Sheekie Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 I'm turning into a wreck. First, let me start off by saying that I am a very insecure girl. I don't know why or where it originates, but I just am. I've also been going to counseling. It seems like there's something wrong with this relationship, but I can't figure out if the problem is him or if it's all just in my head. Trying to figure this out is stressing me out. I've had a bunch of conversations with him recently regarding whether he loves me and if he wants to move away. But my mind is all f***ed up. This is how my mind works: I'll think to myself that he didn't want to leave me a couple of days ago, but what about today? Surely today I annoyed him enough for him to leave. This cycle keeps going on! Last night, I had a horrible dream where my boyfriend said that he regretting having this relationship because we're both going to end up getting hurt. This really scares me because I had an ominous dream right before I broke up with my last boyfriend. I don't know what to do. I really need some help. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 The one problem you need to address is your insecurity. It's limiting your ability to be more independent from your bf. Alot of guys hate codependency, they want an attractive, confident woman who can carry herself through adversities. Can you try to take some time away from your bf and focus on yourself? You need to find out where your insecurity comes from and whether you can get to the roots of your problems before you drive your bf away. Link to post Share on other sites
soulseeker Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 Exactly. You must figure out where this insecurity is coming from. Otherwise, you wont understand it or be able to change it. Do your feel attractive? Do you value your own skills and abilities? If not, why? Was it lack of recognition from peers or family? Did someone say something to you at an impressionable age? Sometimes, it's not even a HUGE thing that can make a big impact in the way we view ourself. I can name two things that one jerk said to me when I was around 6 that have stuck with me. I am 30!! But just acknowledging that sort of disarms it. Anyway, just dont transfer this stuff onto your bf. Look up transference in psychology. Interesting stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheekie Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 I think I'm insecure about my own attractiveness and worth. It's not like I've ever had a line of guys wanting to date me. I also don't have a lot of friends because I don't have a lot of time to get out and socialize due to the nature of my job. I've also had guys lie to me in the past and stay in the relationship although they knew that there were problems and they didn't have feelings for me. I'm worried that this guy might do the same thing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
soulseeker Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 I've also had guys lie to me in the past and stay in the relationship although they knew that there were problems and they didn't have feelings for me. I'm worried that this guy might do the same thing to me. Ok, I know it is hard to nearly impossible not to worry your bf will do the same things, BUT YOU CANT DO THAT. People react to the way you treat them. If you treat him like he is going to lie to you, then it may affect his behavior. Plus, he is NOT those other guys and it isnt fair for you to punish him for the way other men have treated you. Clean slate, my dear. You have to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
soulseeker Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 I think I'm insecure about my own attractiveness and worth. It's not like I've ever had a line of guys wanting to date me. I also don't have a lot of friends because I don't have a lot of time to get out and socialize due to the nature of my job. You have to work on this. To be happy. You can ask your bf for help, in the form of reinforcement, but you have to accept and be proud of yourself. These are tough things to work on, but the rewards are huge. So you dont have a lot of chances to make friends. Can you change some aspect of your schedule? I work with one other person...all day, so my friends are people I have met in other ways. I think smiling to people is how I've done it. I am not the most outgoing person, trust me, but a smile really does a hell of a lot. Simple, but overlooked. And dont beat yourself up for not being where you want to be. Just accept and move on from today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheekie Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 How can I know if the damage I've created from my insecurities is too much? I can start today by working on myself but what if all of the **** I've put him through has been too much and he's already made up his mind no matter how I change? How will I know? I don't want him holding my past self against me. Link to post Share on other sites
soulseeker Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 (edited) At this point, I think you just have to have the frame of mind that they have not been too much. What is your other choice? Keep thinking negatively? I dont know about you, but I dont like that choice. Dont know how much you've talked with him about this, but I dont think you need to tell him you are working on it more than once. After that, just work on it and he will see the change. Edited April 4, 2008 by soulseeker Link to post Share on other sites
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