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Different Religions...Could It Pose A Problem?


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I met this new guy who is everything that I need and want...he is there for me when I need him, and he always makes me laugh. While we are getting to know each other, I learned that he is in fact Jewish. I don't believe he is a strict Jew, but I'm not sure how that works. I on the other hand have been raised Catholic. Even though I'm not strict, and haven't practiced my faith since college (about 5 years ago) I'm wondering if our religious beliefs would cause a problem within a relationship?

If for example we became serious one day, how would it work? If for instance there were children involved, what religion would the children be raised?

I'm just curious to see if anyone has been in this type of relationship, and if so...did it work out?

After I've been through some pointless relationships in my past, I finally found someone that fulfills my needs, emotionally. So I need to know these things before I consider becoming serious with him.

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I'm in an interfaith marriage. I'm Jewish, he's Catholic. It can work, but you have to be able to talk through a lot of stuff and both have to be willing to compromise. There is an interfaith marriage group called Dovetail. You can probably google them and get more info.

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It you might run in to some problems from time to time at first, but it's been my experience that this doesn't really pose a serious problem.

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I met this new guy who is everything that I need and want...he is there for me when I need him, and he always makes me laugh. While we are getting to know each other, I learned that he is in fact Jewish. I don't believe he is a strict Jew, but I'm not sure how that works. I on the other hand have been raised Catholic. Even though I'm not strict, and haven't practiced my faith since college (about 5 years ago) I'm wondering if our religious beliefs would cause a problem within a relationship?

If for example we became serious one day, how would it work? If for instance there were children involved, what religion would the children be raised?

I'm just curious to see if anyone has been in this type of relationship, and if so...did it work out?

After I've been through some pointless relationships in my past, I finally found someone that fulfills my needs, emotionally. So I need to know these things before I consider becoming serious with him.

 

A new guy? Thats awesome. Congrats.:)

 

That is something that the two of you will have to talk about. I guess it depends just how much each of you follow your own beliefs.

 

Sorry I can't be much more of help, but I am just thrilled to hear that you met someone else and that you have finally left the boy behind.

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It can cause problems if you let it. For me it was hard because I don't budge on certain things.

 

For me I'm with someone from the same religion. One less thing to worry about and were pretty much on the same page about everything which is great.

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It can cause problems if you let it. For me it was hard because I don't budge on certain things.

It's such a surprise to learn that you're stubborn. Wow.

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i can identify a lot with this situaton. my father is jewish and my mom is catholic so me and my younger sister were raised catholic. my dad didn't have a problem with this and he celebrates christmas and even came to church with us.

 

now i am in sort of the same situation. my current boyfriend is of the brotheran religion. i always wanted to marry someone who was catholic because it always bothered me a littel that my dad wasnt catholic. however, i guess u cant control who u fall in love with and want to marry. i have talked to my boyfriend about my feelings and he agreed that if we got married and had children he would be ok with them being raised catholic.

 

are u thinking of marriage with this guy?maybe u should ask his feelings about the subject? would he go to church with u? would u want ur kids to be raised catholic, and would he be ok with that? these are all questions that u need to get answered if u plan on having a future with this guy. yes it is more complicated when u are with someone of a different religion, but it can work out if u compromise. find out what this guys feelings are and make a decision from there.

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Ok, I've been in a relationship where religion was a challenge. Like you, both of us were baptised a certain religion but not that religious. However, it may pose a problem when you want to have kids and are deciding on what religion to give them. People get passionate about religion with their kids more to keep with 'tradition'. Jewish and Catholic religions are quite different, one is christian the other is not, for starters.

 

The question you must ask yourselves (at the right time) is this...Is your wanting to be with each other forever stronger than your love/need to uphold your religion?

 

If you are both religious, using his/your religions will go against your values and you might feel resentment towards the other person after a while. They can even hold it against you..."I gave up my religion for you and you can't even wash the dishes!" etc.

 

There might also be pressure from family members to make a certain decision.

 

But saying that, I've known many couples who have successful marriages and are different religions. My advice is to just enjoy your rship for now (don't jump the gun) but as you get more serious, start thinking about how much you would be willing to compromise for this guy. If you do get that serious, PLEASE don't leave it until the last minute to talk about this issue. It should be discussed and agreed upon before marriage otherwise there could be all kinds of trouble. Don't assume the other person knows what you want. Good Luck :)

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Jewish and Catholic religions are quite different, one is christian the other is not, for starters.

i would agree with that....its like trying to mix oil and water

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AriaIncognito

Oh boy.

 

Well, here's my experience.

 

I've been in an interfaith relationship for a year now. He's jewish, I was raised baptist but haven't really been practicing for years. He's not strict, doesn't keep kosher, barely goes to temple even on high holy days...it's caused issues for us, only because he's seemingly afraid his parents won't accept me, and seemingly holds back from a real commitment because of that. He knows that I'm open to the idea of conversion, but being Jewish, he believes I should convert for the sake of the religion, not for the sake of wanting to be with him (which i can understand). To that end, I've been doing what I can to learn about it myself and see if it's something that's doable from my perspective.

 

In my specific scenario, i'm sure if we got married he'd want the kids to be raised Jewish. I don't have issue with this, and have told him such, but of course, it would mean i'd need to do a great deal of learning and changing to live the life of a Jewish person, regardless of officially converting or not.

 

In my case, he's everything (ok 98% - i could do without the lateness and without the worry about my faith getting in the way) that i want in a partner, and if he could put his fears aside and trust in us, I'd move on to the next step (marriage) in a snap. I'm that sure about him.

 

So, who knows. All i can tell you is, be careful. Your heart is definitely on the line. This has been the most trying relationship I've been in, emotionally, because I've given so much of myself but also because I'm considering the idea of future and conversion and whatnot. It's obviously a big deal.

 

I even went to shabbat services this past friday. I wanted to see for myself what it would be like. I didn't tell him I was going, but when he asked me to go to a movie that night, i fessed up, and he came with me. It wasn't that I didn't want him to go with me, but I wanted to prove, so to speak, that this pursuit of understanding isn't just a show for him, it's actually something I'm doing for myself. The fact that he came and shared it with me made it all the better, but i wanted him to know that I mean business when i say i'm open.

 

So, anyway i've rambled but i just wanted to let you know that there are many couples who do make it, or are attempting to, but it will (like any relationship) require a certain level of effort. Willingness to compromise on both sides will be key...

 

Good luck to you, and feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions about what i've gone through in the past year with him.

 

Jennifer

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AriaIncognito
One less thing to worry about and were pretty much on the same page about everything which is great.

 

It's interesting how you can also be of differing religions and actually still be on the same page. I've often joked with my s/o that I might actually be jewish because everything i believe in falls in line with Judaism. There are parts of christianity that i don't really know if i buy into, and those things happen to not be a part of Judiasm.

 

I think a lot of the issue here is, we are all born into a religion, well, many of us, but most of us never question it or ask ourselves if it's what we truly believe in, or if we are just doing it cuz we were told to.

 

I was born christian, but in looking at my beliefs, i seem more in line with Judaism, so then, what does that really say about me. Who knows.

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Some of the problems in interfaith Jewish/Catholic relationships are what I would call the hot buttons. Holidays and life cycle events can be times of stress for one or both partners.

 

Crosses, crucifixes, pictures of Jesus are all things that generally make Catholics feel good, but Jews are often taught to associate these symbols with historical Christian persecution and may feel negative and anxious when exposed to them.

 

The Jewish person might feel devastated to see their children with ash on their foreheads or making the sign of the cross. Jews are taught from early on that it is their responsibility to carry on the faith and that if they intermarry they are contributing to the demise of Judaism.

 

Conversely, Judaism is a religion that is deeply enmeshed in culture and it can take a non-Jew years to get familiar with the culture and feel comfortable with it.

 

It can also be perplexing for the non-Jewish partner to see that a Jew who is not religious might still be very possessive of the Jewish identity.

 

Most of these issues are so emotional and some are hard to overcome.

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mental_traveller

Generally I think it's not a good idea for people who are *remotely* religious to get serious (i.e. possibly leading to marriage and/or kids later) with people from a different religion. The reason is that whilst it may not be an issue for the two of you now, what happens when marriage comes on the radar and mothers in law & fathers in law & extended families, who are often *very* serious about the religion, come into the picture? Even more difficult is the issue of kids.

 

Now, personally I think that raising kids to believe in your religion is borderline abusive. Same the other way, I'm a hardcore atheist but if I had kids I would not try to "raise" them to be that way. I'd just present the issues and say go and find out yourself & decide what you believe in after you've researched & thought about it. But in my experience, many religious people feel compelled to foist their own beliefs onto their kids, effectively brainswashing them at their most impressionable and vulnerable point in life. So, if you are one of those people, you will have a major problem if you have kids with someone of a different religion, since you will clash on how to teach them. If you are one of the more relaxed people who believe in god but aren't that hung up about what your kids decide to believe, and your partner is too, then it's not as much of an issue.

 

So basically you have two potential hurdles. IMO an inter-faith marriage is likely to hit trouble unless i) both of you are relaxed about how to bring up your kids vis a vis religious beliefs & teaching ii) both your families/relatives mind their own business with regard to your religious beliefs, and/or you are prepared to tell them to bugger off and not talk to them for years if they try to harrass you about it.

 

In my experience, most people are under the thumb of their families, and feel a compulsion to try to indoctrinate their kids with their own beliefs. Hence, most inter-faith marriages will not work well.

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It can also be perplexing for the non-Jewish partner to see that a Jew who is not religious might still be very possessive of the Jewish identity.

yes, i call that the country-club mentality. if you're born a jew you'll always be part of the "club" no matter what you believe in. I mean, a jew could convert to buddism and would still be a jew.

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yes, i call that the country-club mentality. if you're born a jew you'll always be part of the "club" no matter what you believe in. I mean, a jew could convert to buddism and would still be a jew.

 

Agreed. Except if you convert to Christianity. Then the J. community does not view you as Jewish any more. Christians might but not other Jews.

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Seems like it would only be a problem if you let it. I've been with someone before who had a different religion then me and we couldn't talk about somethings without fighting. We even had different political views to so that didn't work very well.

 

The relationship didn't last long. Got sick of having to watch what I say and do. It was tiring.

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what if you're a christian and the guy you're with isn't sure he even believes in God or that Jesus Christ died for us? how would you raise your kids if one of you believes in God and the other doesn't? That'd confuse the kids even more I think.

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Seems like it would only be a problem if you let it.

that a bit naive view CAPA...mainly cause we don't live in a vacuum. Everyone around us including family, friends and co-workers have their opinions and views. YOU may have no problem but SOME of them will. I mean image if you were married to a moslem spouse when 9/11 happened. What would you do or say? It would most likely cause at least some tension. Basically we have no control over other's viewpoints and world events.

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