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He asked me out but isn't following through


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Old 27th May 2007, 7:08 PM   #1
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He asked me out but isn't following through

There has been a flirtation between me and this guy for about six months now, and he's done several things along the way (like giving me flowers) to let me know he's interested.

Finally, about a week ago he suggested very nervously that we "should get a drink sometime." There is an obvious spark between us and he seemed very sincere. I said yes.

But he never followed through on it. Today I saw him (we live in the same buildilng) and he didn't mention it, so I decided to say something since he is incredibly shy. I just said very casually "do you still want to hang out sometime?" and he seemed very lackluster about it and said "sure, sometime. Not today though." He didn't suggest any particular time and I just let it go. I tried not to let it show that I was bothered.

I am completely baffled and upset by his change in behaviour over the course of one week. This has been building for a long time and I felt certain of his interest, so his behavior today really shocked me.

I wish I hadn't brought up getting together, because now I feel stupid. Does anyone have any thoughts on this sudden change in behavior? Or am I just overreacting?
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Old 27th May 2007, 7:29 PM   #2
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Maybe sometime in the future you should bring it up again but give a specific time and date. And if he can't at that time and date and doesn't suggest another one then you'll have your answer. He asked you so he wants to, but if he's shy and was really nervous about it, he's probably really nervous about going or maybe he misread your response when he asked you. Who knows, it could be a dozen things. But at least ask him one more time so you know it's not just a "miscommunication" thing. If you think about it, it took him 6 months to finally ask so he does seem REALLY shy and nervous about the whole thing and he could be lacking confidence in that area too..
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Old 27th May 2007, 10:51 PM   #3
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Thanks FD. When he first suggested getting together, I was nervous too, and I said something about it being funny going out for a drink when we both live right here, so maybe he could come over for a drink (and see some travel photos that he'd been wanting to see.)

I was worried about that being a miscommunication, so that's why I felt comfortable going over there today. He obviously knows how I feel now, so as far as I'm concerned the ball is squarely in his court. I'm not going to do anything further.

To the guys, do you ever ask a woman out and then regret doing it? Or just don't really mean it when you say it? I'm so confused.
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Old 28th May 2007, 2:46 PM   #4
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I know I'm not a guy, but I still wanted to answer your question... lol. And, I think my answer applies to people in general. If you didn't want to go out with someone you wouldn't ask period. As for regretting it, I'm not sure. But, I would assume before you do the asking you would ask yourself first if you really want to and then either ask the other person or don't. I think you can be unsure after asking. Like is it going to change things... I'm not sure if the other person just said yes to be nice and really wants to... etc. But I know for myself, I wouldn't ask anyone out if I didn't want to go out with them. It would be a waste of time. Just my opinion.
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Old 28th May 2007, 3:01 PM   #5
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Garnet, is this the nice guy you were talking about a couple of days ago? I thought you were already in a R?
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Old 28th May 2007, 3:48 PM   #6
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yes sb129, this is the same guy. We haven't been in a relationship, but have been slowly getting to know each other over the past few months and there has been no game playing. He has left me flowers, put a card under my door, little things like that that make me feel special, and there is a very strong physical chemistry also. He is just REALLY shy about actually making a move.

So it's been refreshing to me to feel such an intense attraction for a so-called "nice" guy, which was the point of that post. I really believed that we were heading toward something real. In fact, every cell in my body told me that was the case, and when he finally asked me out on a real date that solidified it for me.

However, after he blew me off yesterday, I've been sent into a tailspin and I don't know how to trust my instincts anymore. I felt so sure this was happening. Maybe I've been deluding myself, or maybe he's not such a nice guy afterall. I just don't know.
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Old 28th May 2007, 3:55 PM   #7
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Well, I wouldn't write off all your groundwork just yet.

Today my best friend totally bit my head off over a minor confusion about the dates of a weekend we are meant to be going away together in october.

I was really upset. My BF said, maybe shes just had a bad day, maybe you called at a bad time etc.

And sure enough she called back an hour later to say sorry, she is really stressed at work, and she misunderstood me.

So.... point is. Your guy is shy, he might have a few things going on, and if he likes you he might not be as articulate as he would like to be.

Maybe he was having a bad day.
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