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Being a musician and having a relationship..


Dynamo

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Okay so a sorta odd thread, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately and just curious on what you guys have to say.

 

For the past ten years or so music has pretty much been my life - I've always listened to music constantly, infact it's helped me get through some of the most difficult times I've ever had to face. I'd be completely lost without my music.

I picked up guitar when I was 12, and have been playing since. I'm still at the university, although I've become part of a band that does some small gigs around the state (I play rhythm guitar and backup vocals). So far it's an amazing experience and I love it to death.

 

Anyways, I was wondering if these gigs would bother the average girl in a relationship? Between my education, practicing with the band and doing gigs my free time will be limited (LIMITED, but certainly not non-existent). There's generally a lot of interested, single women at the gigs we do (well not only women obviously, but you get the idea :p ) Music is my life, but I also want to find someone special and it'd kill me if I had to chose between love and my passion. Would me spending so much time focusing on my music and schoolwork bother you? And would it bother you that there are a lot of interested single women at these shows (even though I'd rather be with you?)

Just to avoid any confusion, I am not currently in a relationship - I'm just trying to prepare for the future.

 

Thanks everyone :)

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Okay so a sorta odd thread, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately and just curious on what you guys have to say.

 

For the past ten years or so music has pretty much been my life - I've always listened to music constantly, infact it's helped me get through some of the most difficult times I've ever had to face. I'd be completely lost without my music.

I picked up guitar when I was 12, and have been playing since. I'm still at the university, although I've become part of a band that does some small gigs around the state (I play rhythm guitar and backup vocals). So far it's an amazing experience and I love it to death.

 

Anyways, I was wondering if these gigs would bother the average girl in a relationship? Between my education, practicing with the band and doing gigs my free time will be limited (LIMITED, but certainly not non-existent). There's generally a lot of interested, single women at the gigs we do (well not only women obviously, but you get the idea :p ) Music is my life, but I also want to find someone special and it'd kill me if I had to chose between love and my passion. Would me spending so much time focusing on my music and schoolwork bother you? And would it bother you that there are a lot of interested single women at these shows (even though I'd rather be with you?)

Just to avoid any confusion, I am not currently in a relationship - I'm just trying to prepare for the future.

 

Thanks everyone :)

 

I think the answer is that it would depend on the woman. If she was secure and could trust you, and was the type of person attracted to your sort of pesonality and looks (of course) then she would probably be fine with it. In terms of feeling threatened by the fact there are women throwing themselves at you at concerts, I don't think it's a whole lot different to lots of professions...Dr's,. lawyers, actors etc can also work long hours and find themselves with lots of opportunities, but many make their relationships work.

 

My advice, if you find someone you really like, never let her doubt your devotion to her so she need not worry about the other women out there.

 

As for how busy you are, many women are attracted to ambitious busy men...many women are busy and ambitious themselves...so I wouldn't worry about that being an issue of itself.

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Anyways, I was wondering if these gigs would bother the average girl in a relationship? Between my education, practicing with the band and doing gigs my free time will be limited (LIMITED, but certainly not non-existent). There's generally a lot of interested, single women at the gigs we do (well not only women obviously, but you get the idea :p )

 

I wouldn't be able to deal. The dynamics of being a musician IS to be stared at, lusted after. I mean-you are on a stage and everyone else is below you-staring up! Not for me, I like the shy retiring yet quietly confident type.

 

Music is my life, but I also want to find someone special and it'd kill me if I had to chose between love and my passion.

 

Why do you think you would have to choose? Tons of girls like the show guy, seek it out in fact.

 

Would me spending so much time focusing on my music and schoolwork bother you?

I love that my BF is as busy as I am, in fact much of the time I'm the one saying I don't have time!

 

You'll def find a girl who you don't have to sacrifice or put aside your dreams for though. But you''l also meet a fair share who will avoid musicians, unless they are into the music scene too.

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I think the answer is that it would depend on the woman. If she was secure and could trust you, and was the type of person attracted to your sort of pesonality and looks (of course) then she would probably be fine with it. In terms of feeling threatened by the fact there are women throwing themselves at you at concerts, I don't think it's a whole lot different to lots of professions...Dr's,. lawyers, actors etc can also work long hours and find themselves with lots of opportunities, but many make their relationships work.

 

My advice, if you find someone you really like, never let her doubt your devotion to her so she need not worry about the other women out there.

 

As for how busy you are, many women are attracted to ambitious busy men...many women are busy and ambitious themselves...so I wouldn't worry about that being an issue of itself.

 

Thanks for the reply!

I don't want to come off as some big rockstar or anything (Maybe in the future though, haha :p ). I wouldn't say we have women throwing themselves at us (well, except for the drummer, but I think he just has 'that vibe').. But I've certainly seen women checking me out and going out of their way to converse with me after gigs / during breaks.

 

EDIT: Thank you for the reply as well, Florida.

I know exactly what you mean, although I in no way picked up music with the idea of becoming a big stage guy - infact when I first started playing it was because I was depressed, pretty anti-social, had a lot of anxiety disorders, etc. It was just a way for me to vent. This is the first band I'm in and I'm really enjoying it, for the music though not for the attention. I still get very nervous and anxious, I'm just good at covering it up through years of practice.

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Thanks for the reply!

I don't want to come off as some big rockstar or anything (Maybe in the future though, haha :p ). I wouldn't say we have women throwing themselves at us (well, except for the drummer, but I think he just has 'that vibe').. But I've certainly seen women checking me out and going out of their way to converse with me after gigs / during breaks.

 

Lol. I'm sure there would be lots of opportunties for you if you wished to take advantage...lol.

 

But if you are a loyal guy Dynamo, you will have no problem finding a nice woman i think. Even if you are not, there are plenty of women who wlll probably still be interested! Oh, the life of a blossoming rock star!

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Lol. I'm sure there would be lots of opportunties for you if you wished to take advantage...lol.

 

But if you are a loyal guy Dynamo, you will have no problem finding a nice woman i think. Even if you are not, there are plenty of women who wlll probably still be interested! Oh, the life of a blossoming rock star!

 

Yeah I'm sure there are opportunities, although I'm sorta in a funny predicament - the women who go to our shows, sure they are attractive, but they just aren't my type of girl. Most of them like to party, drink a lot, etc etc. I'm all for having a good time, but I'm looking for a real relationship with a girl - someone who'd rather stay home and watch movies or go out on a picnic in the park, rather then go out and party hard every night.

Like I said I'm in a band for the music experience, I'm not a huge fan of the Band/fan atmosphere.. =/ I know, it doesn't make much sense, but I'm stupid like that.

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Well Dyn, I think if you are with someone who really cares about you, then they will support your passions. Of course, it is always nicer if they share the same passions, but if not, then they (hopefully) will be OK with it anyway you put it down. I've certainly been involved with guys who were REALLY into their thing, and when it has been a musician, I fully understood the depth of that passion, and gave him his space. Plus, it's a turnon to see a guy SO into something. :)

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Well Dyn, I think if you are with someone who really cares about you, then they will support your passions. Of course, it is always nicer if they share the same passions, but if not, then they (hopefully) will be OK with it anyway you put it down. I've certainly been involved with guys who were REALLY into their thing, and when it has been a musician, I fully understood the depth of that passion, and gave him his space. Plus, it's a turnon to see a guy SO into something. :)

 

Thanks for the post JB :D I think your right, I just need to find a girl who would be willing to support my passion. And it's not like I'm touring the country or anything, we do have free time (which I would devote entirely to her), I'm just worried that this sort of off-on-off type of relationship would bother a girl.

Of course, I'd invite her to all my shows if she wanted a backstage pass ;)

 

On a side note, you a Run D.M.C fan, JB? Not really my preferred genre of music but I do really like them - in fact I got a Run D.M.C shirt for Christmas from a friend. :)

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Thanks for the post JB :D I think your right, I just need to find a girl who would be willing to support my passion. And it's not like I'm touring the country or anything, we do have free time (which I would devote entirely to her), I'm just worried that this sort of off-on-off type of relationship would bother a girl.

Of course, I'd invite her to all my shows if she wanted a backstage pass ;)

 

On a side note, you a Run D.M.C fan, JB? Not really my preferred genre of music but I do really like them - in fact I got a Run D.M.C shirt for Christmas from a friend. :)

 

It would be like if you were dating a girl who was an artist. She would need to spend a good deal of time painting, holing up and working her craft. Which may not include you all the time. But, if you loved her, then you would understand, right? :) I do find that you creative, artistic types tend to stay together. Perhaps because you do understand how your art can overwhelm your life. Kind of like cops and nurses dating - lol. Commonality.

 

Oh, I love ALL kinds of music - big Staind fan, Zeppelin, Paul Rodgers, all 80s, Sinatra - lol, etc. Pretty much all over the board. I have about 6k songs in the ipod, and I get stuck on something for a bit. Last week it was Imogene Heap. :) But Run DMC was the first band to combine rock and rap, and I still think their sound is great.

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To answer your first post:

 

I probably have a biased view on musicians because I grew up with them all around me. I have an older brother who rotated bands through our garage weather he played with them or not. That started when I was 11.

 

You will need to have a girl that isn't the jealous type. You will probably have a lot of girls going after you at some point. So the girl you date will have to have faith in you that you can resist that. When you get her a backstage pass, she will have to realize that you can't give her the normal attention you do outside of the gig. If you just be honest & let her know what to expect up front, I'm sure you can find someone that can accept it & support you through it all.

 

I have more I could share with you. I just feel awkward putting it on a public forum.

 

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

**Most people don't understand the effect of music unless they are a true music lover & understand it's not just an audio experience.**

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To answer your first post:

 

I probably have a biased view on musicians because I grew up with them all around me. I have an older brother who rotated bands through our garage weather he played with them or not. That started when I was 11.

 

You will need to have a girl that isn't the jealous type. You will probably have a lot of girls going after you at some point. So the girl you date will have to have faith in you that you can resist that. When you get her a backstage pass, she will have to realize that you can't give her the normal attention you do outside of the gig. If you just be honest & let her know what to expect up front, I'm sure you can find someone that can accept it & support you through it all.

 

I have more I could share with you. I just feel awkward putting it on a public forum.

 

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

**Most people don't understand the effect of music unless they are a true music lover & understand it's not just an audio experience.**

 

Hey thanks for the reply. :) I guess the key is finding a girl who wouldn't get jealous easily then, haha. I'd love to hear more you have to say on the matter, it's always great hearing from people who grew up in the band atmosphere. I know exactly what you mean by your last bit too, music is so much more then just sound.. It's raw emotion and the purist form of expression I feel I can ever possibly show as a human being. My love for it is pretty deep.

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music is so much more then just sound.. It's raw emotion and the purist form of expression I feel I can ever possibly show as a human being. My love for it is pretty deep.

 

......agreed. I can't even express it into words what I feel through music. I can be brought to tears over guitar licks & lyrics that no human speaking to my face can do.

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Look man I know its probably lonely not having a girl right now, but you;ll find one. Having things your pasionate about, and having a life that your busy with can only help you seem atractive. Good luck finding a girl don't be scared to try

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Okay so a sorta odd thread, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately and just curious on what you guys have to say.

 

For the past ten years or so music has pretty much been my life - I've always listened to music constantly, infact it's helped me get through some of the most difficult times I've ever had to face. I'd be completely lost without my music.

I picked up guitar when I was 12, and have been playing since. I'm still at the university, although I've become part of a band that does some small gigs around the state (I play rhythm guitar and backup vocals). So far it's an amazing experience and I love it to death.

 

Anyways, I was wondering if these gigs would bother the average girl in a relationship? Between my education, practicing with the band and doing gigs my free time will be limited (LIMITED, but certainly not non-existent). There's generally a lot of interested, single women at the gigs we do (well not only women obviously, but you get the idea :p ) Music is my life, but I also want to find someone special and it'd kill me if I had to chose between love and my passion. Would me spending so much time focusing on my music and schoolwork bother you? And would it bother you that there are a lot of interested single women at these shows (even though I'd rather be with you?)

Just to avoid any confusion, I am not currently in a relationship - I'm just trying to prepare for the future.

 

Thanks everyone :)

 

Everyone is different, perhaps some emotionally stable and well adjusted women would not mind, but as for me it would bother me a lot. I would never date a musician who travels gig to gig because I am pretty sure 99 percent would cheat. Most men would not be able to control themselves and turn down sex, especially if they know they can get away with it.

 

I would ONLY be ok with it if I can follow him from gig to gig (I am self-employed and only need a laptop to work) and I can EASILY afford to travel from gig to gig and pay my own way.

 

I think most musicians are prone to cheating period. They tend to receive more female attention and I know men cannot turn down free beaver. It's encoded in a man's dna to spread his seed around. I think a woman has a better chance if she picks an undesirable man. If she picks a man who has too many options he will be more likely to stray.

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Everyone is different, perhaps some emotionally stable and well adjusted women would not mind, but as for me it would bother me a lot.

 

Wow! You must not be a emotionally stable and well adjusted women!

 

But it's good that you are able to admit that.

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I think most musicians are prone to cheating period. They tend to receive more female attention and I know men cannot turn down free beaver.

 

Aw, thats tough! I think Bonjovi married his HS sweetheart, and they seem to be pretty happy. :)

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Aw, thats tough! I think Bonjovi married his HS sweetheart, and they seem to be pretty happy. :)

 

He cheats on her all the time. I don't consider it a compliment if he married her but sowed 10,000 oats before he actually married her.

 

Rock frontman JON BON JOVI insists working in the music business meant it was inevitable he would cheat on his wife DOROTHEA, and he maintains the experience was "great fun".

 

The KEEP THE FAITH singer claims being a player is part of the job, although rock 'n' roll family men such as JOHN LYDON and DAVID BOWIE might disagree.

 

He says, "Rock has this destructive image and there's a lot of hedonism to be had, but it's great.

 

"I've had my fun, trust me. I haven't been a saint - I've had my lapses with other women, sure.

 

"Welcome to the music business."

 

Source : http://www.contactmusic.com/new/xmlfeed.nsf/mndwebpages/bon%20jovi%20infidelity%20is%20part%20of%20the%20job_22_01_2006

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Aw, thats tough! I think Bonjovi married his HS sweetheart, and they seem to be pretty happy. :)

 

Yes some women are happy dating a millionaire rock star and don't mind if he cheats while on the road. How sweet. High school sweethearts indeed. Very sweet indeed.

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He cheats on her all the time. I don't consider it a compliment if he married her but sowed 10,000 oats before he actually married her.

 

Rock frontman JON BON JOVI insists working in the music business meant it was inevitable he would cheat on his wife DOROTHEA, and he maintains the experience was "great fun".

 

The KEEP THE FAITH singer claims being a player is part of the job, although rock 'n' roll family men such as JOHN LYDON and DAVID BOWIE might disagree.

 

He says, "Rock has this destructive image and there's a lot of hedonism to be had, but it's great.

 

"I've had my fun, trust me. I haven't been a saint - I've had my lapses with other women, sure.

 

"Welcome to the music business."

 

Source : http://www.contactmusic.com/new/xmlfeed.nsf/mndwebpages/bon%20jovi%20infidelity%20is%20part%20of%20the%20job_22_01_2006

 

 

Well, whatever you do. After THAT revelation, please do not tell me there is no Santa Claus. Damn!

 

:( Even Bonjovi. sniffle. And here I was thinking he was a good doobie... :(

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Well, whatever you do. After THAT revelation, please do not tell me there is no Santa Claus. Damn!

 

:( Even Bonjovi. sniffle. And here I was thinking he was a good doobie... :(

 

No men are good doobies, especially a rock star. They are all bad :eek:

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personaly I dont think hes in a rock star situation right now where a bunch of girls are throwing themselves at him. Sounds like hed feel lucky to be dating just one girl he clicked with at the current time

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personaly I dont think hes in a rock star situation right now where a bunch of girls are throwing themselves at him. Sounds like hed feel lucky to be dating just one girl he clicked with at the current time

 

Well, in his post he wrote : "There's generally a lot of interested, single women at the gigs we do", that's a dangerous situation.

 

He doesn't NEED to be a rockstar to have girls throwing themselves at him. Lots of women are drawn to musicians even if the guys aren't famous etc

 

And he wrote himself that there's a lot of single interested women around. That sounds volatile and dangerous as it is.

 

Look at Nicole Richie, even she was following her bf from Good Charlotte around recently on tour in Australia even though she was pregnant because she knows what's up. Let a man go by himself and anything can happen.

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he wouldnt be on here wonder about being in a relationship if he currently had oportunities with girls he found attractive... Girls hes attracted to arnt throwing themselves at him. Hes just a regular guy who is busy with a band and school, he just hope to find a girl he likes, and that will like him back. I say being in a band and busy with posotive things will only make him seem more attractive. But hes going to have to make an effort to meet women hes attracted to if he's lonely for a relationship

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he wouldnt be on here wonder about being in a relationship if he currently had oportunities with girls he found attractive... Girls hes attracted to arnt throwing themselves at him. Hes just a regular guy who is busy with a band and school, he just hope to find a girl he likes, and that will like him back. I say being in a band and busy with posotive things will only make him seem more attractive. But hes going to have to make an effort to meet women hes attracted to if he's lonely for a relationship

 

He's asking if him playing gigs would bother most women and I think it would, except if the woman is very confident which is hard to find. Most women I know would HATE it and have to be at every gig to see what he's doing, who he is talking to, etc.

 

I don't think I would mind the time he would be spending on music or school, just the fact that there would be a lot of women around gigs, women fans etc.

 

THAT is the part that is bothersome. Being a musician is a threat to most women because male musicians are surrounded by more females. I would consider it threatening and not like it at all!

 

I think male musicians are even MORE likely to cheat than the average male (who already cheats a lot as it is). The odds would not be good.

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He's asking if him playing gigs would bother most women and I think it would, except if the woman is very confident which is hard to find. Most women I know would HATE it and have to be at every gig to see what he's doing, who he is talking to, etc.

 

I don't think I would mind the time he would be spending on music or school, just the fact that there would be a lot of women around gigs, women fans etc.

 

THAT is the part that is bothersome. Being a musician is a threat to most women because male musicians are surrounded by more females. I would consider it threatening and not like it at all!

 

I think male musicians are even MORE likely to cheat than the average male (who already cheats a lot as it is). The odds would not be good.

 

Yeah and I said being busy doing things he likes, especialy if those things are music and higher education, should only help him get and keep a girl. Then because of all the rock star talk, and talk of guys hooking up with bunchs of girls I saw mentioned and cheating, I mentioned that I dont think this is his situation. I think he'd be happy at this point to just find one girl he clicked with, it doesnt strike me that hes in a situation where tons of chicks hes atracted to are trying to start relations with him at this time.

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