LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

"Lets take things slow" - Men what does this mean!


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Old 4th May 2007, 10:59 AM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Somewhere :)
Posts: 46
Question "Lets take things slow" - Men what does this mean!

When men say they want to talk a relationship slow, What exactly do you mean??

I started dating this guy, I am big on a guy making the first move. He completely made the first move. Got my number asked me out the first weekend we could go. We really hit it off great. We hang out in the same group of friends so we seen each other quite frequently. So we have A really great connection! But we both want to take things slow not really have a big intense relationship. We are both christians and as far as physical chemistry is was there but thing got just a little out of hand. We both went farthur than we wanted to.

Then all of a sudden I feel like I am being rejected. I get nothing from him when we are together with the group or no group. It is a stretch from him to look me in the eye or say anything to me. After about a week of this we finally talk about what is going on. He tells me that he wants to take things slow and that he felt like things went to fast physically. I completely agreed with everything he said. Plus it made me feel that he respected me physically, and didn't just want to be with me for the hook up.

Now He will still call me and that but he hasn't hung out with anyone all week. I thought that it may be that he was avoiding me. but if he didn't want to be with me then why would he make a effort to call? He has called me about 4 or 5 times this week.

So my question is, when I think of a relationship going slow I think of it as a no pressure sort of things. When you can hang that is great but if you can't or don't want the is okay too. What do men consider a slow relationship. Do you think I am being rejected or should I just give him his space and let him have his time to slow things down in himself?

I could use a little guidence on how to act? Are we just friends now, or is it more than that like before?

Thanks guys
__________________
~Ruth~
Your not given a dream, without the power to make is come true!
Ruthieo01 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2007, 11:13 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Lizzie60's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 14,438
ummm...

could be a few things.

1) He felt chemistry, have strong feelings and he's scared now... wants to take it slow so that he doesn't get burned;

2) He felt chemistry, you fooled around physically, he then realized you're not his type... (disappointed for some reason, bad breath, etc..);

3) He feels you might be the 'clingy' type so he needs to back off a bit.


My bet ... #3.
Lizzie60 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2007, 11:18 AM   #3
Established Member
 
sunshinegirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,844
It sounded like he was trying to blow you off gently, but the many phone calls he's made to you since wouldn't really fit that explanation. So he may really be just trying to dial things back a bit. Hard to say.

I would suggest that you not put all your eggs in this basket. Until his intentions become more clear, keep meeting other people, going on other dates, hanging with your friends, pursuing your hobbies. In short: live your life as though he's not really a big factor in it.
sunshinegirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2007, 11:22 AM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Somewhere :)
Posts: 46
Well I don't think that is has anything to do with a physical thing. He told one of his friend that it was one area he didn't have to worry about being bad with me. But I think you right with the whole things got a little to serious to quickly. I just don't know how to act now ya know. Do I pretend that nothing ever happend and we are back a square one?
Ruthieo01 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2007, 11:31 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Lizzie60's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 14,438
Just go with the flow

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthieo01 View Post
Well I don't think that is has anything to do with a physical thing. He told one of his friend that it was one area he didn't have to worry about being bad with me. But I think you right with the whole things got a little to serious to quickly. I just don't know how to act now ya know. Do I pretend that nothing ever happend and we are back a square one?
Don't pretend anything... just be nice and friendly and wait for him to make a move... the ball is in his camp now. Don't look as if you're waiting after him... just do your things, as if he wasn't in the picture at all... if he's interested he will let you know.
Lizzie60 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2007, 11:44 AM   #6
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Almost at the beach!
Posts: 17,559
In my experience, "let's take it slow" means one thing and one thing only...this guy is REALLY interested. My husband said the same thing to me at the beginning when it looked like we were going too fast.

You don't have to pretend like nothing happened...just be natural and be yourself around him. If it comes up again, just tell him that you completely agree and that you want to get to know him before going to the next level.
Touche is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2007, 3:11 PM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Somewhere :)
Posts: 46
touche thank you so much, I really appreiate the advice everyone! Everyone keeps telling me to forget him that I ask in person. But I really really feel like he has deeper feeling for me than just that because we did have such a STRONG connection at the beginning.
Ruthieo01 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2007, 3:16 PM   #8
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Almost at the beach!
Posts: 17,559
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthieo01 View Post
touche thank you so much, I really appreiate the advice everyone! Everyone keeps telling me to forget him that I ask in person. But I really really feel like he has deeper feeling for me than just that because we did have such a STRONG connection at the beginning.
You're welcome, Ruthie. And go with your gut and forget what everyone is telling you. He sounds like a "keeper" to me. Just take it slow with him and enjoy the friendship for now. Let us know how it goes ok?
Touche is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2007, 5:11 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Davis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Colorado
Posts: 320
I don't agree that "taking it slow" means he's really serious. I've said that to women many times ONLY because I did not want to get serious with them because I knew they weren't the right one for me but I continued for companionship or sex or whatever. Let's see, here are some guesses:

1. It got physical and he can't get past that now... too much too soon.

2. He's not that into you, but doesn't want to look like an ass to your friends and the group that you hang out with.

3. He's confused and doesn't know what he wants.

4. You're a little obsessive/compulsive and it's too much.

I think you have to back way, way off and have NO expectations. Whatever his reason, your only shot is to back off. For sure I think you need to dial your emotions about this guy back. Protect your heart and don't become or look like a fool. IF he's really interested HE will let you know and if he's "luke warm" you know he's not that interested.
__________________
"Some day someone will walk into your life and you will understand why it never worked out with anyone else!" ------------------------------------------------------
I am Captain America, not Captain Save-a-Ho!
Davis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2007, 6:41 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Western PA
Posts: 7,357
I agree with Davis on this issue...he's not doing this because he's real serious about you. I've had guys tell me they wanted to take things slow before and they broke up with me. If the guy wants to get serious with you he will.

Here are some of my guesses:

1. Things got too physical and he needed to not see you as much. That's his issue, though not yours.

2. He's having doubts about whether your the right one for him to be with, so he wanted to not see you as much so he can pursue other options.

3. He doesn't know what he wants right now, and doesn't want to commit to something.

The only reason I am saying this is because I've had guys do it to me. Yeah some guys just "aren't ready", and want to take things slow.(Usually the only time that happens is if they have just broken up with someone and are still hung up on their ex.)

But in my experience, if a guy is very interested in you he will pursue you. So I think that your best course of action is to back off a little bit. Don't drop him completely, but keep your options option. Act as though you have other things to do, and maybe this will make him realize that he needs to pick up the pace. I think that's the only way you'll find out if he's really interested in you.
Lauriebell82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th May 2007, 7:24 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 103
I think he is being serious about you but that doesn't mean he will decide you are the one for him. Either way, I would consider it a respectful comment and you should take heart in that.
Tenorman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th May 2007, 7:51 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Island Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: So near and yet so far...
Posts: 5,224
Quote:
Originally Posted by Davis View Post
I don't agree that "taking it slow" means he's really serious. I've said that to women many times ONLY because I did not want to get serious with them because I knew they weren't the right one for me but I continued for companionship or sex or whatever.
I had to laugh at this. I used to use this line to keep any guy who was very obviously getting "sprung" too quickly at bay. lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by Davis View Post
I think you have to back way, way off and have NO expectations. Whatever his reason, your only shot is to back off. For sure I think you need to dial your emotions about this guy back. Protect your heart and don't become or look like a fool. IF he's really interested HE will let you know and if he's "luke warm" you know he's not that interested.
I agree Davis.

And I'll add - that if he is indeed very religious, he could also be battling guilt over the physical part of the relationship and moving along so fast with that part.

I dated my personal trainer who was very religious. He was a lot of fun, very attractive, and we had a great connection but we would get into any kind of a "heavy petting" situation and afterward - once he got his head back together - he would ask me if I thought God was going to punish us for what had just happened because it was weakness of the flesh.

It was so weird. I thought he be confident and a bit cocky (no pun intended) and certainly he exuded that but he had this weird insecurity about physicality and his beliefs.

Needless to say we never had sex and I put him on board the break up wagon pretty quickly.
Island Girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th May 2007, 2:30 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 204
My guess is that he doesn't want you to think you're a serious item now because of how far it went, but he's calling to:

1. Keep you interested

2. He'd feel guilty if he totally avoided you

3. He still likes you but doesn't trust himself being around you
sweetscarlet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th May 2007, 2:41 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 36,435
Journal Entries: 2
Confession time. I also used to use that line when I thought someone else was getting way too serious too quickly and it was time to chill things out.

It sounds like he's still interested from his phone calls. As mentioned by almost everyone, back off and allow him to initiate contact in the future. When you talk to him, don't mention anything about a near or distant future. If he casually discusses getting together again, don't bite unless he defines a date and time. Even then, make sure it fits into your busy social calendar...

Never put your life on hold for anyone.
Trialbyfire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th May 2007, 6:53 PM   #15
New Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 6
Hey!
Seems to me that he likes you, but doesn't want to commit himself too soon - blokes don't like to cut off choices if they can help it. Taking things slowly seems to me to mean "give me a chance to get to grips with these serious thoughts I'm having". Perhaps these thoughts are a bit of a surprise to him?

just some rambling thoughts,
misterc is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Slow moving guys: How long until you said "I love you"? yellowrose Dating 5 31st May 2005 7:57 PM
Possibly heading down the "lets be friends" path...not really what I want! mr_roggger Dating 9 14th December 2004 1:25 PM
she says"lets be friends" but still wants to date? Leykis1o1 Dating 3 29th October 2004 8:38 PM
SEX-w/teacher i want more she says"lets take it slow"GRRR dalknight2007 Dating 5 27th September 2004 10:53 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 6:49 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.