, which means you'll be the target. Just my two cents, but if she's gonna leave the guy (that is, IF she is going to leave him), I'd let her close one chapter before opening another. Well, like I said above, I haven't pursued her aggressively. I was just asking if to some degree if this is what she might want me to do. Like she thinks in her mind that I'm not really interested in her, because I don't pursue her more. When I really don't because she has a boyfriend. Besides, I don't really care about him at all because the guy is a total a**. Like he sucked alot of money out of her. And that is part of the reason that she is with him at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WillJJ Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 Maybe she's playing other guys at work.. with you.. It could be some kind of game for her.. with ALL (most) of the guys at work.. Although this is possible, we work in close proximity all day and we can pretty much see what the other is doing for the entire time. Like even if she's working near one of the other guys away from me, she'll find excuses to come up and talk to me. I can also see that she is constantly watching me Link to post Share on other sites
freedom8 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Right now the situation has reached a level that you are confused and want to know what she is thinking. Usually most of the time our instincts will tell us if that person is just being nice, friendly or is so comfortable with you that she starts to flirt probably at times without even knowing it. Soon you will have to make a decision to either come clean with her or settle back and jam those feelings in order not to ruin the working relationship. It is a tough call and I went in needing to know to find that the feelings were there but the situation at hand was quite difficult. Good luck buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
Balthazar Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 This is not a very healthy situation. You have to remember that she may cry and flirt with you, but when the lights go down real low, it's her BF who is getting the sugar, not you. I guess you could continue the present situation if it pleases you, but it seems you are just covering other emotional needs that her BF isn't. In any case, you need to escalate if you want to get anything out of this. She is talking the talk, but will she go further? You need to find out or otherwise, cut her loose. Link to post Share on other sites
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