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How can I get to relax?


alwaysworried

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alwaysworried

So my problem is that everytime I meet someone, I get all nervous all the time and can't seem to relax. This has screwed up some potential relationships. I don't know if I get my hopes up too soon or what, but it's always the same, like right now, we've been talking for a few days and one day I don't hear from him and start thinking that maybe he's not interested anymore. Or whenever we talk, I always ask a lot of questions (nothing serious lol, just random stuff), and I've noticed he doesn't do the same, so does this mean he's not interested in learning more about me?

 

I know it sounds crazy and I must seem like some kind of psycho, but I'm 25 years old and I've never had a serious relationship because of this crap, I start thinking "what if", and right now we haven't even gone out on a date yet and I'm already obsessing about his lack of attention towards me lol.

 

I really don't wanna screw up this one, so far I've acted normal and I don't think I have screwed up yet, but I think it's only a matter of time before I do or say something. How can I get to relax? What's normal and what's not normal at this stage of getting to know each other? Is it okay if I don't hear from him for a day or two? Am I supposed to play a little hard to get? I'm clueless, thank you.

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Good pick of LS name if you do always worry.

 

I think a certain level of anxiety is normal. But what I would do in your shoes is take your focus away from your performance and put it on his.

 

Remember, it takes two to tango and it takes two to make a good date.

 

Don't be afraid of a few moments of silence. I would even say you should learn to adopt silence as a friend. Not saying be mute,far from it. You say you ask a lot of questions and that's good. But once you asked a question and he answers and the conversation dies down, sit back comfortably and wait for him to introduce a new topic. The first few times you do this might feel like torture, but you'll see that it works. Silence actually enables speakers to follow their own thoughts and think of other topics.

 

Also, remember, he asked you on a date. That in itself shows that he's interested.

 

And another thing that helps, imagine your date is a close friend. After all, if things work out, that's what he will become.

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alwaysworried

Thank you.

 

It's just that I've always heard that when a man is interested in a woman, he'll try to do everything right, you know ask her lots of questions and chase her and all that. Until a few days ago, we were only talking through Facebook PM's, and then he asked for my messenger email, and we started talking through messenger. I knew this guy some years ago but we lost contact, anyway we never went out or anything, he was just a friend of a friend of a friend. And now he still hasn't asked for my phone number, should I give it to him? Or wait for him to ask? And would it be okay if he didn't see me online for a day or two, just so I don't seem too available?

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Thank you.

 

It's just that I've always heard that when a man is interested in a woman, he'll try to do everything right, you know ask her lots of questions and chase her and all that. Until a few days ago, we were only talking through Facebook PM's, and then he asked for my messenger email, and we started talking through messenger. I knew this guy some years ago but we lost contact, anyway we never went out or anything, he was just a friend of a friend of a friend. And now he still hasn't asked for my phone number, should I give it to him? Or wait for him to ask? And would it be okay if he didn't see me online for a day or two, just so I don't seem too available?

 

oh sorry I misunderstood. SO he hasn't asked you out on a date yet.

 

I believe that the best way to go about the early stages of dating is to keep your busy. As in, don't keep yourself off-line, be off-line because you're out having fun. This had the advantage of helping you relax and provinding you with stuff to say next time you run into him online. It doesn't have to be much: catch up with friends, go see a movie, go for a run, go to the musuem. Whatever. Just keep busy.

 

So I guess I would say you don't have to stay on-line. But hey, if he catches you on-line good for him.

 

As to the number... I usually wait for the guy to make the first move. But guys do like getting numbers. I don't know. Seriously. Perhaps someone else could advise you on this one.

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alwaysworried

no no, he did ask me out, we're going out next week (he lives a few hours away from here). but i'll just wait for him to ask for my number, i don't have to do all the work for him lol.

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no no, he did ask me out, we're going out next week (he lives a few hours away from here). but i'll just wait for him to ask for my number, i don't have to do all the work for him lol.

 

Ah well then! Marvelous! You're already doing great!

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alwaysworried

Oh, by the way, so far I've ended most of our online conversations. I like to have the final word lol.

 

So last night I asked him if he wanted my phone number, and he said he was (or pretended to be) embarrassed because that was the first thing he was supposed to do. So he said yes, that he wanted my number and so I gave it to him. Then he said if I wanted his and I said yes but that I'd never call him, because I didn't want to inconvenience him, and he said I could inconvenience him whenever I wanted.

 

Then we were talking about music and I mentioned a song that made me sad sometimes and he said that I should be happy because we found each other. And I just said ":)" and didn't say much more, and then changed the topic, cuz I don't know if he said that because he really thinks so or because it sounded like a nice thing to say, you know, courtesy. Then we were talking about something and I mentioned I was a bit hyper sometimes and he said that he was too, then I mentioned I was forgetful and he said the same, and then he said we were compatible, and I said "maybe, I hope so" and he said "I hope so too". So then we talked about random stuff and then I logged off, I said I had to go to bed and he said "you're leaving me?!?!" (in a playful tone I guess) and I said "I'm not, now you have my phone number :)", which I guess must have sounded desperate or something lol. And today I logged on and he talked to me first but he had to leave a few minutes later so that's how it's been so far.

 

He says nice things but I don't know if he means them or if he's just saying them out of boredom or something. We haven't even been out yet so he's not supposed to be that interested yet, but at least he should give me a call, right? How many days before I give up on him calling me? Or maybe he wants me to call him instead?

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alwaysworried

So I went out tonight and texted him, I said 'did you receive this' cuz I didn't know if he could receive my messages, and he answered back and said 'yes :)', so then I texted him 'so what's up' and he didn't reply. Two hours later I sent another message telling him that I sent that last message because I wanted to know if I could call him but that it seemed like he was busy, and of course he didn't reply. So then I was a little drunk and called him but I got his voicemail, like it didn't even ring so he had turned his cell phone off. Two hours later I got home and signed on to windows live and he was online, but two seconds after I logged on his status changed to away =S I don't know what to think, why the hell did he say all those things if he's clearly not interested? Why did he ask me out? I feel so low and so ugly right now because I thought he was interested and now he's clearly avoiding me, I feel so rejected, I know I'm not ugly or anything so why would he treat me like that? I feel so sad.

 

I don't know what I should do now. He'll be coming into town next week anyway to spend Christmas with his family I guess, so I know he'll be here, and I don't know if I should expect a call or if I should just forget about it and don't wait around for anything. I guess I'll know tomorrow for sure, when he replies to my messages or doesn't reply at all.

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Your going to screw things up, if your fixated on not screwing things up.

 

Each date is a chance for you to see what you like in a partner. If the person doesn't call you move on to your next date.

 

There could be many explanations as to why he isn't calling you back. So stop your worrying! even though I know that is difficult

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The trick is to just take on a take it or leave it approach.

You can't totally erase the nervous tension you feel, the key is to never let them know you are sweating!

 

Dating healthy has a lot to do with self confidence. The nervousness you feel probably impacts how you date.

 

It's easy to tell you not to worry so much, but that is easier said than done. I had to relearn how to date after my divorce and I found the best way to go about that was to practice! You don't have to put all your efforts into one person- play the field a bit, learn how to date and have fun without the pressure.

 

Being nervous just puts undue pressure on your efforts. The more you date- the better you will feel about it. The more you date, the easier it will gradually become.

 

Practice, practice!

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