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He is hung up


lady_gone

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Hi Everybody,

 

I am looking for some non bias advice. Basically I met this guy few weeks ago we went to college together. I added him on myspace after graduation, just to keep in touch with people that I knew I probably would never see again. Anyways, we ended up talking and eventually going out to grab a cup of coffee one night. We immediately hit it off.We have a lot of things in common and we seemed to be attracted to eachother - but since this was the first meeting, nothing really happened than the basic "getting to know eachother". We ended up hanging out soon after that (just after july 4th). We pretty much spent the whole day together, did the beach, movies, food, my place etc... We did everything. He pretty much paid for everything from the start, I offered to treat with food once but everything else was on him.He even suprised me with going to a park to fly kites (coz i never did that) and there we just relaxed and layed out on the grass. Once again, we ended up finding out even more stuff we shared, common interests, jokes etc...It got intense the amount of stuff we "clicked" on - and I am not talking about general likings...i am talking about specific details, stuff that is not common. He repeated several times in more of a "realization-serious tone" how I am cool. (nerd).anyways,

I was being very flirty and friendly (touchy) at the same time and he didn't seem to mind. In the movies I made the first move by grabbing his hand, and he also seemed fine with that in fact he felt comfortable because he would grab it back when i pulled away or whatnot. After the movies we went to my place just to hang out (my roomate was present in the next room so it wasnt for a booty call) and there he made the move of kissing me after we just watched some stupid stuff on my comp for a bit. Everything went accordingly... I eventually stopped him and I walked him to his car. Once again in front of the car there was no akwardness, you know, as planned.

Fastforward a day after. I get a txt saying that its better off to be friends, because he feels we would be amazing friends bla bla bull****. Of course I was majorly pissed because it came out of nowhere. I mean I know what hookups are and how they usually end and whatnot. It just didnt make any sense. I called up kept my cool told him I find it all too funny and how it makes no sense. He seemed scared ****less on the phone, gave me stupid excuses about careers etc...still made no sense. I calmed down for two hours and asked him through txt to give me the truth, because it seriously make no sense - at all. Well basically he finally told me that he has been trying to get back with his ex that he is crazy about or whatever and that she finally started responding. I am assuming she responded that day. Once again he was like we would be awesome friends that I am cool and all bla bla and that he didn't want to share his romantic troubles with me since we just started hanging out and such...I told him there is a reason for a saying "never look back" and that i am sad he missed out on the good opportunity, hope he doesnt regret it.

So I gave myself 2 days to cooloff. I was really upset because this guy and I are on the same frequency...even if its just as friends. Like its pissing me off how well we matched up, and there was def interest from boths sides. I decided to extend the olive branch and patch things up offering my friendship - but u know how that goes, u say u r friends and never talk to eachother again to avoid the akwardness(i had similar situations with guys). Well he immediately offered to hang out, apologized many times, and we picked out a day to go out. We even spoke and joked about the makeout and whatnot and other things. I have no idea about his ex and I really don't want to know, but I know I like him.And he knows I like him as well - obviously. Now, my question is. What am I to do? I don't want to get rid of him, because I never met anybody like him - at all(thats why I am torn about it), but I know he is hungup on this ex, and I understand he wants friendship. Is it worth sticking around and giving it more time, or what?Also, him knowing that I like him - why doesnt it turn him away from hanging out with me? I just dont get this whole thing whatsoever. I understand it to some extent, but there was def chemistry there that is still in play, but with this ex girl thing it really bursts my bubble...

anyways, sorry for the long post (there is more to it-this is just general) - thanx for ur help :)

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Ok, he still loves his ex, but he likes you. Guys can still hang out with other women..because to some degree that find most women attractive.... even if they are in love with someone else.

 

Either that, or he is definitely about the BOOTY, and you didn't give him any so he felt no need to hang out with you.

 

If you really feel like there is chemistry there, then I suggest staying friends with him..but...do not... make him strictly the only guy you see. Date around, you guys are still young, and he is probably playing the field. When guys don't make sense this is usually what they are doing ;)

 

He's in his 20's, expect that :)..very few exceptions to this rule ;)

 

Oh and as crazy as this sounds...alot of guys don't feel the emotional connection that we feel..even though it seems they are feeling what we are feeling when being close to them.

 

It's more of a sexual connection for them, and then it can possibly turn into love later.

 

Tons of studies on this ;) Look it up

 

Guys are totally different tards! j/k fella's ;)

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It sucks to like someone when you know that their eyes are not only on you. Nothing wrong with being friends, it sounds like he knows better than to make any moves on you while pursuing his Ex...but he likes you. Don't take this wrong, but you are the "back-up" girl...not because anything about you is less to him than his Ex...but because you are newer than his Ex. Part of him wants to move forward with you, but he probably wants to see what happens with his Ex first.

 

If I were you, I would just try not to spend too much time with him, and keep contact on the light side. Since you are just friends, make it a point to ask him how things are going with the Ex sometimes. You might not want to know...but you should keep aware of where he stands with her, in order to know where you are in the game. If she backs off on him, he might start putting moves on you again, which is potential to hurt your feelings once more...you never know if the Ex fades in and fades out on him. In turn, he could end up doing the same to you. You can be his friend but don't let him explore more with you, until the Ex is ever really out of his life for real. Dont let him make you feel like "rebound" either...

 

You also have the choice to tell him that you do not want to be friends as long as he is pursuing someone else, cuz this could cause your like for him to grow while he's hooked on someone else in the mean time -- unfair to you! You could say that if he and his Ex don't work out, you'd be glad to start as "friends" again later.

 

good luck!

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Hi ladies,

I am totally agreeing with your responses. Here is an update. Last night he came over to hang out and once again we were extremely friendly, clicked, he wanted to know stuff about me and vice versa. Of course I was still a bit confused about it all - I mean he drives in over 40 min to see me everytime,so I wanted to kinda prove to myself that it wasn't a one night thing (I knoow I knooow).It became more about winning at the moment. And I was just being myself, he wasn't making any advances, several times we would be locked up in a look and then snap out of it quick - the usual stuff. Then I pinched his neck before reaching my house, out of a joke and he suggested a massage (I call this the devils tool :))) ). I was like yea, once we get home sure...of course I figured he won't even go into it, because massages are a dangerous zone for anyone. Anyways, like 10 minutes in at home, he reminds me and I of course totally took advantage of it to prove my point of some attraction being existent. Sure enough, the shirt went off and we were just hanging out and talking about everything and it was really sensual. It got more heavy towards the end (nothing happened like sex for example) but I def turned him on and we were touchy and somewhat making out.He was pretty distant on that,like he was holding himself back, but then he would make advances by grabbing me etc...(not to get into it, standard play stuff -nothing obsene). While this was going on (he was at my place till 7 am) we would talk about everything, and he would want to know more and more about me, talk about his own issues etc...I reminded him of one of his exes (didnt like that),and few other people...which I found a bit offputting but he claimed he meant it in a positive way, as in positive traits of those people or just looks. He wanted to know about my ex relationships, etc... Basically the whole night was as weird as it gets. it was packed with "disclaimers" like I dont want to get you mad, you know how it goes, bla bla. anyways,he left just before 7 am, and it ended up on a friendly note.He felt that I was angry but I was just tired. He seemed very...i dunno.... concerned and ok with everything, gave me a hug, and like we were supposed to hang today as well but he was to tired which i expected so it wasnt really newsworthy.I dunno. I am having mixed feelings about it because I do like him a lot, and I got my closure to one extent - so I feel calm. I just dont know whats the point of all this, when this clearly proved we will not be able to be friends in the "classical" way. hahaha

Also since we are both musical people (he is in a band and I sing) he always wants to hear my music and stuff.He knew I wrote some stuff regarding last few days and he was determined to listen to it. So today I sent him the newest track that was pretty much as honest as it gets - upbeat and fun, poking fun at our situation but still being harsh and upfront.He liked it a lot and def noticed the lyrics and praised me for it. he was def upbeat.I am not making anymore moves- i pretty much put it out there, I'll let him figure his own **** out. He knows where to find me, right?

 

 

Here is the song if u wanna hear.

http://www.jelenavukosav.com/youalreadyknow.mp3

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