WonderingWTD Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I met my boyfriend over a year ago. He instantly fell for me. I fought him off for about 6 months until i finally gace him a chance. We talked and hung out all the time. During that time i learned that his dad is from Saudi Arabia and that he is a Muslim. At first this kinda freaked me out because i didnt no anything about that religion except what i have seen on the news. But I continued getting to know him and everything he believes. I fell hard for this guy. We talked about our religions (im catholic) a lot because he new that i was close to clueless about muslims. And when the relationship started getting more and more serious, we talked about what would happen if we got married and had childern.. thats when i found out that i would have to convert to become a muslim and follow it, my children would never get to know the religion that i have studied my whole life, they would all have islamic names. Since then i have already given up some things. Such as pork. Muslims are not allowed to eat pork. He said since we kiss and what not it would be a good idea if i didnt eat it. So i gave it up, no more hotdogs. Another thing is that muslim men think they kindof own their women. Alex doesnt let me talk to other guys, and hes picky about what i wear. He tells me what to do a lot and i tell him i hate it. Its not as bad as im making it come off as, im just very independent. i mean this isn't what i pictured my life being.. but i just love him so much. I couldnt imagine giving him up.. and over religion? I love my religion also... So do i need to choose love or religion? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I met my boyfriend over a year ago. He instantly fell for me. I fought him off for about 6 months until i finally gace him a chance. We talked and hung out all the time. During that time i learned that his dad is from Saudi Arabia and that he is a Muslim. At first this kinda freaked me out because i didnt no anything about that religion except what i have seen on the news. But I continued getting to know him and everything he believes. I fell hard for this guy. We talked about our religions (im catholic) a lot because he new that i was close to clueless about muslims. And when the relationship started getting more and more serious, we talked about what would happen if we got married and had childern.. thats when i found out that i would have to convert to become a muslim and follow it, my children would never get to know the religion that i have studied my whole life, they would all have islamic names. Since then i have already given up some things. Such as pork. Muslims are not allowed to eat pork. He said since we kiss and what not it would be a good idea if i didnt eat it. So i gave it up, no more hotdogs. Another thing is that muslim men think they kindof own their women. Alex doesnt let me talk to other guys, and hes picky about what i wear. He tells me what to do a lot and i tell him i hate it. Its not as bad as im making it come off as, im just very independent. i mean this isn't what i pictured my life being.. but i just love him so much. I couldnt imagine giving him up.. and over religion? I love my religion also... So do i need to choose love or religion? You choose what will make you the most happiest and it sounds to me that you won't be too happy marrying him. In the Muslim world, you will become his property and probably lose all your rights. Think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I think an extremist or mostly Arab men are very religious. They feel like they 'own' their women which I do not agree with unless you're married even then, I wouldn't like the idea of being told what to wear or what not to wear. Not all Muslim men are like the one you described, trust me on that one.. just the one from Middle Eastern. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 You choose what will make you the most happiest and it sounds to me that you won't be too happy marrying him. In the Muslim world, you will become his property and probably lose all your rights. Think about it. Not necessarily true. It depends which part of a Muslim country you're from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderingWTD Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 Ive considered if i would be happy or not and it seems to change from week to week. I forgot to add that his mom was a catholic little white girl like me, then she married alex's dad and converted and had 3 children. She is very happy and she runs her own life. She doesnt wear a hijab (head scarf) which was another big factor for me. She has a great career, i wonder if itd be like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Not necessarily true. It depends which part of a Muslim country you're from. You are right, but I am basing my thoughts on how she described her Muslim BF. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Ive considered if i would be happy or not and it seems to change from week to week. I forgot to add that his mom was a catholic little white girl like me, then she married alex's dad and converted and had 3 children. She is very happy and she runs her own life. She doesnt wear a hijab (head scarf) which was another big factor for me. She has a great career, i wonder if itd be like that? There you go! It could be like that or it could turn out otherwise but seeing that he came from his mother's womb - why not talk to him about it? You've got nothing to lose. I do not wear a 'hijab', then again I am not from the Middle East! Mostly Iranians practise that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderingWTD Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 He does tell me what to do at times, but so do a lot of guys who arent muslim. That isnt the part that would decide me staying with him or not, it would be the converting and giving up my religion. Annd might i add he is a Sunni not a shi'i. The group of Al-Queada and most Arab muslims are Shi'i. They believe they own women and that they owe their lives to Allah. Sunnis cherish women, while they still don't think a women should talk to other guys, they give a women everything she needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderingWTD Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 At least thats what he has told me, im not sure if thats all true. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 He does tell me what to do at times, but so do a lot of guys who arent muslim. That isnt the part that would decide me staying with him or not, it would be the converting and giving up my religion. Annd might i add he is a Sunni not a shi'i. The group of Al-Queada and most Arab muslims are Shi'i. They believe they own women and that they owe their lives to Allah. Sunnis cherish women, while they still don't think a women should talk to other guys, they give a women everything she needs. He still sounds a little possessive to me, but the choice is yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderingWTD Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 He is very possesive but i think its more based on how much he loves and cares about me, rather than what god he believes in. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 He is very possesive but i think its more based on how much he loves and cares about me, rather than what god he believes in. Possessiveness is not derived from love, its derived from insecurities and jealousy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderingWTD Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 Well im past the possesiveness of him, ive accepted that yea he is a jealous guy and thats something i can deal with... for now at least. Link to post Share on other sites
tigergem Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 uh huh, and regardless of religion, the possessive, insecure ones are the ones that are most likely to beat the carp out of you later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderingWTD Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 ok thats not true. I am not worried at all that alex would ever hit me or hurt me in anyway, regardless of how jealous he is. You can never assume that of someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderingWTD Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 So anymore suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Oh man. I would very very very seriously reconsider this relationship. You say he's possessive and tells you what to do.... and you don't like it. This is NOT a pattern that will improve over time - if anything he is likely to become even more possessive and controlling. Think about it: from your description he doesn't see anything wrong with this and has his culture and religion to back him up that it's okay, and even appropriate. You are extremely unlikely to change this in him. Which means that YOU are facing the prospect of changing YOURSELF to get comfortable with the idea of changing your religion, career, sense of self even. Marriages whose success hinges on one partner radically changing is a very shaky, and likely unhappy, marriage. And no, this does not necessarily mean he is destined to beat the crap out of you. However, a once-close friend of mine married a man that didn't like that she had male friends... ("it's just because he loves me so much and wants me all for himself!") Eventually he became emotionally and physically abusive. If you are an independent person, I beg you to please use your head and not your heart to make this decision. While you can't imagine loving anyone else, or living without him, TRUST ME when I say that you can. You can live without him, and you will love again. Don't sacrifice your dreams, your career, your religion, your friends, or your sense of who you are, for the sake of a relationship. It is never worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bulbberbutt Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 First signs of an abusive person is being possive. Save yourself the hurt. Finish school go to college and worry about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderingWTD Posted October 22, 2007 Author Share Posted October 22, 2007 I am not going to leave Alex. I think i made the his possesiveness sound a lot more severe then it is. He doesnt think he owns me or anything... i guess i forgot to mention that i broke his trust at one point and cheated on him with one of his close friends, that was only 4 months ago and i think that holds a major part in him not wanting me to talk to guys. And him telling me what to do isnt like "go get me a sandwich NOW" Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderingWTD Posted October 22, 2007 Author Share Posted October 22, 2007 Im not going to leave alex. I think i made him come off a lot worse then he is. His possesiveness is more him not trusting me, because i broke it early on by sleeping with his best friend. Ever since hes been more cautious of who i talk to and hang out with. I still have many close friends and our relationhip doesnt affect my schooling at all. I made him come off a lot worse then he is. I just am not sure about the religion aspect, i mean.. does anyone no if its possible to have a split religiion family when muslims are part of it? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 So if you have already made up your mind about staying with him, then what is your question? Link to post Share on other sites
ItIs Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 With all due respect, are you really posting here to ask for advice or receive a "vote of confidence" for what you've decided to do already? I agree with sunshine 100%, but it appears you're really dead-set on not leaving him. OK. Then you will either have to convert to Islam and force it down your children's throats, or he will most assuredly leave you. Possessiveness is not derived from love, its derived from insecurities and jealousy. True, but to some extent this is only natural. Still, it's not something I consider desirable to have to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 True, but to some extent this is only natural. Still, it's not something I consider desirable to have to deal with. We all get jealous and/or insecure at times, but the healthiest of us will be able to keep it in check before it gets out of hand. Link to post Share on other sites
ItIs Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 100% agreed, Riddler. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I've seen this scenario happen quite alot where I live and it rarely turns out well for the non-muslim female. You should never convert to a religion simply to be with a certain partner, it'll rarely work. His possesiveness is more him not trusting me, because i broke it early on by sleeping with his best friend !!!! This is a whole other issue! Link to post Share on other sites
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