Disgruntled Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 So, in response to my dilemma I posted yesterday, the overwhelming response was RUN. In that vein, I'm just curious how I should break this relationship off. Should I - a) Stay with this guy til I find someone else worth being with? b) Drop him immediately and begin pursuing other people? I have gotten some advice from friends and they say to keep this guy on the side until I find someone else - that it's always easier to have someone there, as long as I know it's not going anywhere. Obviously he's not being honest with me, so should I feel any guilt in playing him like he's playing me? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 God, thats horrid advice to give a friend. Let me ask you this - would YOU want for a guy to keep you around while he is shopping for someone better and new? And why play his game? Wouldn't you rather leave a relationship with honesty and dignity? Lastly, I think you should break up with him, and then spend some time on your own to 1) heal, and 2) work out your own trust issues, as they seem to be recurring. Best to break the pattern than carry your pain to another relationship and do it all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Disgruntled Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 Do it all over again? Do what exactly? What did I DO? I met a guy, gave the relationship a chance and ultimately was LIED to. I suspected the lies because of things he did and said and then actually uncovered his lies, but tell me please, what exactly did I do other than try to be in a relationship? Let me ask you this, without knowing what kind of relationship you're currently in, if you were dating, or married, and had reason to doubt your SO, what would you do? How would you handle those doubts? Investigate them? Ignore them? Get fed up without knowing the ultimate truth and just end the relationship because you suspected something was amiss? Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 No, Im saying your pattern of lying men and being suspicious of new ones. You said that your ex also lied to you. And with this current relationship, you PURPOSELY lured this guy to trap him and catch him in a lie. And you let him stick around to do it to you twice. I think that shows you still have some serious trust issues, dont you think? It just seems that you are carrying the baggage from the marriage to the new guy, or, you are still unconsciously seeking out this type of person unknowingly. Sometimes we are continually drawn to a particular TYPE of person until we finally learn some lessons and move on to new energy. I've honestly never had a partner step out on me. I wouldn't spend ten minutes with someone I didnt trust. If I suspected him to the point that I would need to play Nancy Drew to "bust" him, then the outcome of the investigation would really be irrelevant, as the mere fact that I even needed to look into it would be grounds for dismissal and telling enough that it is a damaged relationship. You are not responsible for him being a dog and lying to you. BUT, you are responsible for taking care of yourself, and I don't think keeping him around as backup or playing him as he played you, as you said, is a strong and healthy way to deal with your feelings towards him. Link to post Share on other sites
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