Typical "he stopped calling" story....

[SouthernT]

Ok guys...help me out. I met a guy through a co-worker at dinner one night. A few days later he asked her for my number. He called just about every day/every other day for about a month and a half. Then one night we have a conversation that HE INITIATED. He basically said...I really like you and mabye here in about a month or so we may have a discussion about taking things to the next level. But I want to make sure that you are mentally and emotionally ready for it. My response was..."Do you really see it happening that fast? That sounds cool and I'm willing to give it a try." Every girls dream right? ......

 

Well he hasn't called since that day. It's been a month since I've heard anything from him. I've called him once (mabye twice) a week with no response from him. As of last week, I stopped callin all together. What gives?? I don't understand. I was really dissapointed because I havent dated anybody in over a year bacause of previous hurt. I wasn't even looking for anyting when he came along. But he turned out to be a great guy and I really liked him and I put in the effort. HELP PLEASE!!!????!?!?!?!?

[Rooster_DAR]

"Do you really see it happening that fast? That sounds cool and I'm willing to give it a try." Every girls dream right? ......

 

That question right there is what stopped him.

[SouthernT]

Are U Kidding Me????

[guin_girl]

He basically said...I really like you and mabye here in about a month or so we may have a discussion about taking things to the next level. But I want to make sure that you are mentally and emotionally ready for it.

 

That's an odd statement to make to me... I've never made an "appointment" to discuss moving forward... it's something that either flows or doesn't flow..."

 

But Rooster may have something there "Do you really see it happening that fast? " might lead him to have thought that you weren't ready...

[Genji]

[quote=SouthernT;1032315He basically said...I really like you and mabye here in about a month or so we may have a discussion about taking things to the next level. But I want to make sure that you are mentally and emotionally ready for it. My response was..."Do you really see it happening that fast? That sounds cool and I'm willing to give it a try." Every girls dream right? ......

 

Well he hasn't called since that day. It's been a month since I've heard anything from him. I've called him once (mabye twice) a week with no response from him. As of last week, I stopped callin all together. What gives?? I don't understand. I was really dissapointed because I havent dated anybody in over a year bacause of previous hurt. I wasn't even looking for anyting when he came along. But he turned out to be a great guy and I really liked him and I put in the effort. HELP PLEASE!!!????!?!?!?!?

 

 

I'm assuming from your post that he initiated all the calls? and you decided to call him only 2 times in 1 month? Seems to me he in the effort and you wern't able to match that and he decided you weren't worth it. He rather find a girl that matchs his effort.

 

I think what he meant when he basically told you he liked you, he wanted to hear the same from you. Not beat around the bush and be vague.

 

"Do you really see it happening that fast? That sounds cool and I'm willing to give it a try."

 

He wanted you to be real and honest with your feelings. But you weren't so you're not ready. He moved on, you should too.

[Grrlish]

That's an odd statement to make to me... I've never made an "appointment" to discuss moving forward... it's something that either flows or doesn't flow..."

 

 

I think that he set you up. He called, made this grandiose move, and then disappeared. Probably figures that acting like such a huge d*ck will run you off and out of his life.

 

And it should.

[Art_Critic]

He called just about every day/every other day for about a month and a half.

I really like you and mabye here in about a month or so we may have a discussion about taking things to the next level. But I want to make sure that you are mentally and emotionally ready for it. My response was..."Do you really see it happening that fast? That sounds cool and I'm willing to give it a try."

 

He is a flake looking for the easy score..

You didn't give it to him..

He puts in a month of phone calls and is thinking that if this girl is for real then she should just go to the next level..

You didn't.. and since you were going to take more work than he was willing to give he moved on..

 

He in a sense was asking for a somewhat commitment that if he puts in the effort will you put out ...by you commenting about if he saw it happening that fast he got his answer

[Gala]

Were you also dating during this time? It's not clear from your post...and thus it's hard to tell what "the next level" would have meant.

[Guest]

I'm assuming from your post that he initiated all the calls? and you decided to call him only 2 times in 1 month? Seems to me he in the effort and you wern't able to match that and he decided you weren't worth it. He rather find a girl that matchs his effort.

 

I think what he meant when he basically told you he liked you, he wanted to hear the same from you. Not beat around the bush and be vague.

 

"Do you really see it happening that fast? That sounds cool and I'm willing to give it a try."

 

He wanted you to be real and honest with your feelings. But you weren't so you're not ready. He moved on, you should too.

 

Dude, read what she said. She basically responded to his question with a 'yes, sounds good, let's do that.' And she called once/twice a week after that conversation, to follow up. He neither returned her phone calls nor contacted her on his own.

 

Twist it how you want, that's plain screwy and bizarre on his part. Even if he were pissed off because he felt rejected (which would also be screwy of him, but I guess if he were extremely sensitive it's possible) he could still be classy enough to pick up the phone and say, 'I'm sorry, I don't think this is going to work out after all' rather than leaving her hanging.

 

And I agree with the poster who said, who makes an appointment for a month in the future to discuss things? And why, specifically, is he concerned you might not be "emotionally ready" in the first place? Weird, unless you just broke up with someone or something.

 

He sounds odd and possibly controlling. And I wonder if he's dating elsewhere. Let this one go, I'd say.

[SouthernT]

To answere the last post..I had just gotten out of a situation with a guy who had a girlfriend the entire 2 years that we were dealing with eachother. That whole situation went down pretty nasty and it happened in February. That's why I havent dated all year long and it was the furthest thing from my mind untill I met this guy that we're talking about now. Somehow, he managed to make me reconsider men. And for a second I actually thought "hey, mabye I'm ready to give guys another shot"

 

And mabye I need some help here. I've never really "dated". Whats the difference between casually seeing someone, dating someone, and being in a relationship with someone?

 

 

Anyhow, my co-worker-the one that hooked us up...She talked to him a few days after this whole incident and he said "I didnt tell her that...Well I did say those things but mabye she took it the wrong way" and he also told her that he didnt want a relationship with anybody right now.

 

The week that we met, I told him that I dont have casual sex. So therefore, when he talked about "the next level", sex was the furthest thing from my mind because we had already had that discussion. And I basically gave him the "OK" to see were things would go and that I was willing to put in the effort to get to know him. (without the sexual part happening.)

 

I sent him a text message after that conversation and after 3 weeks of no response from him and asked him why he was playing games.. His response was "What? I'm busy now. Playing games? Your trippin! Your crazy. We havent even dated. I saw you three weeks ago. Get a grip."

 

How does a man go from "taking it to the next level" to "your crazy we havent even dated...get a grip"

 

Guys....I dont care what ya'll say about women. MEN ARE SOME DISTURBED CREATURES!!

[Art_Critic]

How does a man go from "taking it to the next level" to "your crazy we havent even dated...get a grip"

 

I stick by my original post and say he was looking for the easy score and you were going to be too much work for him..

 

At this point if you continue to text him or contact him you will be branded a Psycho ..

[Grrlish]

 

I sent him a text message after that conversation and after 3 weeks of no response from him and asked him why he was playing games.. His response was "What? I'm busy now. Playing games? Your trippin! Your crazy. We havent even dated. I saw you three weeks ago. Get a grip."

 

How does a man go from "taking it to the next level" to "your crazy we havent even dated...get a grip"

 

Guys....I dont care what ya'll say about women. MEN ARE SOME DISTURBED CREATURES!!

 

 

I didn't realize that you two weren't dating during all of that time he was calling you. It would seem weird to me that a guy would just keep calling and not ask me out. I'd figure that there is something else going on in his life.

 

Sounds to me like when he said something about taking it to the next level, he maybe meant a...date? I mean, that seems like the logical next step, right? Not sure how you would have gotten anything else out of it (except maybe thinking that he meant sex).

 

Either way, he does sound like he's playing some kind of game in there somewhere.

 

Good riddance.

 

EDIT:

 

At this point if you continue to text him or contact him you will be branded a Psycho ..

 

Ditto. Accept that he's a jerk and put the experience behind you.

[Star Gazer]

By saying "take it to the next level," I think he meant simply start to DATE one another. Y'all had only been TALKING, so the natural next step is, in fact, a DATE. You made it clear to him that you had been hurt in the past, weren't going to have casual sex, didn't know if you were ready, etc., so he was giving you time (the one month) to see if by then you might be ready to DATE.

 

Don't contact him again - you WILL look like a psycho.

[SouthernT]

"Talking" and "Dating" are two different things?? We only went out once and that was just kinda hanging out and going to the mall and to eat.

 

ok so......

Was I the one in the wrong? After he said those things, should i have just sat back to see what happened next?

 

I'm asking questions so that i dont make the same mistake again. I feel like I ran him off, but I dont understand how I could have done that???

 

But i still feel like he just left me hangin because its has been a month now since we had that conversation.

[Art_Critic]

I think you need to chalk this one up to his error and learn from it.

He sounds like he was going to hurt you no matter what you would've done.

 

You seem self aware of yourself..You need to go out and date somebody else.. Look for patterns, if your next bf has issues with you that sound familiar then do more introspection.. but until then go out and enjoy life..

[Guest]

"Talking" and "Dating" are two different things??

 

I'm sorry but...is this a serious question, SouthernT?

 

They're definitely very different things.

 

If a guy were calling me multiple times a week for over a month but not asking me out, I'd figure that he has a girlfriend or something like that.

 

 

Was I the one in the wrong? After he said those things, should i have just sat back to see what happened next?

 

I'm asking questions so that i dont make the same mistake again. I feel like I ran him off, but I dont understand how I could have done that???

 

But i still feel like he just left me hangin because its has been a month now since we had that conversation.

 

Hon, based on your last conversation with him, I wouldn't expect him to call. And after telling you that 'you're trippin' and 'you're crazy', you shouldn't be taking his calls or responding to his TMs anyway. After saying that to you, if he calls...it will only be to see if he can get a piece of tail.

 

Whether or not you should have stood back and waited is not the issue here.

 

 

When he said "take it to the next level", he either meant date or have sex.

 

If he meant have sex:

 

Were you responding to him on the phone for those few weeks like you two were dating or something like that?

 

If he thought that you were feeling close to him simply by him calling a lot, then perhaps he was thinking that you might be feeling close enough to him to have sex with him.

 

Then, when you reacted like he was asking you if you might be interested in making some sort of commitment or something, he probably realized that you meant it when you said 'no casual sex'. And he was outta there.

 

If he meant date:

 

Him trying to plan ahead a month sounds to me like he has/had something going with someone else and that perhaps he saw it falling apart and maybe he was thinking that he'd call you then for a date.

 

Again, when you reacted like he was asking you if you might be interested in making some sort of commitment or something, he probably realized that you were thinking that things had been progressing between you and he wasn't on the same page.

[Grrlish]

"Talking" and "Dating" are two different things??

 

I'm sorry but...is this a serious question, SouthernT?

 

They're definitely very different things.

 

If a guy were calling me multiple times a week for over a month but not asking me out, I'd figure that he has a girlfriend or something like that.

 

Was I the one in the wrong? After he said those things, should i have just sat back to see what happened next?

 

I'm asking questions so that i dont make the same mistake again. I feel like I ran him off, but I dont understand how I could have done that???

 

But i still feel like he just left me hangin because its has been a month now since we had that conversation.

 

Hon, based on your last conversation with him, I wouldn't expect him to call. And after telling you that 'you're trippin' and 'you're crazy', you shouldn't be taking his calls or responding to his TMs anyway. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. After saying that to you, if he calls...it will only be to see if he can get a piece of tail.

 

Whether or not you should have stood back and waited is not the issue ere.

 

When he said "take it to the next level", he either meant date or have sex.

If he meant have sex:

 

Were you responding to him on the phone for those few weeks like you two were dating or something like that?

 

If he thought that you were feeling close to him simply by him calling a lot, then perhaps he was thinking that you might be feeling close enough to him to have sex with him.

 

Then, when you reacted like he was asking you if you might be interested in making some sort of commitment or something, he probably realized that you meant it when you said 'no casual sex'. And he was outta there.

 

If he meant date:

 

Him trying to plan ahead a month sounds to me like he has/had something going with someone else and that perhaps he saw it falling apart and maybe he was thinking that he'd call you then for a date. If he wanted to date you and wasn't involved with someone, he would have just asked you out.

 

Again, when you reacted like he was asking you if you might be interested in making some sort of commitment or something, he probably realized that you were thinking that things had been progressing between you and he wasn't on the same page.

 

I think you need to chalk this one up to his error and learn from it.

He sounds like he was going to hurt you no matter what you would've done.

 

You seem self aware of yourself..You need to go out and date somebody else.. Look for patterns, if your next bf has issues with you that sound familiar then do more introspection.. but until then go out and enjoy life..

 

I agree with Art Critic: It sounds like there was something 'wrong' here anyway. It's not YOUR fault.

 

And Art Critic gave some good advice for looking for patterns - in others, and in ourselves.

[SouthernT]

I'm sorry but...is this a serious question, SouthernT?

 

Yes that was a serious question. Believe it or not there are people out there who lived sheltered lives and are just now experiencing different aspects of dating.

 

So...yeah I'm new to the dating scene. Thanks for everyone's responses.

 

Its not a bad thing that I'm "self aware" is it? I think that is a good thing.

 

So bottom line....he's moved on and I should too I guess. Now I'm REALLY glad I never slept with him.

[Cougar_20]

He is probably a player that just wanted sex. You told him that you don't have casual sex, he thought taking it to the next level would equal sex, and when you hesitated he threw in the towel.

[SouthernT]

So let me get everyone's opinions on this:

 

When you meet someone new, how soon should you have a conversation about what each one of you are looking for individually? (i.e. relationship, casual dating....)Sometimes, just that question alone is enough to run a guy off.

 

Just wondering what everyone's input is on this....

[FolderWife]

Relationships should flow I think. Like, you should see a guy and like him, and talk to him, and like him more, and give him your number, and he should call, and you like him more, then he should ask you out, and you go out with him, and like him more, then he should call the next day, and you talk some more, and like him more, and after a month of kissing, and talking, and whatever else, you should know if he likes you.

 

Then, there will be no question of whether or not to have the "talk". Things just go naturally. It sounded like this guy was forcing things, because he talked about every step. Kissing and dating should come naturally...did you and he discuss how long it would be before you kissed? If you let things come, there is not stress. There should be a fire between you and someone, wherein you just know that they don't want to see anyone else, because you couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

 

why do people lable things? why do you have to be someone's "girlfriend"? Just date someone and talk to them on the phone, and when you feel in love with them, wait until you're ready, and tell them, or wait until they tell you, whatever. When they say they love you, THEN in my opinion, you are exclusive. There's no reason to schedule a meeting to discuss things. You will know if you let things happen.