And then he dropped the bomb on me....

[EC]

So Im back ... Seems like once you visit LS; though the postings can lessen you can never really leave. Hotel California style lol

 

Anyways..So some of you already know, others don't so I will recap a little.

 

I have been dating my bf for about three years now. The first year our relationship was an LDR. We got through a year, he moved down and swiched schools to make it work and we have been ever since.

 

Now here we are, he is a year from graduating, which he was supposed to graduate college this year but at the last minute decided to milk his parents a bit more and go for his masters. I'm cool with that though whatever.

 

So for his graduation present he dicided to ask his parents to send him to Amsterdam for a few weeks. Our first year together he told me this and said he would love for me to come along if I saved up the money. So I started saving and now..three years later he says he changed his mind.

He says that he wants to go just him and his guy friends who are graduating around the same time and he wants a mini vacation with them.

 

I am floored.. and then on top of that..we are sitting on his couch hanging out when a couple of his friends come over. They are talking when one of them says that hes so jealous that my bf not only gets to go to Amsterdam for a few weeks but that he also gets to go study Spanish ( his native Tongue) in Spain for 6 months.

 

So wtf? When was he planning on telling me?

Then I confront him about everything and he gets angray and tells me he had told me our first year together that he *might* be going to Spain to study and that now its official and that I already knew about Amsterdam.

 

Grrr..I don't know what to do. Im just so angry. I don't know what to do because I KNOW we are not married and that he can do whatever he wants.

But damn why tell me I can go then tell me I cant..then tell me your leaving for 6 months to study and that I have to just deal with it. He says I should be happy he gets a chance to study abroad and that I should be supporting him instead of nagging.

 

I don't want to nag but its really upsetting me that hes going to be away for so long and he doesn't even care, studying in spain Spanish of all things which is his native tongue , that he un-invited me to his amsterdam trip, and that he will be there with all his guy friends doing god knows what. Because we all know you go to Amsterdam with your guy friends for a couple reasons only and not one of them are ok when you have a gf. But he says trust me.

I already tried to have him wear the shoe on the other foot but he says he would be happy for me and not give me strife. That he would wait for me to come back and thats it.!

 

I Love him and don't want to break up with him but this trip is happening and I just don't know how to deal?

 

Any advice right now will be greatly appreciated.

[Pyro]

Let me just say that you have all the right to be mad at him about the Amsterdam trip. He told you one thing and did another. He is in the wrong. He is only saying that he would be ok with it if the roles were reversed because he is justifying his behavior as being alright.

 

Do you remember him telling you about the Spain trip?

[tanbark813]

While he's in Amsterdam go on a trip to Cancun.

[EC]

Let me just say that you have all the right to be mad at him about the Amsterdam trip. He told you one thing and did another. He is in the wrong. He is only saying that he would be ok with it if the roles were reversed because he is justifying his behavior as being alright.

 

Do you remember him telling you about the Spain trip?

 

I honestly don't remember him talking to me about the Spain trip. But he says he did our first year together. Than again I can't even remember what I ate for dinner last night so he already used that against me telling me I probably just don't remember. And I honestly can't. But I think I would remember something like that.

 

I honestly don't want him to think I am holding him back from doing what he wants to do but what gets me angry is that he is the one ANGRY at ME now for getting angry.

 

When I think I have every right to be upset.

 

I told him I didn't think it would be wise to stay together when he leaves on his trip and that maybe upon return we could talk and see what happens.

 

He responded with if your going to leave me then you might as well leave me now because Im not going to delay a heartbreak.

 

So I'm supposed to just accept him leaving for 6 months and for him to enjoy the trip to Amsterdam with his friends that I was supposed to go on with him.,

 

This really hurts.

[EC]

While he's in Amsterdam go on a trip to Cancun.

 

LMAO Where have you been?

 

I thought of that but he's going with all his guy friends..I dont have many female friends, especially ones that I would want to go to cancun with and they all have bfs.

 

I would be stuck going with my mom or something. Def doesn't add up lol

[Pyro]

I honestly don't remember him talking to me about the Spain trip. But he says he did our first year together. Than again I can't even remember what I ate for dinner last night so he already used that against me telling me I probably just don't remember. And I honestly can't. But I think I would remember something like that.

 

I honestly don't want him to think I am holding him back from doing what he wants to do but what gets me angry is that he is the one ANGRY at ME now for getting angry.

 

When I think I have every right to be upset.

 

I told him I didn't think it would be wise to stay together when he leaves on his trip and that maybe upon return we could talk and see what happens.

 

He responded with if your going to leave me then you might as well leave me now because Im not going to delay a heartbreak.

 

So I'm supposed to just accept him leaving for 6 months and for him to enjoy the trip to Amsterdam with his friends that I was supposed to go on with him.,

 

This really hurts.

 

Sounds to me as though he is now trying to give you a guilt trip because I am sure that he knows what he is doing is wrong and manipulative.

 

He could have very well said that in the first year, but going by his attitude about Amsterdam, he could very well be lying.

 

You definitely don't want to get in his way of pursuing something like that(Spain), but if it bothers you, then do what you think is best. He isn't even considering your feelings in this matter. IMO, he is being pretty selfish about it all.

[tanbark813]

LMAO Where have you been?

 

Dude, I'm always here. Where have YOU been?

 

I thought of that but he's going with all his guy friends..I dont have many female friends, especially ones that I would want to go to cancun with and they all have bfs.

 

I would be stuck going with my mom or something. Def doesn't add up lol

 

Hmmm, that's no good. Well, FWIW, I'd be pissed if I were in your shoes.

[melodymatters]

"So Im back ... Seems like once you visit LS; though the postings can lessen you can never really leave. Hotel California style lol "

 

Thats funny and so true !!!

 

Yeah, I think he's being dick on both counts. If I were you and had been saving money for a trip, I would pick someplace besides amsterdamn I wanted to go, and go on my own damn trip. Let HIM worry about you taking up with the cabana boy or whatever.

 

As far as Spain, I don't know If I would sit around waitng for him. I might suggest we date other people ( as he probably will be anyway !)

[Trialbyfire]

Hey, I would thank him for helping you save money then call him on his deceit. He wants unconditional trust but has never given you good reason to trust him. Ridiculous expectations.

 

He's now provided you with a marvelous opportunity to move on. You're gorgeous EC. It's not as if you can't find another partner, one who will be a little more trustworthy and oh so much better for you.

[hotgurl]

I agree with the other posters.

 

It would be one thing if you two had discussed Spian together in more length before him deciding to go.

 

But just to pull it out of the blue and not even talk to you about it!

 

Also the Amersterdam thing is way way crappy. He is being selfish and getting defensive with you because you are calling him on it.

 

I think you would have less of a problem with his studying abroad if he actually discussed it with you.

 

I say just date other people while he is gone. he is not thinking of you at all!

 

haven't you two been together for quite some time?

[Star Gazer]

I guess I'm going to have to play the Devil's Advocate here.

 

I don't blame him for wanting to go to either Amsterdam or Spain without you.

 

If I were in his shoes, I'd want a trip away with my college buddies - and not my BF - too. I did this after college, and it was the best experience ever. That said, I would not want my BF going to Amsterdam (of all places) without me. OMG that is a horndog's heaven.

 

I think that it would be selfish of you to let your feelings interfere with him pursuing his study-abroad trip to Spain. That said, it was a lousy thing for him to do to make that decision without talking to you about it first, and waiting for you to find out the way you did and then basically blowing you off when you got upset about it.

 

Regardless of whether it's in his best interests to go on these excursions without you (which I think it is), it's not in your best interests to wait around for him. Definitely date other people. By the time he gets back to the States, crawling on hands and knees to get you back, you'll have forgotten all about him and moved on with your life.

[EC]

I guess I'm going to have to play the Devil's Advocate here.

 

I don't blame him for wanting to go to either Amsterdam or Spain without you.

 

If I were in his shoes, I'd want a trip away with my college buddies - and not my BF - too. I did this after college, and it was the best experience ever. That said, I would not want my BF going to Amsterdam (of all places) without me. OMG that is a horndog's heaven.

 

I think that it would be selfish of you to let your feelings interfere with him pursuing his study-abroad trip to Spain. That said, it was a lousy thing for him to do to make that decision without talking to you about it first, and waiting for you to find out the way you did and then basically blowing you off when you got upset about it.

 

Regardless of whether it's in his best interests to go on these excursions without you (which I think it is), it's not in your best interests to wait around for him. Definitely date other people. By the time he gets back to the States, crawling on hands and knees to get you back, you'll have forgotten all about him and moved on with your life.

 

 

Hey dont get me wrong I'm all about not interfering and living your life to the fullest. like I said we are not married..BUT we have been together for 3 years. I would have just liked to have found out about the trip to Spain from him and discussed it and not have found out how I did. And then when I brought it up he blows me off. I have absolutely no prob with him going to Spain and studying but damn atleast tell me about it so we can discuss it.

 

And the amsterdam thing was just crappy and he knows he is wrong for it.

 

If he wanted a vacation with his friends he should have never invited me. And if he still wants something like that then he needs to let me go because thats unfaif for me to sit a round and wait while he is partying it up in amsterdam.

[EC]

I really have had it.

 

In the middle of arguing about again..when he called me to tell me some more how angry he was with me for arguing over something so stupid...He finally just yelled out that The only reason I was really so upset was because I was JEALOUS that his parents could afford to send him overseas to study and a trip to amsterdam and mines couldn't!!

 

 

I am appalled. That line spoke to me in so many levels.

[hotgurl]

so I guess the question is now what are you going to do.

[daphne]

EC,

 

I agree whole heartedly with stargazer. I wouldn't hold this guy back from doing what he wants to do, but the way he's gone about both trips is utterly selfish and reprehensible. I would not consider a future with this guy because he has his own interests at heart. The fact that he keeps turning it around on you speaks of how base he is. Only a manipulative liar dicks you around and then makes it your fault.

 

For your own sake, retain your dignity and leave this guy. He's not worth it.

[EC]

Thank you Daphne and others...I have beating around the bush about breaking up with him..mostly because I have been scared to be alone, but after that comment I cant take anymore.

 

That just goes to show what he really thinks of himself in comparison to me. He honestly thinks he is 'up there' and I am below. He actually thinks I would get jealous at the fact that his parents can afford to send him off and mines cannot. Just the fact that he views me this way has really hurt me. The fact he believes I would ever be envious of good things happening to the one I love shows he has no idea what I am about.

 

I think he loves me but the need to be selfish and get things out of his system is too string at this age and he has no clue of reality. He has had mom and dad pay for everything and has never worked. And sadly he probably wont ever have to and so he will never understand and he will never really know what it's like to wear the shoe on the other foot.

 

I think it's best to let him go and continue on my way while he does his thing.

[mental_traveller]

If I had been seeing someone for 3 years and then out of the blue they told me that, I'd consider it the end of the relationship. Someone who cared about you would say they'd been thinking about it and how did you feel about the idea? They'd check with you first, rather than just decide to disappear half way round the world for 6 months. Also, it's clearly more than coincidence he is choosing to go to Amsterdam. As a guy, it just looks like he wants some freedom and to be able to party like he's single without you having any idea what he is up to.

 

IMO you should just end this, it's clear he's not serious about you.

[jcster]

I think he's made his priorities very clear. I personally would not be there when he got back.

[annabelle75]

I know its hard being alone, but this guy is not worth your time or energy. He sounds like a very selfish, pampered little rick kid. I know not all wealthy people are like that but the last remark he made to you just fits the cliche all too well. The fact that he would make such a big decision about going half way around the world for an extended period of time and not even inform his girlfriend of three years of his plans is just ridiculous. It doesn't matter if three years prior he might of brought it up once. There is no excuse for his complete lack of consideration for you. Dump him and find some one worth your effort.

[kymberann]

Oh man! Take his behavior as a sign that he is trying to find a way out. Or trying to make reason for you to find a way out. I'd walk and let him have his fun. If he could do this to you now who knows what he could be capable of if you two had gotten married.

However who knows what can happen once he leaves or when he gets back.

People are quirky!

[Pyro]

I guess I'm going to have to play the Devil's Advocate here.

 

I don't blame him for wanting to go to either Amsterdam or Spain without you.

 

If I were in his shoes, I'd want a trip away with my college buddies - and not my BF - too. I did this after college, and it was the best experience ever. That said, I would not want my BF going to Amsterdam (of all places) without me. OMG that is a horndog's heaven.

 

You don't find it wrong that years before he told her that he wanted her to go with him and to start saving up for it? Now at the last minute he decides that he doesn't want her to go?

 

That is just plain wrong and selfish.

 

I agree that at this point, breaking up with him would be the best thing. I mean its obvious that he doesn't want to spend too much time with her.

[justagirliegirl]

translation of I just want to go to Amsterdam with my guy friends means, I want to get drunk and high and take up with cheap hookers.

 

I think you should break up with him over this. He seems very selfish. Has he ever done a lick of hard work in his life or has someone always paid his way? He seems to think he is entitled.

[allina]

After dating for 3 years a bf leaving the country for half a year is a BIG deal! It's not about not wanting him to pursue his goals but you'd think he'd actively discuss this with you and he didn't even tell you, his friend did! What if his friend hadn't told you? Would he text you one day saying "see you in 6 months"?

 

Nice comment about the family money as well

 

And then he turns things around on you like you're the irrational one. No matter what happens don't let him make you feel like you're in the wrong here.

[allina]

translation of I just want to go to Amsterdam with my guy friends means, I want to get drunk and high and take up with cheap hookers.

 

Hardly! Despite what many American's seem to think not everyone goes to Amsterdam to have sex with hookers. I see nothing wrong with a guy taking a trip with his friends. It's different because in this situation the guy is a jerk but I strongly disagree with the above quote.

[tanbark813]

Hardly! Despite what many American's seem to think not everyone goes to Amsterdam to have sex with hookers.

 

Yeah! Some go solely for the weed.