Mythical Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Im wondering if there is a way to become less sensitive... Not worry about things, not let your mind trail off into negative things, pretty much just care less??? Link to post Share on other sites
mockeryjones Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Im wondering if there is a way to become less sensitive... Not worry about things, not let your mind trail off into negative things, pretty much just care less??? you could always aquire a serious drug habit. that generally seems to do the trick. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Im wondering if there is a way to become less sensitive... Not worry about things, not let your mind trail off into negative things, pretty much just care less??? Sensitive to things happening to you in the dating world?? Or just in general? Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 It would help if you explained a bit more about what you are talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mythical Posted February 27, 2007 Author Share Posted February 27, 2007 Sensitive to things happening to you in the dating world?? Or just in general? I guess in the dating world.... I just want to grow like a harder shell...if you know what I mean Not drag things on. Not get mad, not get hurt by little things. It's hard to explain because I don't want to get into detail but im in a relationship right now with someone that isn't as sensitive as me and i want to be the same way....sounds pretty stupid of course but I know I get easily hurt and easily offended.....I just want to be able to say "fu*k it! and I know I can but if I do that I will care less... I want to be just as caring, I can easily just be "hard" but when I do that I can't show my true feeligns and that sucks....I just want to be able to drop thigns faster and not say when its bugging me if its not worth it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mythical Posted February 27, 2007 Author Share Posted February 27, 2007 to explain a lil better. If someone is going to do something hurtful their going to do it. worrying about it to the point where you can be unhappy daily? And if you pretty much know they won't do it. How do you stop worrying? and just be happy....if ppl choose to hurt somone its going to happen I don't think by the other person worrying it would stop it Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 to explain a lil better. If someone is going to do something hurtful their going to do it. worrying about it to the point where you can be unhappy daily? And if you pretty much know they won't do it. How do you stop worrying? and just be happy....if ppl choose to hurt somone its going to happen I don't think by the other person worrying it would stop it This might be way-out-there advice...but, I'm gonna say it anyways. I have improved my sensitivity over the years. Granted, I do have my setbacks, because it is a constant struggle to "let go" of things. The best thing I ever did was join Al-Anon group. Ya know, the twelve steps? I've never had a problem with alcohol, but I was trying to control someone who did. I was slowly driving myself crazy with worry and being oversensitive with things. Anyway, in just about any case where we feel out of control in life...the twelve steps will apply. Even with my daughter's recovery of her over-controlling behavior, she is incorporating those steps into her life. Sometimes, we just have to let go, and let God. I think I better read on up on those books again myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mythical Posted February 28, 2007 Author Share Posted February 28, 2007 This might be way-out-there advice...but, I'm gonna say it anyways. I have improved my sensitivity over the years. Granted, I do have my setbacks, because it is a constant struggle to "let go" of things. The best thing I ever did was join Al-Anon group. Ya know, the twelve steps? I've never had a problem with alcohol, but I was trying to control someone who did. I was slowly driving myself crazy with worry and being oversensitive with things. Anyway, in just about any case where we feel out of control in life...the twelve steps will apply. Even with my daughter's recovery of her over-controlling behavior, she is incorporating those steps into her life. Sometimes, we just have to let go, and let God. I think I better read on up on those books again myself. Hey, thanks for he advice. Could explain more to me in how it helped and what they are exactly? lol I think I saw that on Seinfeld j/k but i am intreressted to hear more Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 I posted a similar thread probably something like a year ago. I don't know if there's a way to do it but I can tell you the things that I have found that help me. I think different people will respond to different mechanisms. One thing that has helped me when it comes to dating is "exposure therapy". I went out and dated A LOT of different men last year, to the point where I was just exhausted by the end of the week. I have definitely learned to care less which is kind of sad but helps with the bad situations. I may never be able to care about someone the same way I used to but I'll also never hurt the same way I used to. Another thing that has helped me in every area is breathing exercises which are kind of a form of meditation. I've recommended this book before, it's called "Quiet Your Mind" and it helps you learn to shut your mind off when you need to...like when you're obsessing. I have also found repeating things to myself over and over again helps as well as coming to accept certain facts and giving up control. You mentioned that if someone is going to do something hurtful, then they're going to do it. There's nothing you can do to stop it, worrying about it won't prevent it. REALLY ACCEPT that and you will be able to let go and stay in the moment, enjoy things and take them as they come. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 Hey, thanks for he advice. Could explain more to me in how it helped and what they are exactly? lol I think I saw that on Seinfeld j/k but i am intreressted to hear more Here is a link for you...http://www.barefootsworld.net/aaloisw1953gv.html. Anyway, that's just my two cents here. Link to post Share on other sites
orangehose Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 Hi there, I had a fairly similar problem in my previous (and so far, only) relationship - I obsessed over him and what he said and did constantly, and often felt hurt or weirded out or insecure by his behaviors and words... I told him about it but he just didn't understand why certain things bothered me and would brush them off. So I stopped telling him and eventually grew this hard shell of indifference by reassuring myself daily, whenever thoughts would pop up, that I didn't care about the relationship, that fortunately I wasn't married to him and could still get out of it, so I had nothing to worry about, etc etc. The thing was, I eventually became so indifferent that even he felt like I didn't care about the relationship anymore... and at that point, he was right. I had hardened myself to a point of uncaring. Now that I'm out of it, life feels calmer and my mind is generally more quiet and under control. I know I have a slight tendency to obsess in general, but a relationship (or at least this relationship) just magnifies that out of control. Now at least I feel like a normal, sane human being again. Anyway, just thought my story might help.... I am definitely going to try daily meditation and every relaxation exercise imaginable should I re-enter a relationship in the future... Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 Im wondering if there is a way to become less sensitive... Not worry about things, not let your mind trail off into negative things, pretty much just care less??? ahhhh....My Mythical Sweetness! we are generally on a similar wave-link...... for me it was being that way in dating/ relationships with guys. maybe it is because i have to deal with other peoples petty issues at work, or maybe it is because i have just figured that there are some nasty-arssed people- aka: men, that i have dated, out there............ I dunno, but i do know i like being bitchy when i should be. i used to just take it, but now i figure, what the hell, may as well ask what the deal is. what will it hurt if me if dudeand i are on the outs anyways? i believe in the Golden Rule, and it may as well apply to you and me and everyone.... so why not You, Mythical? everyone deserved to be treated as well as they treat others, and from what i know of you, you care about other people in your life. if only everyone was like "us".... but the bright side is more people are like "us" than not.... But Really who remebers the Good peope, we usually we rember the nastees. i just try to take a learning experince, if nothing else, from others. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 It normally takes a lot to honestly hurt my feelings although it's fun to pretend and have the opportunity to use some sarcasm. One way to get me going is to criticize people that I love, such as my family and close friends...but that's something completely unrelated... Anyways, try to remember that most of the time people aren't even thinking about your feelings, they're only focused on what they are attempting to communicate. Also, they don't deliberately try to hurt you, it just happens. In a relationship though, especially when you're fighting, both parties push buttons. Some things are said to deliberately hurt because they're feeling anger and pain and lash out. It doesn't make it easier to take but many times they don't honestly mean them. The best way to address something like this is to also look to your side of the argument. Did I say anything I never really meant? If so, you should be able to relate to the other side better. Having said this, many men think differently than women. They're more self-absorbed with less ability or desire to empathize. Consider it the gender divide because they are core traits and rarely can be changed. For women, forewarned is fore-armed. Don't roll over every time they get angry with you. Give some of that anger back instead of crying and you will feel a hella' lot better about it afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mythical Posted March 1, 2007 Author Share Posted March 1, 2007 Hi everyone, Luvtoto Thank you for the link I am looking to grab the book! Orangehose, Larubiabonita and Trialbyfire, thanks you for all your advice and Orangehouse for sharing your story, honestly just talking about it and hearing your advice/comments have helped me very much...its weird out of no where I feel stronger and even over the past couple days as dumb as it might sound I feel different. I think Orangehouse you said "keep repeating it over and over" I actually did that and slowely everything was clearer (all the stupid things I think about, and get hurt by, take too seriously) Thanks again you guys very much! I appriciate it all! Larubiabonita, I agrre with you very much! ..How are you doing? I hope very good! Link to post Share on other sites
Pretty Fly Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 In psychological terms they call this strengthening your personal boundary. Your personal boundary is made up of the things you are willing to let into your life (friends, fun things, happiness etc) and the things you DECIDE not to let into your life (difficult people, hurt etc). You then have doors in your boundary to let in the good things and these doors swing shut to shut out the bad. Sound like you are looking to strengthen your boundary to counter the bad things which you decide that your life will be better without, but also practice allowing the doors to occur to let in the good things. All very abstract, but my point is, don't just shut out everything just to shut out the bad, you need to let in the good too. Part of being being able to experience the good is having experienced the bad to compare it too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mythical Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 In psychological terms they call this strengthening your personal boundary. Your personal boundary is made up of the things you are willing to let into your life (friends, fun things, happiness etc) and the things you DECIDE not to let into your life (difficult people, hurt etc). You then have doors in your boundary to let in the good things and these doors swing shut to shut out the bad. Sound like you are looking to strengthen your boundary to counter the bad things which you decide that your life will be better without, but also practice allowing the doors to occur to let in the good things. All very abstract, but my point is, don't just shut out everything just to shut out the bad, you need to let in the good too. Part of being being able to experience the good is having experienced the bad to compare it too. Thanks prettyfly, that deffinetly makes sense and i noticed its practically impossible to completely block it out and still be happy. I want to be nice and am a very nice person so I would only be more un happy to be cold harded and never share what I feel. Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Last summer, I read a book called 'Dating Smart' by Dr. Phil. It helps you establish boundaries. I highly recommend it! Link to post Share on other sites
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