Odd or not? 36-year old guy goes on 4-day camping trip with 31-year-old sister....

[Izzy B]

just the two of them. Also they take a summerly "sibling vacation trip" together, in addition to the camping trip, sharing a hotel room.

More info: this guy has never had a girlfriend and has never dated. Also, the sister is still obsessed over an exboyfriend who dumped her 5 years ago and she has not dated since because she has not gotten over the breakup yet. Her brother says she just needs more time. Ummm....

Don't judge me for asking the question, I was just wondering if this was odd.

[IpAncA]

No not really. Unless their seeing each other. Then we can upgrade odd to .

 

Me and my brother are very close that I'd do anything he asks. He's the one I can depend on no matter what and share that sib. love. We have a bond I can't explain. We call each other all the time just to chat and make each other laugh. Use to do things together when we lived close.

 

I guess I don't see why is that odd?

[Izzy B]

No not really. Unless their seeing each other. Then we can upgrade odd to .

 

Me and my brother are very close that I'd do anything he asks. He's the one I can depend on no matter what and share that sib. love. We have a bond I can't explain. We call each other all the time just to chat and make each other laugh. Use to do things together when we lived close.

 

I guess I don't see why is that odd?

 

I guess the sharing the hotel room thing is kinda odd. But I just wanted to see if it really was. I am very close to my sister and I understand that.

[LakesideDream]

Odd? No. They are brother and sis. There is a bond there that is forever.

 

Unless you have some compelling reason to believe that there is something more than a sibling relationship, then your question is odd.

[jerbear]

Not odd.

 

They are both siblings and sharing a hotel room with two beds really is not a problem. Two sisters, two brothers, two siblings, two family members, sharing the same room really isn't a problem.

 

If you are talking about a Greek tragedy or Roman play or something else, then yes it could be odd.

[VirtualInsanity]

I guess the sharing the hotel room thing is kinda odd.

 

No it's not odd if sleeping in separate beds. Saves money & the logical thing to do. Unless each is planning on having sex. Then separate rooms is in order.

[Izzy B]

Odd? No. They are brother and sis. There is a bond there that is forever.

 

Unless you have some compelling reason to believe that there is something more than a sibling relationship, then your question is odd.

 

That is very rude of you to say my question is odd. I simply haven't dated a guy who went on camping trips alone with their sister for several days.

You are very rude and close-minded, and on a board like this where people post questions asking for answers, it is very inappropriate and rude of you to state that my question is odd, simply because I have not seen this kind of behavior before. You should be making this a place where people feel free to ask questions instead of blasting them for asking it.

Also, I wasn't really wondering about incest, I was just wondering if maybe he was too close to his sister, in that it might be the same as a Mama's Boy situation...he talks a lot about her, in fact goes on and on and brags about her, and she really isn't all that impressive of a person. She sounds kinda weird, actually, especially the obsessing over the ex who dumped her five years ago. He talks about her as if I personally should be really impressed with her or something, and he has told me nothing about her that is really that impressive. I have a higher degree than she does and make more money than she, work in a more impressive field than she, and went to a better college than she for the major we had as undergrads (we both were the same major in college.) He talks about her as if she is someone I should emulate...ummm, unless I want a worse job, sit home depressed over a guy who dumped me 5 years ago and refusing to date because of him, and make less money and have less friends, then I should try to emulate her. Oh, and I saw her picture and I am a lot prettier than she is, also.

THat was the issue, it does seem like he is a "sister's" boy instead of a "mama's" boy.

[Lyssa]

I don't see anything odd about it. Maybe it's something like a 'twin' thing. Are they the only siblings in the family? If so, then it explains why they are super-close.

 

I'm very close to my brothers and we all hang out together. Sometimes all four of us or just me and either one of them.

 

I would do anything for them and if one of them wanted to take me somewhere just to chill, I wouldn't mind. That happened quite often before they all got married! Now we hang out with their wives together etc.

[Lilysavage]

That is very rude of you to say my question is odd. I simply haven't dated a guy who went on camping trips alone with their sister for several days.

You are very rude and close-minded, and on a board like this where people post questions asking for answers, it is very inappropriate and rude of you to state that my question is odd, simply because I have not seen this kind of behavior before. You should be making this a place where people feel free to ask questions instead of blasting them for asking it.

Also, I wasn't really wondering about incest, I was just wondering if maybe he was too close to his sister, in that it might be the same as a Mama's Boy situation...he talks a lot about her, in fact goes on and on and brags about her, and she really isn't all that impressive of a person. She sounds kinda weird, actually, especially the obsessing over the ex who dumped her five years ago. He talks about her as if I personally should be really impressed with her or something, and he has told me nothing about her that is really that impressive. I have a higher degree than she does and make more money than she, work in a more impressive field than she, and went to a better college than she for the major we had as undergrads (we both were the same major in college.) He talks about her as if she is someone I should emulate...ummm, unless I want a worse job, sit home depressed over a guy who dumped me 5 years ago and refusing to date because of him, and make less money and have less friends, then I should try to emulate her. Oh, and I saw her picture and I am a lot prettier than she is, also.

THat was the issue, it does seem like he is a "sister's" boy instead of a "mama's" boy.

 

I think it's a shame at some people's reaction to your reaction. and maybe if they read the fuller picture they'll get where you are coming from.

 

Ref the sibling thing, no it's not odd, but your concerns over is he a moma's boy, and it extends to sibling as well, yes I get that...

 

I was married to a guy who had 1 sister and 5 brothers, and they all lived at home until they married. nothing wrong with that, at all. It was very daunting entering a family of such a size and such closeness, but thankfully they accepted me.

 

I am a bit concerned that you have set yourself up as a rival to his sister though. higher degree, prettier etc, if he gets a whiff of this or she does... bye. sadly. If I were you I'd suggest meeting her, and allowing for the fact you may get on. And you don't know how he is describing you to her. i.e... I've met this great person she is this she is that.. I really like her, you'll have to meet her... etc...

 

 

He may also feel 'safe' with family or friends, and whilst you and he are starting out, any new feelings he may have or fears etc, he can go to family and not necessarily talk about them, but just mull things over. This is also fine, as long as he doesn't use family as a barracade to having a relationship.

 

Take care and at least they replied to your post.. mine remains ignored.. I guess it takes time to fit in anywhere..

[Art_Critic]

I guess the sharing the hotel room thing is kinda odd. But I just wanted to see if it really was. I am very close to my sister and I understand that.

 

I don't think it is inappropriate..as siblings they most likely feel comfortable as they grew up together but I do feel it is a bit odd..

 

I have 4 sisters and a brother and I would never think about sharing a double bed hotel room with any of my sisters..

I'm respectful of their privacy..

 

Now my brother.. I have shared a hotel room before with him while traveling on business.. We did it to save money..

[lindya]

I was just wondering if maybe he was too close to his sister, in that it might be the same as a Mama's Boy situation...he talks a lot about her, in fact goes on and on and brags about her, and she really isn't all that impressive of a person. She sounds kinda weird, actually, especially the obsessing over the ex who dumped her five years ago. He talks about her as if I personally should be really impressed with her or something, and he has told me nothing about her that is really that impressive. I have a higher degree than she does and make more money than she, work in a more impressive field than she, and went to a better college than she for the major we had as undergrads (we both were the same major in college.) He talks about her as if she is someone I should emulate...ummm, unless I want a worse job, sit home depressed over a guy who dumped me 5 years ago and refusing to date because of him, and make less money and have less friends, then I should try to emulate her. Oh, and I saw her picture and I am a lot prettier than she is, also.

THat was the issue, it does seem like he is a "sister's" boy instead of a "mama's" boy.

 

You aren't too keen on her, are you?

 

It could be that if things haven't gone too well for her in the past while, her brother is being protective and supportive towards her. Maybe a little too much for her own good? Who knows? If he picks up the way you feel about her, it'll probably just make him more protective.

 

I get on well with my brother, but I'd only see myself going on holiday with him if it was a group/family thing. Still, some siblings are closer than others. I know that he'll sometimes say good things about me to friends/his wife - and likewise I often have good things to say about him to other people. That's not about saying "hey - I think my sibling is superior to you in all sorts of ways..." It's just about being taking a bit of pride in someone you love.

 

He will probably have lots of good things to say about you to his sister. Provided, that is, that you don't get so caught up in despising her and making unfavourable comparisons betwen the two of you that he starts to perceive you as a bit spiteful and self-congratulating.

[Trimmer]

More info: this guy has never had a girlfriend and has never dated.

Izzy - he's 36 and has never had a girlfriend, and you are the first woman he has dated in his life? Help us understand him a little better - what has he been doing for the last 20 years, and why has he decided to start dating now, with you?

 

If he hasn't even dated for all of his adult life, he may well not have a very well-established model of adult relationships, which may be something that is feeding into the uncertainty you feel about how he treats you.

 

Where has your disdain for her come from? It comes through very clearly in your comments:

...she really isn't all that impressive of a person. She sounds kinda weird, actually, especially the obsessing over the ex who dumped her five years ago. He talks about her as if I personally should be really impressed with her or something, and he has told me nothing about her that is really that impressive. I have a higher degree than she does and make more money than she, work in a more impressive field than she, and went to a better college than she for the major we had as undergrads (we both were the same major in college.) He talks about her as if she is someone I should emulate...ummm, unless I want a worse job, sit home depressed over a guy who dumped me 5 years ago and refusing to date because of him, and make less money and have less friends, then I should try to emulate her. Oh, and I saw her picture and I am a lot prettier than she is, also.

You say you "saw her picture." Does this mean that you have never even met her in person? How, then, could you have formed such a negative attitude about her? You sound very threatened by her; you are working very hard to convince us (and yourself, probably?) that you are superior to her in education, career, looks, "impressiveness"... Who, really, are you trying to impress?

 

Do you feel you are in competition with her for his attention and/or affection?

[Izzy B]

Hi everyone, thanks for your thoughtful responses since I signed off. I guess my concern is that 1. he has never had a girlfriend. he told me this. he is 36 years old. Also we have spent a lot of time together, he is calling me quite a bit and wants to get together, but when we do, he is always talking about his sister. I have nothing against her, it just gets old. He also talks about his best friend in CA a lot. This is fine, but it gets old when someone goes on and on about these people when you haven't met them. I mean everytime I bring something up, it ALWAYS goes back to his sister and his best friend. I am pretty new to the city and I said "I really like "such and such" coffee place." He then says "My friend Ken prefers this place because...." or "My sister does not care for that wine. (which I happen to like a lot. he said it in the tone as if "well if she says she doesn't like it, it is not good wine" I hate to say it but from several comments he's made about her wine knowledge, she knows absolutely nothing about wine, just thinks she does (I do, particularly Oregon wine.) "Oh yes, my sister has been to Paris, also." I mean EVERYTIME I talk about something, they are brought into it and he shifts the conversation to them. Gets old. I understand close bonds with siblings and friends as I have close bonds with siblings and friends, but I don't always have to talk about them no matter what.

I do not feel threatened whatsoever by his sister, I just get tired of the conversations always going back to her (or his best friend) no matter what. Kind of odd for a 36-year-old man, don't you think?

I am avoiding his calls. I can completely understand why he hasn't had a girlfriend and I highly suggest he is the 36-year-old virgin.

[whichwayisup]

She sounds kinda weird, actually, especially the obsessing over the ex who dumped her five years ago. He talks about her as if I personally should be really impressed with her or something, and he has told me nothing about her that is really that impressive. I have a higher degree than she does and make more money than she, work in a more impressive field than she, and went to a better college than she for the major we had as undergrads (we both were the same major in college.)

 

Wow, and this isn't judgemental? It sounds like you think you're a better, smarter more together person than she is.

 

Oh, and I saw her picture and I am a lot prettier than she is, also.

 

And? So what if you're better looking than her. I don't understand why you've shared this bit of info here.

 

do not feel threatened whatsoever by his sister

 

Ofcourse you don't, from what you've said it sounds like you don't want to get to know her, let alone hear about her.

[whichwayisup]

I am avoiding his calls. I can completely understand why he hasn't had a girlfriend and I highly suggest he is the 36-year-old virgin.

 

Why avoid his calls? Don't play games with him. If you don't like what he talks about, and you aren't into him, just end it and move on.

[IpAncA]

I was just wondering if maybe he was too close to his sister, in that it might be the same as a Mama's Boy situation...he talks a lot about her, in fact goes on and on and brags about her, and she really isn't all that impressive of a person. She sounds kinda weird, actually, especially the obsessing over the ex who dumped her five years ago. He talks about her as if I personally should be really impressed with her or something, and he has told me nothing about her that is really that impressive. I have a higher degree than she does and make more money than she, work in a more impressive field than she, and went to a better college than she for the major we had as undergrads (we both were the same major in college.) He talks about her as if she is someone I should emulate...ummm, unless I want a worse job, sit home depressed over a guy who dumped me 5 years ago and refusing to date because of him, and make less money and have less friends, then I should try to emulate her. Oh, and I saw her picture and I am a lot prettier than she is, also.

THat was the issue, it does seem like he is a "sister's" boy instead of a "mama's" boy.

 

A "mama's" boy because he's close to his sister? Huh? I'm close to my brother and trust me, he's no mama's boy. My parents and him don't have a close bond like I do with them.

 

So what if she isn't that impressive as he makes her out to be. She's impressive to him. Izzy your making her out to be like some form of trash. Please don't assume your better than her because that's how you coming across to me. I think highly of mine and to other's he's not much. I see more in him then people give him credit for and I'm always defending him when my parents (dad) vents about him. Shoot I may start a vent about that cause I'm tired of it.

 

I actually was thinking about this late last night and couldn't find any infomation on sib. relationships worth reading. I can't even explain mine yet I feel the bond. Werid.

 

I can understand that you don't want to hear about her all the time. I talk about mine a lot but I know when enough is enough.

 

Btw your not jealous of their bond are you?

[Reckless]

I'm close to my brother and we've been on holiday together many times.

 

But the never having a girlfriend/she's taking 5 years to get over her exthing could be...

 

People do tend to substitute (not of course in a sexual way...) but sometimes the correct balance can be lost leaving no room (or compelling desire) to get out there and risk it all ...

 

It's all about balance and having a healthy non (co)dependent relationship but that one cannot tell from holiday arrangements.

[Poboy]

i went backpacking for a month to couple of cities with my sister who is 5 years elder to me and married with kids. we always shared a room cause we are family , close and it didnt matter if we sleep in the same room / seperate rooms / same bed / different beds.

we decided to stay in one room to save on the expenses... thats usually the case.

[Izzy B]

Why avoid his calls? Don't play games with him. If you don't like what he talks about, and you aren't into him, just end it and move on.

 

Umm, that is the point. The point of me saying all that stuff is that he goes on and on about her and she's not even that impressive. I mean, between her and his best friend, that are seriously the only two things he talks about. And they don't even sound like that impressive of people in any way, shape, or form, that was my point. Not lookswise, intelligence wise, etc., yet his world seems to revolve around them to the point he doesn't talk about anything else. Weird? I think so, but you be the judge.

[Izzy B]

A "mama's" boy because he's close to his sister? Huh? I'm close to my brother and trust me, he's no mama's boy. My parents and him don't have a close bond like I do with them.

 

So what if she isn't that impressive as he makes her out to be. She's impressive to him. Izzy your making her out to be like some form of trash. Please don't assume your better than her because that's how you coming across to me. I think highly of mine and to other's he's not much. I see more in him then people give him credit for and I'm always defending him when my parents (dad) vents about him. Shoot I may start a vent about that cause I'm tired of it.

 

I actually was thinking about this late last night and couldn't find any infomation on sib. relationships worth reading. I can't even explain mine yet I feel the bond. Werid.

 

I can understand that you don't want to hear about her all the time. I talk about mine a lot but I know when enough is enough.

 

Btw your not jealous of their bond are you?

 

Umm,no, not jealous of their bond at all, just glad I have enough depth to talk about more than just my sister 24/7, and I actually am very, very close to my sister yet I don't talk about her 24/7. That is what's odd, I have a closer bond to my sister than anyone, we are true soulmates, yet I don't talk about her 24/7.

[Izzy B]

You aren't too keen on her, are you?

 

It could be that if things haven't gone too well for her in the past while, her brother is being protective and supportive towards her. Maybe a little too much for her own good? Who knows? If he picks up the way you feel about her, it'll probably just make him more protective.

 

I get on well with my brother, but I'd only see myself going on holiday with him if it was a group/family thing. Still, some siblings are closer than others. I know that he'll sometimes say good things about me to friends/his wife - and likewise I often have good things to say about him to other people. That's not about saying "hey - I think my sibling is superior to you in all sorts of ways..." It's just about being taking a bit of pride in someone you love.

 

He will probably have lots of good things to say about you to his sister. Provided, that is, that you don't get so caught up in despising her and making unfavourable comparisons betwen the two of you that he starts to perceive you as a bit spiteful and self-congratulating.

 

No, he's not picking anything about that I don't like her. for one, I am very polite and listen when he goes on (and on and on and on) about her, and I even respond to the conversation without bringing up other people and switching the conversation back to people I know. It has nothing to do with not liking her, it's just that I don't know why every conversation we have always goes back to her, or his best friend. She lives 3 hours away. It takes a lot for me to not like a person, so of course I don't dislike her or feel jealous, I actually feel kind of badly for the both of them, with her still being obsessed with an exboyfriend who dumped her 5 years ago and him not having any apparent depth to his life other than his sister and his best friend to talk about.

He is constantly calling me, has called me twice today, but I know if I go out with him today, I will be having to hear only about his sister the whole time and I've already heard enough about her, let's talk about something else, LOL.

[amber1]

You are obviously jealous or feel threatened by her or you wouldn't bring it up here. Don't worry about her, after all, she is just his sister, not another girl he is dating. If you don't like him talking about her then you need to find someone who either doesn't have siblings or doesn't talk about them.

 

The only thing that I find really odd about your initial post is the fact that he is 36 and never dated anyone. That would be the real issue I would be trying to analyze.

[whichwayisup]

Umm, that is the point. The point of me saying all that stuff is that he goes on and on about her and she's not even that impressive. I mean, between her and his best friend, that are seriously the only two things he talks about. And they don't even sound like that impressive of people in any way, shape, or form, that was my point. Not lookswise, intelligence wise, etc., yet his world seems to revolve around them to the point he doesn't talk about anything else. Weird? I think so, but you be the judge.

 

Then break up with him. It seems you don't like his BF and his sis, nor do you want to hear about them.

 

Not lookswise, intelligence wise

 

Then why did you add that bit of info in??? Just is odd, that's all.

 

Either way, instead of ignoring his calls, get together with him and end it.

[Trimmer]

Izzy:

 

Are there any positives? What is is about him that attracts you, makes you enjoy dating him?