lovestruck818 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Should I be concerned that my boyfriend has checked his match.com acct in the last 2 weeks? I can't imagine him paying for it again...although he did meet his ex that way. Do you all think it's just harmless browsing or what? He prob. should have de-activated his profile but maybe he didn't realise you could...i dunno. As long as he isn't paying for it again, then no one can contact him, so I guess I am alright with that. What are your feelings on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 To be honest, I'd go ballistic. Wouldn't be any rational thought on the matter, or discussion with him about it. I'd kick him to the curb quicker then he could say "I'm s..." Theoretically, you should probably discuss it with him. Gauge his level of involvement in the relationship, weigh his past actions against this one, and decide if the action is a deal breaker or not. You don't seem very concerned about it? At least, your wording didn't make it sound as if you were. Just curious, but what were you doing on the dating site? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck818 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 To be honest, I'd go ballistic. Wouldn't be any rational thought on the matter, or discussion with him about it. I'd kick him to the curb quicker then he could say "I'm s..." Theoretically, you should probably discuss it with him. Gauge his level of involvement in the relationship, weigh his past actions against this one, and decide if the action is a deal breaker or not. You don't seem very concerned about it? At least, your wording didn't make it sound as if you were. Just curious, but what were you doing on the dating site? My friend was browsing and came across his profile and told me...I went to her house and she showed me it...I am not on those dating sites...ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Tyra Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I would be concerned. If you are in a relationship with somebody, why in the hell should you be on a dating site.Confront him about it A.S.A.P. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 How long have you been dating him? I call him on his behaviour, because there's no reason why he still has his account on that site when he's already got you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck818 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 How long have you been dating him? I call him on his behaviour, because there's no reason why he still has his account on that site when he's already got you. 3 months...and yeah I agree but I mean as long as it is harmless (which, no I am 100% sure of), then I guess I can't really have a problem with it. Hah- his profile is pretty pathetic & sad. I am not very worried girls will be intrigued by it. He is very cute though... Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 That depends. If you've just met him and you just started off, it's nothing. Especially if you're not "going steady". If you have known him a while and you are "going steady" then I would be concerned. Especially if he has renewed his account or is in active communication with someone. Plus, those dating websites (and I have been on them) are supposed to have screening programs on it to keep married people from screwing with others. It's bad, as I have encountered some people who are clearly looking to mess with others, whether they are married or not. Still, I would just have a rational chat with him sometime about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck818 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 That depends. If you've just met him and you just started off, it's nothing. Especially if you're not "going steady". If you have known him a while and you are "going steady" then I would be concerned. Especially if he has renewed his account or is in active communication with someone. Plus, those dating websites (and I have been on them) are supposed to have screening programs on it to keep married people from screwing with others. It's bad, as I have encountered some people who are clearly looking to mess with others, whether they are married or not. Still, I would just have a rational chat with him sometime about it. We're "going steady" "boyf/girlf" "together" "in a relationship"...whatever you want to call it...for 3 months so far. No, I am not sure if he renewed his account. I have never used a dating site, so I'm not sure how it works but I have friends who use them and I am under the impression that you need to pay for it in order to communicate w/ someone. I don't think he would go through the trouble and money to renew it again...but then again, ya never know. I don't think he is actually communicating with people but it irks me to see "active within 2 weeks" next to his name. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 We're "going steady" "boyf/girlf" "together" "in a relationship"...whatever you want to call it...for 3 months so far. If he's checking his online dating account, I'd say you're probably the only one who thinks this is true. Link to post Share on other sites
Rex Man Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 There is absolutely no way we can answer your question with the information provided. That's like asking 5+_=?. Going ape-***** won't help either. When you two are alone, confront him head on about your concerns. Then go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 How do you know he isn't still paying for it? If it's still active, and he's checking it, I would take that as a huge red flag. Confront him on it? YES. Your friend saw him there and told you, it's not like you were snooping or anything. Has he met your friend? Can she send messages? If it were my friend and I saw her bf on a dating site I'd send him a message and ask him what he was doing!! If he hasn't met your friend before, she can send him a message and see if he responds. I think that's a sneaky way to go about it- but you'd be able to find out if he's still actively looking. Why is he still checking it? Confront him immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck818 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 How do you know he isn't still paying for it? If it's still active, and he's checking it, I would take that as a huge red flag. Confront him on it? YES. Your friend saw him there and told you, it's not like you were snooping or anything. Has he met your friend? Can she send messages? If it were my friend and I saw her bf on a dating site I'd send him a message and ask him what he was doing!! If he hasn't met your friend before, she can send him a message and see if he responds. I think that's a sneaky way to go about it- but you'd be able to find out if he's still actively looking. Why is he still checking it? Confront him immediately. I don't know he isn't still paying for it...and it's prob not a ton of money...but why would anyone want to pay for that if they already have someone? Plus there are better ways to meet someone than on the internet. Hello...desperation. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Actually Match.com is a paid dating site. That's a huge red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I don't know he isn't still paying for it...and it's prob not a ton of money...but why would anyone want to pay for that if they already have someone? Plus there are better ways to meet someone than on the internet. Hello...desperation. You tell me... you're "dating" him.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck818 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 Actually Match.com is a paid dating site. That's a huge red flag. That's not entirely true...b/c anyone can make a profile on it for free...you just can't contact people if you don't pay for it. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I don't know he isn't still paying for it...and it's prob not a ton of money...but why would anyone want to pay for that if they already have someone? Plus there are better ways to meet someone than on the internet. Hello...desperation. I've met some cool people online- lots of creeps too... but it's certainly not an act of desperation to post a dating profile online. I meet people in public places when I am not too busy to get out... but online dating isn't something only desperate people resort to. There is a super cool married couple that lives above me and they met on lavalife- I have lots of friends that have met their partners that way as well. If you want to know why he is still checking a dating site when he "has someone"... you'll have to ask him that..... because that is exactly what he is doing. He is dating you and as the above poster has said- still keeping his paid profile active. One can only assume he isn't serious about the relationship yet...if he was, he would have deleted his profile. That is why you have to ask him about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck818 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 It's almost like I am trying to justify to myself that what he is doing is ok...I dunno, maybe it is, maybe it isn't...I normally don't get angry or bothered by many things in a relationship...but my friend and apparantly all you guys think this is a big deal. Is there something wrong with me that I'm kind of "ehh whatever" about it? I mean honestly, if he was not happy with me, wouldn't he have dumped me already? Or at least changed his ways? Communicate less, "ignore" me...I dunno...something? We already talked about future events- going to a wedding together, spending time @ my new home, me going to his races...I just feel all of that wouldn't have been discussed if he had intentions of dumping me...and this conversation was a few days ago. He was "active" on match before we even had those conversations. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 That's not entirely true...b/c anyone can make a profile on it for free...you just can't contact people if you don't pay for it. True but still, you're not certain if his account is paid or not. So you should be concerned anyways as to whether he wants to be serious with you or is just using you until he finds something better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck818 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 I've met some cool people online- lots of creeps too... but it's certainly not an act of desperation to post a dating profile online. I meet people in public places when I am not too busy to get out... but online dating isn't something only desperate people resort to. There is a super cool married couple that lives above me and they met on lavalife- I have lots of friends that have met their partners that way as well. If you want to know why he is still checking a dating site when he "has someone"... you'll have to ask him that..... because that is exactly what he is doing. He is dating you and as the above poster has said- still keeping his paid profile active. One can only assume he isn't serious about the relationship yet...if he was, he would have deleted his profile. That is why you have to ask him about this. Like I said though...you can still log in and check your profile as well as others if you don't pay for it...you just can't e-mail them. So maybe he still has it and goes on occasionally & just browses but doesn't actually pay for it so that he can e-mail people. I dunno...but I can't really be upset with harmless browsing, can I? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I mean honestly, if he was not happy with me, wouldn't he have dumped me already? Or at least changed his ways? Communicate less, "ignore" me...I dunno...something? So that's like a wife justifying her husband having an extramarital affair but knowing that she still has him because in the end, he always comes back home to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck818 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 I've met some cool people online- lots of creeps too... but it's certainly not an act of desperation to post a dating profile online. I meet people in public places when I am not too busy to get out... but online dating isn't something only desperate people resort to. There is a super cool married couple that lives above me and they met on lavalife- I have lots of friends that have met their partners that way as well. If you want to know why he is still checking a dating site when he "has someone"... you'll have to ask him that..... because that is exactly what he is doing. He is dating you and as the above poster has said- still keeping his paid profile active. One can only assume he isn't serious about the relationship yet...if he was, he would have deleted his profile. That is why you have to ask him about this. You are very pretty...you should have no problem meeting people in person. I'm not saying online dating is for losers or ugly people, I just feel like people who are good-looking and/or outgoing don't really need it...or should feel that they do. It's so much better to just approach someone and talk to them face to face then behind a computer screen. My friends have met so many people they liked on the computer but hated in person. It's harder to get a sense of who people are that way...people can post anything they want...and heck, even put up a fake picture. I would be scared to have my picture up on one of those sites- ya have to be careful! Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Like I said though...you can still log in and check your profile as well as others if you don't pay for it...you just can't e-mail them. So maybe he still has it and goes on occasionally & just browses but doesn't actually pay for it so that he can e-mail people. I dunno...but I can't really be upset with harmless browsing, can I? It's a dating site, people go on it to meet people they want to date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck818 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 It's a dating site, people go on it to meet people they want to date. or people they want to hook up with...as my friends have been victims of numerous instances of those. :::Sigh::: I dunno. I need to get wasted right now...wine, anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck818 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 It's a dating site, people go on it to meet people they want to date. ughhh yeah but some people just go on to look... right? lol please tell me they do (this wine is delicious by the way) Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 or people they want to hook up with...as my friends have been victims of numerous instances of those. :::Sigh::: I dunno. I need to get wasted right now...wine, anyone? And you're not worried? Link to post Share on other sites
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