Having Some Issues With My Girlfriend

[Chauncey]

Hello Everyone,

 

First off I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm new to all of this. I've never expressed my personal relationships with anyone besides my close friends, and obviously the one I love.

 

Lately however, things are starting to bother me about my current girlfriend. To be frank, I'm not sure where to begin, again all of this is quite new to me, and to be frank, I'm a bit embarrassed.

 

I guess one thing that has been bothering me the last couple of months or so, are issues in the bedroom. To be frank, she just hasn't been satisfying me enough, at least that is what I believe. And don't get me wrong, the sex and foreplay is great, however she never quite "finishes the job". Lately, it's been my job to satisfy her, and when she's done, she ends up getting tired, kisses me goodnight, and shuts off the light, and I'm sitting there ready to go. Me being the nice guy that I am, either end up falling asleep at half-mass, or go rub one out before falling asleep.

 

I've spoken to her about this, and unfortunately she took it a bit hard for a few days, and than got over it. She was dissapointed in herself, which I reassured her that she shouldn't be so hard on herself.

 

I'm not sure what I can do to get the point across anymore, without being blunt and hurting her feelings. Unfortunately I'm not completely experienced as she is. I was a virgin up until we met, and she was my first, which I cannot be more than thankful for, as I love her extremely. For some reason or another, in the back of my mind, I've been wondering if she's been using this against me? Meaning that since I never had sex before we met, that I would be just fine without it for a few weeks?

 

I mean, how much sex do average couples have in their early twenties? We live about an hour apart, and the only time I get to see her is on the weekends, usually the time we can get intimate, but it's starting to bother me that it's been almost three weeks and still nothing...to say the least I'm sexually frustrated and deprived. I think I masturbate more now than I did when I was a virgin.

 

 

Now, for the other issue (yes there is another, and I'm sorry for such a long first post). I've read a few similar threads regarding troubles with a significant other's past. Lately bits and pieces of her past have been coming to my attention in both blunt and indirectly ways. Things that I could never believe she could do, knowing the wonderful and professional person that she is. One major thing I found out was on her birthday this year. I ended up setting up a big-surprise party for her with all our close friends, getting her some nice jewelry, and making her a photo album of all our photos together. The night of the party, during the time she got her cake, some of her friends were talking about how crazy she was, and one of them and their big mouths told a story in front of everyone regarding her going down on a guy at a party her Senior year in high school, with his girlfriend at the party. Before this, the only part of the story I knew of (which she told) was that she made out with him in front of his girlfriend. Least to say I wasn't happy, and I let her know that. I couldn't believe it came out at this point in time.

 

I also found out about a few other sexual encounters (nothing crazy), but based on a few conversations with her, I would say she has been with about 5-7 guys since meeting me. I've been tempted to ask her, but again I don't want to cause friction. It's just hard for me to believe some of the things about her I've heard and seen, knowing how mature she has become.

 

Don't get the wrong idea here though, I love her more than I have ever loved anyone in this lifetime. I've been intimate with many others in non-sex ways before, but again she was my first, so I guess I have a bit of an attachment to her, but nevertheless she makes me feel wonderful about myself, and she has been broken hearted before, and tells me how lucky she is to have me.

 

I guess the question is, is it fair for me to poke and prod some more abotu her past, or like some have suggested to others, let what has happened in the past, stay in the past?

 

Whew...sorry everyone, but to say the least, I have a lot on my mind.

 

I would appreciate any insight or help into this dilemma. Thank you

[CD111]

Alright, my first suggestion would be to assess your bedroom routine as a couple. Is it always the same? You both may need to add some spice to the relationship. Things may have become too monotonous. There are probably also underlying issues present. Like the fact that you freaked out and were mad at her because of her past. So she was a little wild and crazy when se was young. Nothing to be embarrassed about. It's not like she can change that. I am sure she is not proud of those things and you have no right to get mad at her for them. Her past is her past and much of that has made her what she is today so please don't judge her based on that. With that said there may actually be many things about her past that you don't know because she knows you would look down upon her for it. NOT cool.

 

It's definitely not fair for you to want to know about her past if you are going to judge.

 

Also wild and crazy things get said at parties once people have had a few, that's just the way it is and I bet no one, but yourself, has any issues about your gf's wild and crazy past.

 

You two might want to try some of that wild and crazy to bring some spark back into your relationship. She is probably up for it, however, you might need to loosen up a bit.

 

From my previous experiences when I said I was too tired to have sex on a regular basis it meant that I was bored. My ex was much more conservative then me sexually and he detoured me from suggesting some new fun in our sex life because he reacted negatively when I mentioned blind folds and never suggested anything new on his own.

 

You did the right thing by confronting her about your lack of satisfaction in the bedroom, communication is very important. Seriously go to the book store or the adult store, they generally have some great ideas. This way it could be something you both are doing together and may bring you closer together.

[Leia]

I guess the question is, is it fair for me to poke and prod some more abotu her past, or like some have suggested to others, let what has happened in the past, stay in the past?

 

It is never a good idea to ask about someone's sexual past! Especially someone you love.... you'll get too much information out of it which you'd regret asking in the first place, that is if she wanted to tell you everything to begin with.

 

I would just let the past the be the past. Enjoy the present. As long as she treats you right, that is all that matters.

[Chauncey]

It is never a good idea to ask about someone's sexual past! Especially someone you love.... you'll get too much information out of it which you'd regret asking in the first place, that is if she wanted to tell you everything to begin with.

 

I would just let the past the be the past. Enjoy the present. As long as she treats you right, that is all that matters.

 

Trust me, the last thing I want to do is hurt her in anyway, and I completely agree that what she did with others in the past is none of my business. However, I'm a bit old fashioned, and was willing to save myself for someone I truly loved (as gay as that might sound to some) and it's just hard for me to believe she's been with so many guys considering she's only 22, primarily because she's a very mature and loving woman.

 

I know it shouldn't be bothering me, but sometimes it does, especially considering how sexually frustrated I am. I mean considering what she has done to other men, and I practically have to beg makes it quite difficult.

 

So confused...

[Leia]

How about you read this thread :

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t136142/

 

This guy is a virgin or was but his girlfriend had a complicated sexual past.. I didn't read all because it's way to long-winded but you might want to check it out.