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"Do you still expect me to propose to you?"


I Luv the Chariot OH

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I Luv the Chariot OH

My boyfriend and I have a very open, communicative relationship, so we have spoken of things like the future and marriage, and each know where the other stands (we want to get married, but when we are older and more financially stable). It hasn't been all talk, either--he got me a really lovely promise ring for our anniversary (so lovely, in fact, that I would have been very happy with it as an engagement ring). I guess I just took it in stride to such an extent that last night, when he randomly said (as my title indicates): "Do you still expect me to propose to you? It seems kind of unnecessary, since we already know we want to get married anyway," I was taken aback. Sure, we are very comfortable with each other, but comfortable enough to completely bypass that stage of our relationship, go straight from "in a relationship" to "married"?

 

Now I can't help but feel I've missed something. Is it normal for a relationship to be so comfortable that a formal proposal isn't necessary? Or could it be something other that comfort?

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Trialbyfire

Some men sweat bricks for months, over making the proposal just right. It's not an easy thing to do, from what I understand.

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I Luv the Chariot OH
He's not so much the romantic type, eh? :D

 

Why don't you propose to him?

The strange part is, he's the most romantic guy I've ever met :lmao:

 

The act of getting engaged itself isn't what's bothering me (we couldn't now anyway, for many reasons), just the principle of him thinking we don't need to at all!

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The strange part is, he's the most romantic guy I've ever met :lmao:

 

The act of getting engaged itself isn't what's bothering me (we couldn't now anyway, for many reasons), just the principle of him thinking we don't need to at all!

 

It didn't sound like he was saying you didn't need to get engaged. Just that he didn't see the point of proposing since you two had already done so much talking and planning about getting married. "Will you marry me?" isn't quite the loaded question when he and you already know that you will.

 

That was the way I read it. So propose to him, and then your official engagement begins. You already have the ring you want, so why not?

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melodymatters

Well, this won't work for all types of people, but I tend to try and make things "fun". Stipulating what Nora just said, how you already have everything planned, perhaps he just feels stupid coming up with some "proposal script".

 

So, I would pick a special occasion and call it "official proposal night" or something, and then make it goofy AND romantic, where you have "engagement cocktails", followed by faux proposals after dinner, whatever fun way you can play with the concept while still devoting an evening to it.

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I wouldn't worry too much unless the down on the knee/ring in the champagne glass thing is really important to you?

 

My proposal happened when the two of us were lying on seperate lounges watching Seinfeld and talking about having children, he matter of factly said "we should get married then" there was no engagement ring or big hurrah about it... we ended up eloping and actually had the most romantic wedding ever because of it.

 

Now, the fact we are now divorced ;) is irrelevant, it had nothing to do with that, if you are feeling the need for the big proposal then he should know that, but if you don't get it it doesn't mean anything less - we are all different and not everyone is into over the top stuff, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, especially since you've spoken about having similar goals.

 

One thing the minister said at my wedding which really stuck with me and I carry it in my current relationship - he said that it's not about the wedding, that is just one day, this is about a commitment for life and the most important thing is what you do in the future and the love and commitment then is more important than the "gesture"

 

Just my two cents... good luck though, sounds like you have a good-en there.

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Angels&Airwaves

The act of getting engaged itself isn't what's bothering me (we couldn't now anyway, for many reasons), just the principle of him thinking we don't need to at all!

 

Would it matter if he didn't propose to you? Marriage to me is a symbol and nothing more, if you truly love a person why do you need a symbolic ring and marriage certificate? My friend's parents have been together for twenty six years and have never married and they're still happy together and very much in love.

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