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Understanding men why is it so hard?


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Old 23rd November 2007, 12:39 PM   #1
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Thumbs down Understanding men why is it so hard?

I was with my bf for about a year and half, i started nc with him back on 9/30 he knew how i felt about him i was in love with him, about the beginning of november I sent him a text asking for a practicular site that was deleted from my fav places, i sent him a text message on monday asking if we could meet to have a thanksgiving dinner on wed since i still wanted to be his friend still, i got no response from him, i texted him back about 3 hours later saying, you could of let me know something instead of ignoring me, he replied back he didnt want to argue with me, i didnt reply back to him, well yesterday he sends me a text message saying happy thanksgiving, i replied back same 2 u, i asked if he was enjoying it and again i got no response from him, why is he ignoring me, I told him i still want to be his friend and seems he doesnt even want to be friends with me, why is he avoding me? Why is he acting like this? Does he still care about me and hes trying to get over me? I need some answers please, if he didnt want to be bothered anymore by me why not just come and tell me why do men have to play these games, thought we were to old for games.
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Old 23rd November 2007, 1:17 PM   #2
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Elementary!

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Originally Posted by Lookn4love View Post
I was with my bf for about a year and half, i started nc with him back on 9/30 he knew how i felt about him i was in love with him, about the beginning of november I sent him a text asking for a practicular site that was deleted from my fav places, i sent him a text message on monday asking if we could meet to have a thanksgiving dinner on wed since i still wanted to be his friend still, i got no response from him, i texted him back about 3 hours later saying, you could of let me know something instead of ignoring me, he replied back he didnt want to argue with me, i didnt reply back to him, well yesterday he sends me a text message saying happy thanksgiving, i replied back same 2 u, i asked if he was enjoying it and again i got no response from him, why is he ignoring me, I told him i still want to be his friend and seems he doesnt even want to be friends with me, why is he avoding me? Why is he acting like this? Does he still care about me and hes trying to get over me? I need some answers please, if he didnt want to be bothered anymore by me why not just come and tell me why do men have to play these games, thought we were to old for games.
You can't understand "men" because one size does't fit all. We're all individuals and no one set of "rules" typifies all of us. That applies to women as well, just in case you didn't know that.

I will say that there is one fairly general commonality among men. Most of us are conflict adverse when it comes to relational issues.

Cocentrate on mAn, not mEn!
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Old 23rd November 2007, 1:24 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by C.
Most of us are conflict adverse when it comes to relational issues.
Grrrr...my pet peeve. It feels like you're walking on eggshells sometimes. It makes me throw up my hands in exasperation.

Communicate, damn it!!!

As for your guy, don't chase him. He wants space for whatever reason. Start to live your life the way you want to. He knows where to find you. Hopefully, you'll be somewhere else, somewhere more happy, by that time.
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Old 23rd November 2007, 1:28 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Lookn4love View Post
I was with my bf for about a year and half, i started nc with him back on 9/30 he knew how i felt about him i was in love with him, about the beginning of november I sent him a text asking for a practicular site that was deleted from my fav places, i sent him a text message on monday asking if we could meet to have a thanksgiving dinner on wed since i still wanted to be his friend still, i got no response from him, i texted him back about 3 hours later saying, you could of let me know something instead of ignoring me, he replied back he didnt want to argue with me, i didnt reply back to him, well yesterday he sends me a text message saying happy thanksgiving, i replied back same 2 u, i asked if he was enjoying it and again i got no response from him, why is he ignoring me, I told him i still want to be his friend and seems he doesnt even want to be friends with me, why is he avoding me? Why is he acting like this? Does he still care about me and hes trying to get over me? I need some answers please, if he didnt want to be bothered anymore by me why not just come and tell me why do men have to play these games, thought we were to old for games.
Did you two agree to be friends? Constant text messages may be making him feel like he is still in a relationship with you. It sounds like you are being a little too clingy, and wanting more out of him than just a friend. Did he break up with you? And why? And if you were doing no contact, why are you not doing it now?

It sounds like the guy is wanting space, and you aren't giving it to him. You need to do this. Also, why would you want to be friends with an ex bf who you are still in love with? You are NEVER going to be able to get over him by doing that. You said that you think he doesn't want to be friends with you..well did he ever say that he did want to be friends? IMO friends with ex bfs means you talk on occasion and are civil to each other. Usually you don't go from being bf/gf to being the best of friends..esp. if one person still has feelings for the other.

My advice is to just forget this guy and move on. Obviously he doesnt want constant contact with you, so do yourself a favor and stop trying. Move on, get over him, and find another relationship.
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Old 23rd November 2007, 3:23 PM   #5
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This isn't the same ex whose brother you have been hooking up with after you went NC, is it? (references here and here) Either way, is it possible that the more recent ex (the one you're currently doing sorta-NC with...) knows you have been having a kinda-FWB hookup since you went NC? If so, that's likely to make things just a bit more complicated, don't you think?

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Did you two agree to be friends? .... Did he break up with you? And why? And if you were doing no contact, why are you not doing it now?
These are my questions, too. Who initiated the breakup and the NC, and why? How was the relationship left, a "break", a "breakup", or what?
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Old 23rd November 2007, 7:34 PM   #6
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Well, would it help...

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Originally Posted by Trialbyfire View Post
Grrrr...my pet peeve. It feels like you're walking on eggshells sometimes. It makes me throw up my hands in exasperation.
...if I told you that I got over it years ago. I don't seek confrontation. Neither do I shun it if it comes my way.

In a past life I was as conflict-adverse as the next guy but sometimes even old dogs can be taught new tricks!
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Old 23rd November 2007, 7:41 PM   #7
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...if I told you that I got over it years ago. I don't seek confrontation. Neither do I shun it if it comes my way.

In a past life I was as conflict-adverse as the next guy but sometimes even old dogs can be taught new tricks!
Much better.

OP, you can sometimes force someone to talk but you rarely get an honest answer.

Regardless of who done who wrong, give him what he wants. Space, the final frontier, wide-open space. If he comes back into contact, tell him the teleporter is broken.
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Old 23rd November 2007, 8:43 PM   #8
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I told him i still want to be his friend and seems he doesnt even want to be friends with me,
He probably doesn't want to be friends with you. He probably wants to move onto other women, and you should move onto other men.
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Old 24th November 2007, 9:36 AM   #9
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He probably doesn't want to be friends with you. He probably wants to move onto other women, and you should move onto other men.
So, you're saying that by "being friends", she thinks they're actually still seeing each other?
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