Do guys get emotionally closer with being physical?

[wwwazzup]

i just started recently dating this guy in the last few weeks. he said he didnt want to see others during this time and that he wants to take it slow but does eventually want a relationship. i have NO issues with that!

 

when i asked him if he has started any feelings for me, he said it takes time for him which i believe to be true with most men, but do know he has some feelings as he said he started them. he is willing to wait to be physical and respects me for waiting.

 

my concern is this. since we have not been physical yet, i told him that we should hold off so that way the physical part doesnt come in the way of him developing feelings for me. he told me that wouldnt be the case and that being physical actually helps him get closer in developing feelings.

 

so my question is this...i know for us woman, being physical does help us get closer, but is it also true for men? or is he just trying to smooth talk me in a subtle way to get me to be physical sooner?

[Izzy B]

I think you should hold off on the serious talks about feelings. This is showing you are needy and he will not commit.

Do not sleep with him until you are completely comfortable and no, it is not a good time to sleep with him yet since he is not really committed yet. Sleeping with him will not advance the relationship to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage.

Since you are asking this question, that is a good sign that you should not sleep with him yet. things are not solid enough in the relationship for you to be sleeping with him yet, unless it won't bother you if he ditches and freaks out after he sleeps with you.

He couldn't even give you a straight answer as to if he had feelings for you, so that is a definite sign to NOT be intimate with him yet. Sleeping with him is not going to make him develop sudden feelings for you he didn't have before, contrary to what this guy says.

If he has honest intentions, he will not mind no matter if you wait another month or two to be intimate with him. There's no rush.

[VirtualInsanity]

so my question is this...i know for us woman, being physical does help us get closer, but is it also true for men? or is he just trying to smooth talk me in a subtle way to get me to be physical sooner?

 

That's the question isn't it? Is he lying, being honest or both?

 

Since your not sleeping w/ him & he's seeing others, he's probably getting it from them. But only if he's like that.

 

Sleeping with him will not advance the relationship to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage.

 

Nor will it make him committ.

 

If he has honest intentions, he will not mind no matter if you wait another month or two to be intimate with him. There's no rush.

 

So true.

[birdie]

I'm not sure whether I agree with the posts above. I think people are different and you have to look after yourself, you are the only person that knows how close YOU would get to this guy if you started sleeping together.

 

In my experience the sort of intimacy that sex can bring always brought me closer to the people I dated. Of course other factors had to be right as well but I can't imagine getting as close to them as I did without sex

[Lizzie60]

so my question is this...i know for us woman, being physical does help us get closer, but is it also true for men? or is he just trying to smooth talk me in a subtle way to get me to be physical sooner?

 

Hard to say... I guess men are just like women, in most cases...

 

he could be honest in saying he might get closer or he might just smooth talk you into sex...

 

both scenarios are quite probable... so go with your gut feelings.

[uniqueone]

I would say "no" to follow as a general rule. In other words, assume they won't.

 

Think about it.....how many women meet a guy in a bar..a club...wherever....they have great chemistry.....it leads to sex that night.....and then she never hears from him again.

 

Now....how many times have you heard a GUY say: "I had sex with this woman I met last night and now she just disappeared!"

 

The guys aren't saying that. Chances are, they're thinking "Hey, I got sex!"

They're not thinking "Boy....what I really wanted was a relationship with her."

 

Don't let him convince you that being physical will make him develop feelings for you.

 

And you definately want to stop asking him if he has feelings for you. As much as you want to know, you just can't ask this because it'll push them away.

 

On the OTHER hand, is he doing something that's causing you to ask that question? For instance, if he talks about wanting to get physical, that might lead you to asking that question.

 

Is there something in his behavior that's making you have doubts about him? The reason I ask this is because in the past, I'd asked men those questions about feelings. But looking back, there were things that were red flags popping up in front of me that part of me could see but part of me didn't want to see....and that led me to asking them the questions.

[birdie]

agree with the point about not asking questions about emotions, it's way too early.

 

not sure I agree with the comments about sex though. in my experience a guy either finds you interesting enough to want to keep seeing you or he doesn't. whether you sleep with him the first time you meet him or often doesn't come into it. it is about whether you can hold his attention beyond that.

[uniqueone]

agree with the point about not asking questions about emotions, it's way too early.

 

not sure I agree with the comments about sex though. in my experience a guy either finds you interesting enough to want to keep seeing you or he doesn't. whether you sleep with him the first time you meet him or often doesn't come into it. it is about whether you can hold his attention beyond that.

 

 

They have to call you for you to hold their attention...and many guys don't call afterwards.

[JCD]

I'm a guy and for me I'm head over heals for a girl before I think about physical with her. So physical would be just an icing on the cake so to speak. I think you should not be physical with him until he falls in love with you.

[woodsfield]

i get more emotionally attached to a female after sex, but who wouldn't if there is more than phyical attraction. it definetly brings you or anyone closer.

 

however, i have sometimes been around a girl that all i thought about was banging her and would say anything to "get it".

 

the guy sounds like he's being honest but i know men that have said all kinds of things to get what they want. you just need to do what you think is right.

[uniqueone]

He's told you that he'd eventually want a relationship. When he asks you about getting physical, say "eventually".

 

The problem here is that we're most likely not going to get guys posting who are going to say that it doesn't make them closer. In fact, those ones probably don't even read things like LS.

[fray718]

He's told you that he'd eventually want a relationship. When he asks you about getting physical, say "eventually".

I agree! Don't give when you don't receive what you want in return. It's not bout games, it's bout protecting your dignity and self-respect as a woman. Why give yourself away to someone you aren't even sure recriprocates your feelings?