Eating dinner alone with opposite sex friend?

[Shandy]

Hi guys,

 

My long-term boyfriend and I go to the same University. He has a hard time making friends with guys so he now hangs around with a group of girls in school. They eat lunch together, go to the same classes, study together, basically are around each other all day every day.

 

I have told him repeatedly that he should hang around me in school more, especially since my department is just the next building over. He asserts that it's natural to be around campus with his female friends, who are all in his department. Also, everytime I call him during the day, he does not pick up the phone, and always waits til after coming home to call me back.

 

A few months ago, after studying late in the library, he ate dinner alone with one of his friends. When I asked if he had dinner yet, he said, oh I ate dinner with my friends (notice the plural) already. Then later I found out it was only with one female friend.

 

I got very upset and told him he shouldn't be eating dinner alone with her, especially since he already sees the group of friends all day. Then today out of nowhere, he brought that up again, telling me I'm being controlling. He should be able to eat dinner with his female friends alone. I'm a jealous person, etc.

 

My question is, am I being too controlling? I've met his friends and they know I'm his girlfriend. But I think given the amount of time they spend together in school and that they already eat lunch together, why would he care if he can't have dinner alone with a girl if it makes me feel uncomfortable?

 

Thanks for your inputs.

[Zaira]

Difficult one.

 

He is allowed to have friends of the opposite sex, and they do know he has a girlfriend.... BUT

 

If it is making you uncomfortable then he needs to take your feelings into consideration.

 

I wonder how he'd feel if the positions were reversed. Ask.

 

Maybe next time suggest that he invite you along for dinner too.

[Okeydokey]

That IS a hard one.

 

I've been on both sides.

 

I've had the bf that has too many gf and did things which I felt crossed the line.

 

On the other hand, I have really close guy friends (completely platonic) who I would be really sad to lose to a controlling gf.

 

My feeling is that if he starts to lie about his relationship with his friends then that is bc he feels like he is doing something wrong. When it gets to the point that he is lying about what he is doing (bc he feels he did something wrong) then that is where the line is for me. Putting it into the plural - obvioulsy he appreciated the fact that his behavior was inconsiderate. I'd say he crossed the line by lying. I wouldn't make a fuss out of it just yet bc the more you complain/make life unpleasant the more inclined he will be to conceal behavior he thinks will get him in hot water even if in his mind it seems ok (not wrong).