Sticky Situation

[JerryG]

Hey,

 

So here is my situation. It seems like I found a site like this a little too late. By reading a lot of the stuff on here I'm really learning a lot into myself and my own issues regarding relationships. So here is my dillema:

 

There is this girls that I've been friends with for the past 2/3 years, and we mainly hung out in the summer. This past June, she broke up with her boyfriend in her first major relationship. It was also at this time that she revealed to one of my friends that she really liked me, but had just ended her first relationship so she wasn't ready for anything new. We started to hang out together a lot more at this time, and she told me that she felt it was important people be best friends first, to which I agreed.

 

After this, there were some instances in August where she would get drunk when we were out, and start holding my hand, and grabbing me to grind dancing with her, but not much else. At this point, I still assumed we were working on the bestfriends thing. She also revealed to her girlfriends that didn't know she could "feel this way about someone" so soon after her last boyfriend, and she wasn't ready and wanted to be right for me. So I took that things were developing well.

 

Fast foward to November, and this is when we have our first talk. She revealed to me that it was no secret that we liked each other, but she wasn't sure she was ready for a relationship yet, and she was scared about taking advantage and hurting me. I tried to reassure her that there I wouldn't let her taking advantage of me, and I understood she needed more time after the break-up. Later that night, she put the moves on me for the first time. The next weekend, both of us were really drunk at a club and made out infront of everyone for a majority of the night.

 

It is since then, we're I became confused. After these two weekends, its like we hit autopilot. We progressed to the stage where we would kiss each other on the cheek, but not much physicaly stuff happened. We'd see each other most weekends, and I suprised her with dinner and flowers once, but all this time I was waiting for her to be ready to get into a relationship. All this came to an end last Sunday when she gave me the I just want to be friends talk, and said she isn't looking to be anyone's girlfriend at the moment.

 

These last few days I've been going over what happened, and where I potentially went wrong. First, I think I was investing much more emotionally into the relationship then she was. I was always worrying about what was going to happen next and what I was should do. I tried to do nice things for her often (nothing of great monetary value), just like burning CDs for her sometimes, or get lending her a travel pillow she could take on her bus for a commute to work. The only thing I bought for her was at Christmas and was some chocolates and bubble bath. She didn't give me anything in return (not that I expected her to) Now, I don't consider myself clingy or possessive. I usually didn't call her during the week, maybe an e-mail sometimes, usually if she was in town on the weekends either she would call me or I would call her. Perhaps I sometimes fall into the nice guy category. I realize now I made myself too avaliable to her, and probably didn't seem like a challenge to her. Also, it was only this past January that I started to read and learn the art of seducing and flirting with girls from friends and books etc. I should have also tried to date other girls while all this was happening for me personally, and to keep her on her toes. A friend also suggested I didn't capitalize on the intial physical spark, and blew my chances then. Keep in mind this was my first relationship in any form.

 

Now, my question is what to do now? I would like to go a while with minimal contact (I'm thinking 2-3 weeks). It is hard because we share the same group of friends, and we do go to dance class on Sunday nights. Also, I would like some more time to figure myself out more and to see what I learned. Although I don't expect to be given one, would it be possible or advisable to seek a second chance with her? I will probably now try to date other girls, even if we I do start dating her in any form again. I know this was long, thanks for your help or comments on the situation. Please note, this event this past Sunday came as a SHOCK to her group of friends and mine. I haven't tried to get in touch with her since. What should I do if she tries calling?? Should I see her this weekend?

[D-Lish]

It's in your best interest NOT to pursue her.

I wouldn't call her or e-mail her, and I'd avoid seeing her out.

 

Attraction is often about wanting what you think you can't have. She knows how much you like her- and you're not a challenge to her. By withdrawing contact, you'll make her wonder about you.

 

If she truly is sitting on the fence about how she feels- then NC will work in your favour. If she has made up her mind- NC will help you get over her. Either way, it's what you should do.

 

Putting any kind of pressure on her at the moment will drive her further away.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

Short and Simple Advice, JerryG:

 

Her inconsistency [uncertainty] is causing damage to the relationship -or rather, to the future relationship. As a result, there is no reward/gain in pursuing.

 

Don't contact her, anymore. Stop. Back off. Cool off. Besides, in my opinion, too much time has been wasted in this stage for anything to ever happen -let alone a relationship.

 

When the right time comes for her [ -IF ever], she will hunt you down. Other than that, go date other women.

 

Sand&Water

[ddnnee]

we all know that alcohol is the magic behind it. So i think u both should get drunk at your place, in your bedroom. Maybe things will take off from there. good luck!

[Green]

Well I read your entire long post and looks like you thought of all angles. I do think you maybe you did miss out on that initial spark you guys had. You should have definetly been pursuing other girls all this time. Dont put to much stalk into that seducing girls mumbo jumbo some of it is obvious and true but some of it is out right crazy. I would move on and not think about this girl anymore, infact be imature and give her a cold shoulder when you have to see her. Hit on lots of girls never again invest so much time and energy in a person you dont know well yet and who doesnt like you back in the same way. Take things slower emotionaly, and yes if you like a girl and you want a relationship you have to move fast when you get that initial spark its time to light that fire.

[JerryG]

If she tries to call, should I pick up the phone, text, or e-mail her back?

[Green]

If she calls just dont answer, and unless the message says something like O what a mistake I;ve made come get me you stud dont even call her back. Now thats what I call a Sticky Situation... Look start asking out a lot of girls and dont fixate on one girl who things went bad on... You never really had a true bf gf relationship with her so just forget about her and look on to ur bigger better brighter future. Dont call her, dont answer calls that you know are comming from her. You have feeling for her so dont torture urself, move on I think ur onto something big you seemed to know what to do b4 u even asked so if confirmation is what you wanted uve got it from me ur on the right track dude just stay optomistic and have fun.