marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 One of my colleagues, a very handsome and suave gentleman, asked me out on a date yesterday. I wasn't too surprised as there has always been a very strong attraction between us. I said I wasn't sure as I had mades some tentative plans. He said he would call me on Friday night. So, I have one day to think this through and I need your help. The reason why I am somewhat hesitant is a) he is almost ten years younger b) we work together and c) he is somewhat of a ladies' man. There has always been an overpowering attraction between us. I think everyone at our work place feels it too. I can practically hear their whispers. My problem is if I start dating him and something goes wrong I have to see this guy every day for many years to come. it could get awkard to say the lest. This makes me fele uncomfortable. Also, he is much younger and the odds of a serious relationship with him are thin. And he is a ladies' man like I mentioned. Guys, what do you think I should do. Accept or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Guys, what do you think I should do. Accept or not? Definitely accept!!!! How wonderful! Age is so relative Marlena, and really nice people are hard to meet these days. Although.....I would probably take it slower where he is a colleague at work. So where are you going on your first date? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Oh, go for it Marlena! That level of chemistry doesn't happen every day. You're a smart lady, and you'll deal with it if things don't work out. Just guard your heart with care, and let your libido handle the rest. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Sorry to be a dissenting vote here, but I strongly urge you NOT to go for it. Always a bad idea to date someone in the office. If he's 10 years younger than you, he is likely your junior - so in addition to worrying about it being uncomfortable if things don't work out, you need to worry about harrassment charges. If one of you leaves this company, then I say go for it, but until then - I'd stay away! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Thanks Kasan and Lyndia for giving me that little push I needed. Yes, I think I will dare and see where it goes. And like you girls both advised, yes, I'll guard my heart well and take it slowly. Try to get to know him better outside the working environment! Kasan, this guy worked in Belgium and is very sophisticated so I am sure it will be somewhere special. I'll know tonight when he calls. Wish me luck!! Eeeks, what do I wear? Glad I had my highlights done just a week ago!!! Curiousgirl, I see what you are getting at. That's what I thought too. No I am not his superior. I plan to take it very slowly and give him nothing to talk about if it doesn't work out! Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 What to wear, what to wear.......hmmmm...depends on where you go, but I am guessing that it will be somewhere very special, as this has been in his planning stages for a long time........ Well you make sure to come back and give us all the details. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Kasan, Thanks. But I am stating to rethink this. I mean he is so much younger. I don't see how this could work out. I can't help wondering why he would ask me out. There are so many young girls. He could have his pick. Why me? I think my insecurities are getting the best of me. Today there was no work so I didn't see him. Tomorrow thankfully I have to attend another seminar. So that gives me until Friday night when he said he'd call. I've never dated anyone that much younger. Five years tops. Oh, I'm beginning to stress over this. Link to post Share on other sites
StartingOver07 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I think (b) is the most compelling reason not to go out with this guy. Don't sh*t where you eat, and all that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 SO, I know ...I know . There's so much to consider. Thanks. I don't know which is worse a) b) or c). Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I think my insecurities are getting the best of me. I would agree with your last statement. This doesn't sound like the strong, self-assured woman that we see in your postings here on LS. He's not married is he? Link to post Share on other sites
StartingOver07 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 SO, I know ...I know . There's so much to consider. Thanks. I don't know which is worse a) b) or c). My take: 1. B 2. C 3. A The age is a non-issue, I think. Many women look better/younger than men 10 years their junior, especially once both parties are over the age of 35. I am routinely asked out by guys 5-10 years younger than I, who are invariably surprised to learn that I am older than they are. The biggie, to me, is that you work with this guy. One date won't be a problem, but if it goes anywhere --either emotionally or sexually -- it could be. And what's the point of dating someone if you aren't hoping for progress on either the emotional or sexual front (or both)? Edit: In what way do you work with him? Are you 2 people who happen to work for the same gigantic company but in very different departments (and could avoid one another easily, if needed)? Or are you colleagues in a smaller company, where frequent (or daily) contact is likely? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 No, Kasan, he isn't married. Actually,that's another thing that bothers me. Why isn't he? Most men his age are married or have been at least once. He is a bit of a player. That much is obvious to see. Wonder if that's the reason he never settled down? I think I am pondering on ths too much> What can a date or two hurt? Right? Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Actually,that's another thing that bothers me. Why isn't he? Most men his age are married or have been at least once. He is a bit of a player. That much is obvious to see. I would wonder about this too. Maybe he has commitment issues or he hasn't met the right person yet? Are you good friends at work? What have his previous relationships been like? I guess after thinking about this, that I understand how it could feel awkward, especially if the date didn't go well. Don't you think that he has thought about this as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 SO, Thanks for the input. Actually I do look a lot younger. Seeing us, you'd think we were the same age. So like you said B is probably the most worrisome factor. It's not a company. It's a achool. So we are in close contact in the staff room every day. Yes, I do want it to go somewhere obviously. Otherwise, why even bother? On the other hand, even if it doesn't, I will have had a nice time at least. Because we do work together, I will not allow it to get physical early...UNFORTUNATELY!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 The reason why I am somewhat hesitant is a) he is almost ten years younger b) we work together and c) he is somewhat of a ladies' man. Oh, I'd tell him, I can't, or not a good idea, we work together, not now etc. It'd have to be the love of the century for me to go there given all those reasons. Say, we can't help it, it's just too much. Make it build. If it goes tepid after a brushoff then it was crap. Link to post Share on other sites
maynicholas Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 He is a bit of a player. That is the part that bothers me. If he is a player, when this doesn't work out you may feel like a sap for falling for his 'suave' ways. Nothing else about this bothers me- age, workplace- but that one is the worst. That is the one that will leave you wondering how you could have been so blinded. Has he dated other women at work- that you know of? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Thanks maynicholas. Don't think I haven't put that high up on the list. As far as I know, he hasn't dated anyone at work but he is an outrageous flirt ..but such a handsome one! I have one day to sit on this! Yeah, I agree. Maybe it's the worst one of the three. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
StartingOver07 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 SO, Thanks for the input. Actually I do look a lot younger. Seeing us, you'd think we were the same age. So like you said B is probably the most worrisome factor. It's not a company. It's a achool. So we are in close contact in the staff room every day. Yes, I do want it to go somewhere obviously. Otherwise, why even bother? On the other hand, even if it doesn't, I will have had a nice time at least. Because we do work together, I will not allow it to get physical early...UNFORTUNATELY!! Well, I understand it is tempting, but I am not seeing good things here. If he is over the age of 40 and has never been married, that is a red flag to me, especially when combined with your assessment that he is a player. I'd say the odds are low that he and you will form a lasting attachment. That being the case, how are you going to feel when it ends? How will seeing this man every day affect your job and/or your desire to go to work and/or your ability to be at work and not feel distracted? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 One of my colleagues, a very handsome and suave gentleman, asked me out on a date yesterday. I wasn't too surprised as there has always been a very strong attraction between us. I said I wasn't sure as I had mades some tentative plans. He said he would call me on Friday night. So, I have one day to think this through and I need your help. The reason why I am somewhat hesitant is a) he is almost ten years younger b) we work together and c) he is somewhat of a ladies' man. There has always been an overpowering attraction between us. I think everyone at our work place feels it too. I can practically hear their whispers. My problem is if I start dating him and something goes wrong I have to see this guy every day for many years to come. it could get awkard to say the lest. This makes me fele uncomfortable. Also, he is much younger and the odds of a serious relationship with him are thin. And he is a ladies' man like I mentioned. Guys, what do you think I should do. Accept or not? What exactly are you looking to get out of this? Do you want some casual fling, or do you want something more long term? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 If it goes tepid after a brushoff then it was crap. Thanks, Ariadne. I always appreciate your input. I'll consider your suggestion as well. Say no and see if he insists. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I agree with Ariadne and May Nicholas, I completely want to be optimistic but the "bit of a player" and the seeing him in the workplace would give me pause. If it was just one of the 2, I'd say go slow and see, but both.....I'd be nervous too. I really want to say go for it. But another part of me says to observe him more, it really better be worth it for a workplace risk. And you know it's not going to be 1 or 2 dates Marlena!!! That's impossible, unless things went really wrong. And then that ain't a good thing! Link to post Share on other sites
maynicholas Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 My *new* philosphy on dating is- if you have to spend too much time analyzing why you should or shouldn't go out with someone- then you probably shouldn't go. If your gut is hesitant, listen to it. It usually knows the right answer before you do. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Thanks Florida. I know that you would love to tell me to go for it. Yes, you all make good observations and I am taking every single one of them to heart. If I decide to go through with it, I can assure you I will be quite the lady. You're right though. It probably won't be a one date thing if things go well. After all, there will be no surprises. We already know eachother so well. Maybe I'll wake up and the answer will come to me! Thanks so much. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 What is the goal? To have fun or pin him down for "marriage" ? I bet in his mind he just wants some fun, nothing wrong with that. If you can face the guy after some fun and not get all wrapped up in him emotionally .... go for it. If you are looking for the next Mr.Marlena and cannot handle or contain your emotions - skip it, or go out at buddies only. Are you wanting to - you know - with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Thanks May, Yes, the gut does kick in first, doesn't it? I wouldn't have started a thread about someone asking me out on a date if I weren't having reservations about it. Thanks for the good luck wish! Link to post Share on other sites
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