first date payment?

[Hanamichi]

it all began wen my friends intro this girl to me at the bar

 

we talk at the bar then i ask for her number, she gave it to me

 

after few days i text her and call her 2 times

 

on the 2nd call i ask if she is free and come on a date, she said sure.

 

im jus wondering this is our first date - and i ask it - should i be paying the bills - eg dinner, movies, or wateva we r gona do ?

 

cheers

[tkgirl]

it all began wen my friends intro this girl to me at the bar

 

we talk at the bar then i ask for her number, she gave it to me

 

after few days i text her and call her 2 times

 

on the 2nd call i ask if she is free and come on a date, she said sure.

 

im jus wondering this is our first date - and i ask it - should i be paying the bills - eg dinner, movies, or wateva we r gona do ?

 

cheers

 

IMHO you asked her out, you pay...

[carhill]

You pay and you smile about it

[witabix]

If you are the kind of person who suffers from severe wallet cramp, don't ask anyone out.

 

If she offers to pay half, let her, if not I refer you to my learned friend Carhill above....

[Hanamichi]

lols, i was plannin to pay of cause

 

jus wanted response to it, thanks lads

[sweetbutcheeky]

Even if she offers to pay half, pay the whole thing. (you know we are just offering to be polite and want you to pay! lol)

[witabix]

Oh cheeky, you are playing into the hands of those that will say women say one thing but mean another.....

 

If you offer, even out of politeness, you have to be prepared to deliver.

 

[sb129]

And if it goes no further, do NOT ask for half the money back. I wish I could find the link about that guy.

[Taramere]

im jus wondering this is our first date - and i ask it - should i be paying the bills - eg dinner, movies, or wateva we r gona do ?

 

cheers

 

When in doubt, I think it's best to go with traditional etiquette. In terms of getting a second date, splitting the bill, when you're the one who asked her out, seems more likely to work against you than for you.

 

Just wave off any offers she makes to pay her share - except if she's aggressively persistent about wanting to pay half. Unless money's a major issue, it's not worth spoiling a date with extended debate about who should pay for what.

[Marin]

Oh cheeky, you are playing into the hands of those that will say women say one thing but mean another.....

 

If you offer, even out of politeness, you have to be prepared to deliver.

 

 

Yes, but if you want another date with the lady, you insist on paying the whole thing.

[lovestruck818]

I get really pissed if a man offers to pay for me...b/c i feel it puts a women down...like it says, "I'm the man I'm better and I have the money"...yeah bull****

[Marin]

I get really pissed if a man offers to pay for me...b/c i feel it puts a women down...like it says, "I'm the man I'm better and I have the money"...yeah bull****

 

So if a man asks you out, you are offended when he pays? Most times the guy just pays without asking (if he was raised correctly.)

[carhill]

I get really pissed if a man offers to pay for me...b/c i feel it puts a women down...like it says, "I'm the man I'm better and I have the money"...yeah bull****

There are many men who would be happy to date you.

 

FWIW, I follow this same etiquette with business colleagues. If I ask them to lunch, I pay. If reverse, they pay. Gender is irrelevant.

 

The OP was talking about a first date. As time goes on dating, when a woman has asked me out (god that was years ago LOL), she paid or we split. I respect women's earning power. My wife makes more (money) than I do, so I'd better

[sb129]

I think if you ask someone out, then its usually up to you to decide where you go- and hence it follows that you offer to pay.

 

If someone asked me out, and took me to a really expensive restaurant and expected me to pay half, I would be annoyed that they hadn't consulted me on the choice of restaurant, but then assumed that I would be happy to pay half a bill. I doubt they would get a second date.

 

If we mutually agreed to go to the movies, I would offer to pay for my ticket.

[Cov]

I'm in the dating stage, too and we split it fifty/fifty down the middle, but she is paying for the next one and I'll be making sure I pay for her on our third date.

 

Treat it as team building and co-operation.

[FormerNiceGuy]

Whoever asks, pays.

 

Just don't go too expensive.

[Cov]

 

Just don't go too expensive.

 

Just don't go too cheap and tacky either, you don't have spend a lot to have an enjoyable date.

 

To me it's all about chemistry, chemistry is better than attending the Ritz or a party on the Hollywood Hills.

[Trimmer]

When in doubt, I think it's best to go with traditional etiquette. In terms of getting a second date, splitting the bill, when you're the one who asked her out, seems more likely to work against you than for you.

 

Just wave off any offers she makes to pay her share - except if she's aggressively persistent about wanting to pay half. Unless money's a major issue, it's not worth spoiling a date with extended debate about who should pay for what.

The best outcome I had of this type of situation was when the bill came and I started to reach for it; she made a move for her wallet and I said that I would get it, so she smoothly put her wallet back and said "OK then, I'll get the next one." Music to my ears. (Not because I cared who was going to pay, but because she was already thinking in terms of the next time...)

 

I get really pissed if a man offers to pay for me...b/c i feel it puts a women down...like it says, "I'm the man I'm better and I have the money"...yeah bull****

Really pissed, just at the offer to pay? You grant no possibility that such an offer could be made from any perspective other than "I'm a man and I'm better?" Wow, that sounds really defensive. If/when that happens, how has it played out? Does he lose any chance at a second date with you then, or is there any way that he can save face once the offer has been made?