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Said she's not ready for a relationship...what?


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Old 30th December 2007, 9:49 PM   #1
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Said she's not ready for a relationship...what?

So I just moved to a new city and I met this girl. We've been dating for the past two months or so and there has been some road blocks. Initially, we made an agreement to take things slow and work towards a relationship because she got her heart broken several months back and I was hesitant to commit myself to a girl who was not sure of herself. Anyway, after a while I started getting these strong feelings for her. We were spending a lot of time with eachother, and it seemed like we were in a relationship. We had a talk one day about what we want, and I told her I wanted to be exclusive with her. Well, she mentioned that she has to "figure herself out" and "be on her own" so she knows that she can depend on herself and not someone else. I thought this was acceptable, but then I couldn't take it anymore and I gave her an ultimatum to either be with me or not. Well, this basically pushed her away...and after two days of calling her, I could sense something was wrong. Eventually, we met up to talk about this in person and she said she "wasn't ready for a relationship". I had an issue with this because she kept on saying that she is working on being with me in the long run etc, but now she is saying she wants to do her own thing. At the same time, she says she likes me a lot, and we have a good time when we are together. Now, I just feel like I'm chasing her and there is so much uncertainty with what she really means when she is saying she doesn't want a relationship with me right now. I mean I translated this into "I want to date other people", but she swears to me that's not the case, and even mentioned her parents think she's not even ready for a relationship.

So two questions:
1. what does it mean when she says she's not ready for a relationship with me? Keep in mind she is of asian decent, so it makes it harder to read her because of cultural differences.
2. what should I do here? It seems that she has complete control of this situation and I'm waiting for her to come out and say she wants to be with me, which is kind of bogus. Also, there is always the possibility she's not being sincere with me and just wants to keep me around until something better comes along. OR she is being honest and wants to take things slow. If that's the case, I'm all about it, but I think it would be best to date other women so I'm not completely hooked on this one (however, I kind of already am hooked on her...I can't stop thinking about her!).

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Forbin
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Old 30th December 2007, 9:55 PM   #2
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It means she's not ready for a relationship with you. How else do you think that would translate? What you should do is leave her alone and try your best to get her out of your mind. Anything else is completely and voluntarily masochistic of you. Though I know it will be more fun to try to convince her she does want to be with you. That should be a lot of fun.

Whatever reason is, the bottom line is the same... she does not want to be with you.
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Old 30th December 2007, 10:13 PM   #3
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Re:

Any other opinions? I mean I'm taking the perspective here to give it a few more dates and see what happens. If nothing materializes, then I'm out.
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Old 30th December 2007, 10:14 PM   #4
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To pursue this would make you a doormat in training, if that's not the case already.
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Old 30th December 2007, 10:16 PM   #5
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When she says she doesn't want a relationship with you, it means this:

She doesn't want a relationship with you.

Do this:

Bend over, bunch yourself in the balls, and MAN UP!!!
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Old 30th December 2007, 10:22 PM   #6
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Here's my opinion.

When the two of you met, you had an understanding to take it slowly. You've now changed your mind and want more. Why do you feel it's your right to change the original agreement, based on your personal timing? Don't her feelings and timing matter to you?

She's stated her position, in what appears to be a non-negotiable position. You can either walk, due to your dissatisfaction that she hasn't folded when you wanted her to, or you can rediscuss the situation with her, find out if she sees an exclusive relationship in the future, and be a little more patient.
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Old 30th December 2007, 10:45 PM   #7
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Ok enough of the lies. when a girl says she doesnt want a relationship or isnt ready for one, she just doesn't want one with you.

if some other dude came by and knocked her off her feet, she'd be dying to get into a relationship with him.

- and now... i'm leaving out of town until Wednesday. Peace!
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Old 30th December 2007, 11:08 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trialbyfire View Post
Here's my opinion.

When the two of you met, you had an understanding to take it slowly. You've now changed your mind and want more. Why do you feel it's your right to change the original agreement, based on your personal timing? Don't her feelings and timing matter to you?

She's stated her position, in what appears to be a non-negotiable position. You can either walk, due to your dissatisfaction that she hasn't folded when you wanted her to, or you can rediscuss the situation with her, find out if she sees an exclusive relationship in the future, and be a little more patient.
I couldn't agree more.

Based on what you've said, Forbin, I don't think this is a matter of her not wanting to be in a relationship with you. It sounds more like she's just not ready to be in a relationship with anyone, period. You agreed to take it slowly, and now you're trying to change the pace because YOU want to. But the fact of the matter is she's just not ready.
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Old 30th December 2007, 11:19 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Legend View Post
Ok enough of the lies. when a girl says she doesnt want a relationship or isnt ready for one, she just doesn't want one with you.
Not always true, and definitely not what I see happening in this case. I'm with TBF on this one.

It's important to be in a good place in your life before beginning to share that life with someone else. I think your girl is mature for understanding this. To get into a relationship when you aren't ready only spells disaster.

If you like her, have some patience - unless she starts dating/ sleeping with other guys. In that case, run in the other direction, cause your heart's gonna get trampled on.
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