niceandslow Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 A few months ago, my friend and I started going to a local restaurant about once a week when I began to notice the bartender. One time there I decided to leave him my number because I thought it couldn't hurt. Well, two months later we are still dating. This guy is truly amazing, and I really like him a lot. There is just a small concern about where the relationship is heading. I am 22 and 4 weeks from graduating from college. The guy I have been seeing is 39 with a daughter. With me graduating soon, I have been looking for a full-time job in the area, but other areas too since I only came to this city for college. I am really confused about what to do. I want to find a great job, but I don't want to lose this guy not have any regrets. Is it worth the risk of staying in a city for just a guy? I know I am still young, but I don't want to look back in 5 years and regret any decision I made. What should I do? Should I talk to him about how I feel? I want to, but I am scared it might be a little too serious too soon. Please help...ahhhhhhh.... Link to post Share on other sites
Turquoise Waters Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 No. You have everything ahead of you. He's a 39-year old man who serves drinks for a living. You can do better. Don't sell yourself short. At his age, even if you do get married, he probably will not want to have anymore children. So...forget him and find a guy who is in the same place as you....educated, with the whole world in front of him, and you can start fresh with the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
jcster Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 This is going to sound cold, but I've learned the hard way that you must always put your own needs first. You won't be a good mate to this guy if you abandon your hopes and dreams to stay with him. Eventually, you will grow to resent it. Figure out what you want from life. Then, figure out if he fits into it. Don't do it the other way around - you will regret it for the rest of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
VIP Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 No. You have everything ahead of you. He's a 39-year old man who serves drinks for a living. You can do better. Don't sell yourself short. At his age, even if you do get married, he probably will not want to have anymore children. So...forget him and find a guy who is in the same place as you....educated, with the whole world in front of him, and you can start fresh with the guy. Education doesn't guarantee happinness. What's wrong with serving drinks for a living? It's the kind of person he is, and the way he can love her that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Turquoise Waters Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Education doesn't guarantee happinness. What's wrong with serving drinks for a living? It's the kind of person he is, and the way he can love her that matters. She's a college graduate with a lot going for her. He's a bartender who's a fling. Girl, leave him in the past where he belongs. On top of that, he's too old for her! You're young, get a hotter prospect for longterm. Do NOT figure this guy into your plans. Land a great job and you will forget all about the 39-year-old drink-server. He can get a Wal-mart checkout girl or cocktail waitress at the bar down the street. Link to post Share on other sites
Tyra Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Girl, you have alot going on with your life. You got a B.A, and he's just a bartender. What the hell can he do for you, that you can't do for yourself? You know. So enjoy you life please. He's about to hit 40 years old, and serving drinks.Like you said, five years from now you're going to regret the decision. And congratulations on graduating from college. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 I know I am still young, but I don't want to look back in 5 years and regret any decision I made. There are no guarantees in life and no one on this site can truly understand your feelings for your b/f. If you leave him, you might regret it 5 years later and if you stay, you might also have regrets. If you do have concerns about settling down, which you appear to have, you do need to get some other experiences under your belt in order to really appreciate a committed relationship. Staying in a relationship where you feel tied down is not a good way to start your life. Go out and have some fun first. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Is it worth the risk of staying in a city for just a guy? I know I am still young, but I don't want to look back in 5 years and regret any decision I made. No it's not... You have to put yourself first, your education is the most important thing for you right now... Plus, how far is that city where you'll work? If he really loves you, he will understand... What should I do? Get your education, go for your career... Should I talk to him about how I feel? I want to, but I am scared it might be a little too serious too soon. Huh? This seems serious but only from your side, from what I read, and it is way too soon to abandon your dreams girl... Never mind this guy, first...he's way too old for you... for one...and I would be my life that you won't spend the rest of your life with this guy... When we're young... we sometimes make enormous mistakes in the name of love... trust me on that one... Your education first! Link to post Share on other sites
VIP Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 You got a B.A, and he's just a bartender. What the hell can he do for you, that you can't do for yourself? May be to make her happy? Money doesn't make people happy, neither does education. A good person is hard to find, so don't judge a book by its cover. Link to post Share on other sites
Tyra Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 May be to make her happy? Money doesn't make people happy, neither does education. A good person is hard to find, so don't judge a book by its cover. You're right. Money doesn't make some people happy. But stability does. Link to post Share on other sites
Turquoise Waters Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Also maybe he is not serious about the relationship as he realizes she is way younger and is looking for jobs. I think he has to be the one to propose a serious relationship. But...seriously, OP, you can do better. You made the first move so you don't really know how serious he is about you. Link to post Share on other sites
VIP Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 And who is to say, that he is not stable? Link to post Share on other sites
Tyra Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 And who is to say, that he is not stable? He wouldn't be more stable then her.I mean come on, she has a B.A. He couldn't never possibly bring more in the relationship then her. She can be able to buy him out of a job. You must be a bartender who was dealing with one, cause you're getting a little fiesty. Link to post Share on other sites
VIP Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 He wouldn't be more stable then her.I mean come on, she has a B.A. He couldn't never possibly bring more in the relationship then her. I have a B.A. and I don't judge people by the work they do. I know a bartender, who is a very decent and loving guy, a good husband and father. I also know a lawyer, with two University degrees, who has been cheating on his wife with both women and men throughout his life and finally abandoned her when she became older. So how does education make people more stable? Link to post Share on other sites
Tyra Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 He wouldn't be more stable then her.I mean come on, she has a B.A. He couldn't never possibly bring more in the relationship then her. I have a B.A. and I don't judge people by the work they do. I know a bartender, who is a very decent and loving guy, a good husband and father. I also know a lawyer, with two University degrees, who has been cheating on his wife with both women and men throughout his life and finally abandoned her when she became older. So how does education make people more stable? Well, with me having B.A, i know that it makes me stable. I can get this and that.You don't have to depend on anyone to make sacrificies for your own needs. Im not saying Im judging the guy, but for her to be young and has alot more going for herself, than a 40 year old man, she shouldn't have to stop her life for him and move and all this other stuff. I agree people with ph.d and this and that does cheat,everyone does. And its definetly nice guys in this world who have profession that are family men. So, but to you VIP, I don't have nothing but love for you, ok. Relax Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 You should definitely consider the children thing...it's not likely that he will ever want more...unless you know for sure already that he does...it may not be a concern to you yet, but it will when your a little older. If you end staying in that city, you could still date him and have fun, whatever...but if you move away, call it quits. Do not stay there just for him. It would probably help to talk to him about it, but it won't change the facts. Someone said you can do better because he's a 39 year-old bartender, but I personally find that to be sord of a judgemental statement to make about any man or woman of any age, because 1st you don't know what else he might do or plan on doing with his life, nor does it represent what kind of person he is, as far as a boyfriend or anything else...I've learned that even if I married a Dr., it just seems that you can always find a reason to think "you could do better", weather it's referring to their career or how they treat you, etc...Unless we're talking about a 35 yr. old still flipping burgers, I don't discriminate much, long as the guy appears to hold a steady job....and I know bartenders that Bank more than I've ever been able to with a B.S. Degree in Health Management... Link to post Share on other sites
Author niceandslow Posted July 20, 2007 Author Share Posted July 20, 2007 Thanks guys for all the great insightful advice. Just to let you know about him being a bartender, he had a job for about 15 years and hated it. So he decided to go back to school to become a lawyer. He works as a bartender in the meantime while he is finishing up school. So it isn't all that bad... Link to post Share on other sites
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