Does keep it simple mean he doesn't want to get serious?

[LovesDog]

Sorry so long. But pleeease, give me some input!!

 

I'm really crazy about this guy. I have it bad for him which is really RARE. I'm never this into a man, ever. The run down: we are 30's, dating 7 weeks (feels a lot longer) and we are sleeping together. When we spend time together, I have no doubts that he is into me and really likes me. We have insane chemistry. He is very affectionate and kind. When we are not together, I have horrible doubts about it. Mostly because I feel I have to initiate emails or text and lately, phone calls. He seems to call about once a week randomly, and we've been seeing each other about once or twice a week (our schedules don't exactly mesh). In addition, I've initiated the recent past few dates (one was my xmas work dinner).

 

Today we just hung out - he was doing yard work and shined up his sweet car and I played with his dog and helped him with the leaves a bit. He seemed pre-occupied with his duties. He never does this kind of stuff when I'm around. Usually we watch movies, talk, go out. Once, he came up to me to give me a little peck on the lips. Usually he is very affectionate. Not at al the first couple of hours. Though, he did casually ask me what I wanted for xmas (I don't expect anything) and when I changed the subject, he brought it up again. (Would diamonds be asking too much?)

 

After being distant, we got cuddly on the couch while watching TV. At this point, we have very warm, cozy, tight hugs and gentle kissing, looking into eyes, stroking of face and hair, etc. Seems great, right?

 

Here's my problem (dumb dumb girl). So, since I have been initiating our time together for the past week or so, I mentioned that I was getting a weird vibe from him and that I would back off and wait for him to call me (I know, stupid thing for me to say). He said that I was wrong and that there was no vibe. He told me that I am thinking it too much and that I need to keep it simple. Again he repeated that I need to quit thinking so much. He once told me this around the 3rd week. He backed off from me a bit at that point also. But alas, we are still dating.

 

My heart is getting pretty wrapped around him. I can't stop thinking about it. I try. I'm staying really busy to keep my mind occupied, but I'm literally feeling like I am going insane. This one, for sure, is that bulleting, lurching rollercoaster ride where you want to throw up but just can't get off the damn thing!

 

And, I do understand and agree that I am thinking on it too much. But I'm totally falling for him. It's so hard not to call and want to talk more often. Maybe it is just a weird time to be in a new relationship because of the holidays and all.

 

But about keeping it simple. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? So, is he telling me that he doesn't want it to get serious? Or is he telling me that I need to just go with it and RELAX? Or can guys just fake it with long tight warm hugs, burrowing their face into your neck, and staring into eyes with a sweet smile in order to keep having great sex on occasion? Today, there was none because I went home early.

 

Oh and one more thing, he always asks me what I am thinking when we are just laying there relaxing, either just cuddling or after sex. I always tap dance around the question saying "nuthin'" or "just relaxing" or "I'm just happy". But when I put it back on him "what are YOU thinking?", he says "you can't answer a question with a question" or "nuthin'". One time, I asked him what did he want me to be thinking. He just laughed at me.

 

So, keep it simple?

[D-Lish]

In my experience- keep it simple means just that.... no pressure.

I too am in my 30's...and I find dating is a lot more complicated than it was when I was younger. People come with a little more baggage and by baggage I mean experience with being burned.

 

It sounds like he is still feeling things out, perhaps protecting his own feelings a little.

 

If you feel he is waiting for you to initiate.... then stop initiating until he starts doing so himself.

 

It's hard as hell to have strong feelings for someone and play it cool- believe me, I know.... but you have to.

 

Pull back a little and let him initiate for a change. If he doesn't- he just isn't worth your time and energy.

 

Has he been married before?

[LovesDog]

yep. i've considered this, too. he's been divorced for 2 years. in the beginning of us dating, he said that he wasn't looking for anything serious because his past few relationships went to s***. then he also said, if things happened to spark up with a girl, however, he would pursue it.

[D-Lish]

Are you divorced?

 

I am divorced, was with the same guy for almost 10 years.

I can honestly say it changes people. It changed me. I have had intimacy difficulty since that experience.

 

Having said that- I feel the same. If the right man came along- I would pursue it. I'd fight it initially though.

 

It sounds as if it is just a matter of taking it slow.

[Starry-eyed]

I can relate to a lot of your feelings, LovesDog!

 

 

But about keeping it simple. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? So, is he telling me that he doesn't want it to get serious? Or is he telling me that I need to just go with it and RELAX?

 

Maybe both of those things. It sounds like he wants to just take it day-by-day right now, not become serious or dependent. Some guys are cautious with their feelings and don't want to jump into anything. And maybe he has an independent streak and likes to maintain his own space. I completely understand wanting him to want to talk to you more, be with you more, and you wanting him to call more often. I felt like that about my bf for a long time, but it's helping me to be a more independent person, and I'm getting used to it but also, now we talk more.

 

 

Or can guys just fake it with long tight warm hugs, burrowing their face into your neck, and staring into eyes with a sweet smile in order to keep having great sex on occasion?

 

That is a good question and one to which I do not know the answer. I hope the answer is "no!", but some guys are "playas." You'd think that kind of intimacy, though, would indicate he really likes you.

[LovesDog]

Are you divorced?

 

I am divorced, was with the same guy for almost 10 years.

I can honestly say it changes people. It changed me. I have had intimacy difficulty since that experience.

 

Having said that- I feel the same. If the right man came along- I would pursue it. I'd fight it initially though.

 

It sounds as if it is just a matter of taking it slow.

 

Me, I've never been married but have had several bfs and one LTR (6 yrs). I'm very independent, successful, busy, attractive, smart, positive, confident (except with this guy). Unfortunately, I'm so ready to fall. So, I guess my guard is really down. I think I need to back up and just let it happen.

 

I'd like more input from some men, though!! Anyone?

[D-Lish]

I'm very independent, successful, busy, attractive, smart, positive, confident (except with this guy). Unfortunately, I'm so ready to fall. So, I guess my guard is really down. I think I need to back up and just let it happen.

 

 

Well, I'll let the guys chime in from here on out- but one last reply to your above comment.

 

Men love busy, confident, strong women. That is what often attracts a man to a woman in the first place. It screams "I am not needy"....and that is attractive.

[sumdude]

I am divorced, was with the same guy for almost 10 years.

I can honestly say it changes people. It changed me. I have had intimacy difficulty since that experience.

 

Having said that- I feel the same. If the right man came along- I would pursue it. I'd fight it initially though.

 

It sounds as if it is just a matter of taking it slow.

 

 

This sounds right on to me... Being recently divorced It's hard to imagine opening up to anyone too quickly or allowing a relationship to take off running.

 

You will have to be very patient. Depending on how his divorce went down he could be very cautious with his heart.

 

When your hearts been broken pretty badly it's like recovering from broken legs. You start by first standing up, then a step or two, then more and more.

 

Keep it simple means just that... one day at a time... live in the moment and enjoy it. He's going to think long and hard about making any commitments after a divorce and that may not be a bad thing at all. Just be sure you can handle the fits and starts he might go through.

[Sunblast]

LOL I love this...

 

Guy: Keep it simple.

Girl: Keep it simple? What does he really mean? Goes online, writes up a page, and analyzes it with anonymous people over a few pages.

 

This guy, together with their relationship, has NO CHANCE.

 

Funny, though.

[LovesDog]

LOL I love this...

 

Guy: Keep it simple.

Girl: Keep it simple? What does he really mean? Goes online, writes up a page, and analyzes it with anonymous people over a few pages.

 

This guy, together with their relationship, has NO CHANCE.

 

Funny, though.

 

HEY, thanks for replying to my first heartfelt post and making me feel like crap. How very nice of you! In fact, have you read other posts on here? You are a complete ass!

 

This sounds right on to me... Being recently divorced It's hard to imagine opening up to anyone too quickly or allowing a relationship to take off running.

 

You will have to be very patient. Depending on how his divorce went down he could be very cautious with his heart.

 

When your hearts been broken pretty badly it's like recovering from broken legs. You start by first standing up, then a step or two, then more and more.

 

Keep it simple means just that... one day at a time... live in the moment and enjoy it. He's going to think long and hard about making any commitments after a divorce and that may not be a bad thing at all. Just be sure you can handle the fits and starts he might go through.

 

I really appreciate this. I agree w/u completely.