elkhead71 Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Hey guys, So basically I was dating a long time friend for about a month, and everything was going well till she unexpectedly broke it off. One of the big reasons she gave me for it was that there was no "emotional connection" and she didn't feel we were going anywhere. So after a month I finally talked to her and she said she'll go out on one date with me after thanksgiving but doesn't think it'll lead anywhere because she doesn't have an "emotional connection". So my question is how do I make her feel the same way I feel about her. I have one date to give it my best and show her I do really care for her. I know you can't force an emotional connection onto somebody but is there anything I can do on this date to make her curious and want more, or feel something? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
LivA79 Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Find something she is passionate about, study up on it (if you have to), talk about it some on the date. You could mold yourself into what she wants in a man, but will you have the energy to keep up this "games", or is better to find someone that you have more things in common with? Link to post Share on other sites
Author elkhead71 Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 I know what she likes. I understand her but she thinks we're too different. The thing with when she said we didn't have an emotional connection was that I thought one was there and was surprised she wanted to break it off. I did try and find other girls but the thing is, none of them interest me like she does. I could go on for hours about how amazing she is but thats not the point. I just guess, I don't get how to show someone somethings there when she claims it not. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Hey guys, So basically I was dating a long time friend for about a month, and everything was going well till she unexpectedly broke it off. One of the big reasons she gave me for it was that there was no "emotional connection" and she didn't feel we were going anywhere. So after a month I finally talked to her and she said she'll go out on one date with me after thanksgiving but doesn't think it'll lead anywhere because she doesn't have an "emotional connection". So my question is how do I make her feel the same way I feel about her. I have one date to give it my best and show her I do really care for her. I know you can't force an emotional connection onto somebody but is there anything I can do on this date to make her curious and want more, or feel something? Thanks Things were going well from your point of view, but not hers. There is absolutely nothing you can do to make her feel something she doesn't really feel. She either wants to romance you or she doesn't. I think she tried it out for a month and decided that she'd rather just be friends. Unfortunately, it's complicated because you guys are friends, but that's the risk of dating someone you see as a friend. I don't know what to tell you. If it were me, I'd probably just respect her wishes and try to accept that she doesn't see the relationship the way you do. That can't be an easy thing to accept, but that's how I would look at it. If you don't care about the friendship or if the romance is really important to you, perhaps you could really push for it but know that there's only so much you can do. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I think that's the reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Racquel Colette Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 She was honest. I hope you can see the good part about that now. At least she didn't let it go on and get you really emotionally involved in a "relationship." I would back off. I wouldn't get your hopes up, but I have felt like I didn't have a connection with a guy, only to have him grow on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author elkhead71 Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 Sigh, I guess you guys are right. The thing thats really bugging me though is that she dated me , at a time that was absolutely horrible for me ( dad had to have surgery, school), and I believe that definitely played a big part of it. I really didn't have time for her (though I tried). I can accept if we had a normal relationship and she didn't want anymore, but I feel there's just so much I can do for and so much she doesn't know, I feel there's alot of potential, but I messed it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Don't ask her out for that one date she's doled out to you. Come on man, grab your pride and let her have all the space she wants and more. If she asks why you haven't asked, just tell her she didn't seem too enthusiastic so you had other things to do. Don't let her ego trip on you. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Sigh, I guess you guys are right. The thing thats really bugging me though is that she dated me , at a time that was absolutely horrible for me ( dad had to have surgery, school), and I believe that definitely played a big part of it. I really didn't have time for her (though I tried). I can accept if we had a normal relationship and she didn't want anymore, but I feel there's just so much I can do for and so much she doesn't know, I feel there's alot of potential, but I messed it up. Hmmm.... I'm not a big fan of the sympathy card, but sometimes it helps to talk about things. If she's been a long-time friend of yours, maybe it wouldn't hurt to just explain that your head's not entirely in the right place right now. I don't know if that will change anything, and I wouldn't mention your issues to her with the expectation that it would. I don't know...I guess I think that sometimes revealing some things about yourself and allowing yourself to be vulnerable can bring two people closer together - provided you don't fixate on it and sound pathetic. Besides, if she's a friend, maybe she'd want to know and be supportive. I know a lot of people will disagree, as we are supposed to be confident, without worry and never let people see us weak while we're in the courtship stage. We save that mushy stuff for when we actually get to know the person, and then we're somehow surprised at the inevitable disappointment that comes once we find out that we've been dating each other under false pretenses. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunblast Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Don't ask her out for that one date she's doled out to you. Come on man, grab your pride and let her have all the space she wants and more. If she asks why you haven't asked, just tell her she didn't seem too enthusiastic so you had other things to do. Don't let her ego trip on you. Good advice! I didn't expect it from TBF. Link to post Share on other sites
birdie Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 well it's the other way round for me, usually agree with TBF but not this time. go for that date. don't overdo it, don't get carried away and portray someone you are not, just be yourself and see if that bad patch in your life really affected the two of you or not. if I'm wrong and this is really just an ego trip for her then you will at least know and you will stop wondering. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 well it's the other way round for me, usually agree with TBF but not this time. go for that date. don't overdo it, don't get carried away and portray someone you are not, just be yourself and see if that bad patch in your life really affected the two of you or not. if I'm wrong and this is really just an ego trip for her then you will at least know and you will stop wondering. good luck. I think it's the terms and conditions she put on it, as defined by the OP. To say to someone who you know likes you that I will give you one date but only after Thanksgiving, seems a tad arrogant and unfeeling, especially since he was purportedly her friend. It makes me have zero sympathy for this woman. It also makes me wonder if the ol' ignore me, you'll want me more, might work for this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 I'm with Trialbyfire on this one.. You two dated a month..now im going to assume that equals around 4 to 6 dates maybe.. If she made it a point to say that there's no connection, that means she's already checked out man. She agreed to the date, because you two have been friends for a long time, so its not the worst thing in the world to hang out with you again. But when a woman has her mind set on something, that's usually it. Do EXACTLY what Trial said.. don't ask her out, and when she questions you, mention her lack of enthusiasm, and then leave her alone for a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author elkhead71 Posted November 24, 2007 Author Share Posted November 24, 2007 Thanks Guys. But I was the one who asked for that one more date. She kept on refusing saying it wasn't going to change how she felt about me, but I insisted till she finally agreed "if it would make me happy". She wasn't very enthusiastic about it, so I guess I'm in a pickle of to take her out and just have fun with her and not expect anything, or just never call her. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 Don't bother calling her. She'll wait for it... Link to post Share on other sites
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