relationship woes.

[xoxpipahxox]

I feel like I'm stuck in a relationship that is anything but healthy and I can't find a way out of it.

 

Let me begin with some background. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year. We've been living together almost the entire time because when we met he was still living with his ex-girlfriend. If he hadn't moved in with me, I would have had to accept that fact that he resided with his ex and that wasn't something I was going to accept.

 

Ever since the beginning of our relationship, things have gradually gone downhill. It started with small things like the fact that he doesn't have his license or his car; therefore I'm almost a chauffeur for him. I drive him back and forth to work and wherever else he needs to be escorted to. It's difficult to accomplish this and have my life on the side.

 

He and my friends do not get along. They don't like him because ever since I've been with him, my happiness and my self-esteem seem to have decreased. Because they don't like him, he doesn't like them. He thinks that they're going to try to make me leave him and that they're a negative influence.

 

Speaking of friends, I'm not "allowed" to speak with, let alone hang out with, my guy friends. If he sees that I talked to a male he automatically accuses me of doing something wrong. I hate not having all of my friends.

 

We fight atleast once a week. We don't share the same views on most things in life and it's difficult.

 

We've broken up many times, but it never sticks. He always sweet-talks me into staying with him. I feel like staying with him is decreasing my happiness daily.

 

I attempt to break up with him, but the fact that he lives with me makes it extremely difficult. Right now, our relationship isn't horribly treacherous, but that's because I talked about breaking up with him recently. He always makes an effort shortly after those kinds of talks.

 

He isn't romantic and doesn't enjoy foreplay, which consequently makes me not want to have sex. He makes sexual jokes every day, many times a day, and I can't help but roll my eyes and sigh because I thought that a twenty-three year old's maturity level would be past that.

 

I guess what I'm asking for is advice on how I could end this? It's been over a year and I'm constantly doubting wanting to be with him. The love is dwindling and I don't want to keep hanging on while being unhappy.

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

He makes sexual jokes every day, many times a day, and I can't help but roll my eyes and sigh because I thought that a twenty-three year old's maturity level would be past that.

 

Unfortunately, 23 is still very young. When I was 19, I dated a 23 year old, and I CANNOT IMAGINE how my life would have turned out had we gotten married. *shudder* Many people in their younger twenties are still not very mature.

 

You should kick him to the curb if you are not happy. I know it's hard but you know in your heart what has to be done. I hope you can find the strength to do it!

 

Also, I'm interested why you weren't okay with your bf living with his ex. It sounds very much like the situation I am in now. We've been dating for a month, and it has gotten very serious fast (he actually just told me that his boss suggested he buy me an engagement ring). Anyway, he lives with his ex. He talked about moving out though his lease isn't up for another ten months. I told him just to stick it out and when the lease is up, perhaps we can move in together. He suggested moving in together sooner but I don't want to screw things up by rushing in. Perhaps if you and your boyfriend find separate places to live, things would improve. Then again, probably not unfortunately

[xoxpipahxox]

Also, I'm interested why you weren't okay with your bf living with his ex. It sounds very much like the situation I am in now. We've been dating for a month, and it has gotten very serious fast (he actually just told me that his boss suggested he buy me an engagement ring). Anyway, he lives with his ex. He talked about moving out though his lease isn't up for another ten months. I told him just to stick it out and when the lease is up, perhaps we can move in together. He suggested moving in together sooner but I don't want to screw things up by rushing in. Perhaps if you and your boyfriend find separate places to live, things would improve. Then again, probably not unfortunately

 

The reason I wasn't okay with him living with his ex is because he didn't have a binding reason to stay there. He was living there with her and her mother simply as a place to stay. He was the one to break off the relationship, so she was still harboring some deep feelings for him and I didn't think it was right for him to be living there.

 

I'm pretty positive the only way he'd find another place to live is if we broke up. He doesn't feel the urgency to leave, so he's not looking to.

[curiousnycgirl]

From what you have written this guy does not seem to have grown up at all. Age is just a number, actions show someone's intellectual age/maturity level.

 

Did this guy just move from his mother's house, to his ex's to yours? Has he ever lived on his own? If you guys don't live in a major city, with mass transit - how can he possibly expect to get around without a license and a vehicle? These are huge red flags that this guy does not take responsibility - and is looking for someone else to do it for him.

 

WTH do you mean he will not let you speak with your male friends? That is just controlling and unacceptable.

 

The harsh reality is that breaking up is not easy - you are going to have to go throught he pain.

 

Here are some questions for you:

Are you happy? you said you are not

Does he make you happy? you said no

Would your life be better off without him? you've implied yes.

 

You need to give him 24 hours to remove his stuff from your place, change the lock (do not give him a key) and then go no contact! Sorry to be so direct - but that's the truth.

[Sevenmack]

Just dump him. That's all.