Jump to content

Boyfriend close to ex-girlfriends kids


noname99

Recommended Posts

I have been dating a man for two years now. He is extremely close to his ex-girlfriends children, as they have no father in their life. I have been understanding, but it is getting a bit much. He is very slow in our relationship and I feel it is due to the other "kids". He critiques my parenting, which is hard because I don't feel like he is a "real" parent as he has no actual responsibility with these kids. He doesn't understand though, having no children of his own. He isn't as close to my child because of this. I am not involved with these children, as they live in another state. He also is concerned that his ex could stop him from seeing them if he rocks the boat too much. I realize that part of my issue is jealousy, but I want to have a life with this man, including have a child of our own and I am afraid he will take too long, waiting for her kids to grow. Does anyone have any similar stories, hopefully successful ones? Thanks

Link to post
Share on other sites

So I'm assuming he doesn't see these other kids much either since they live in a different state? This is a little odd. I understand becoming attached to a partner's children and not wanting to end that even if the relationship with the partner ends. I'd say thats actually quite admirable!

 

The fact that he won't bond with your child "because of the other kids" - I don't get that is interesting too. The only thing I can think of is perhaps he doesn't want to get involved with another child only to have the relationship fail. Maybe he's holding back so he doesn't end up in another situation like the one he's already in?

 

Have you talked to him about these concerns?

Link to post
Share on other sites
mortensorchid

Now that is strange. I have known people who were involved with people with children, and after the relationship / marriage ends, some attempt to keep in communication with the kids even though they are not their blood. If the kids are young, they naturally feel a parental feeling towards them. If the kids are older (tweens and above), it varies. Unfortunately for a lot of these people, once the kids get older, the less they will want to have contact with someone who was once married / in a relationship with their parent, because things just change. And that "other parent" will feel depressed and disappointed.

 

Maybe he doesn't want to bond with your child because he fears the same thing will happen to you two?

Link to post
Share on other sites
whichwayisup

So he is part of his ex's kids lives, but not actually his ex? Or does he spend time with them all kind of like a family?

 

Yeah, there's something off about that - It's one thing to be in touch with the kids but to be part of their lives (I take it he sees them daily or weekly) is too much. Those kids are attached to him, and him to them, which prevents him from really committing to you and your own kids.

 

He needs to choose, or you make the choice for him. It isn't fair to you, or your own kids if he is spending more time with his ex and her children.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...