Splodge Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Hi, I'm wondering if I can get some input from the ladies on this one. When you are with someone, in the early stages of the relationship (say 3 months), are you still on the lookout for a better guy and open to dating someone else if another guy you like asks you out? Also, is it normal to spend time alone regularly with another guy whilst you are in a relationship. For example, would you go on a night out (meal and drinks at a bar) alone with another guy whilst you were dating someone else, and would you spend a day at the weekend with another guy regularly? Assuming that the other guy is a friend but not a long-term/close friend, just someone you know to talk to. I'm wondering if this is normal for a woman to do this whilst being in a relationship - or whether she is still on the lookout for something better? Thanks, Splodge. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Depends on the girl. If the guy is a very good friend of hers, she may see nothing wrong with some of the above. For many girls/guys, a friend is a friend, regardless of gender. Also, have you two discussed exclusivity? If not, that might be the reason. Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 I generally do not date when I'm starting a new relationship. I will however hang out with my male friends without thinking twice. I am a huge sports nut, so I have many male friends that I hang out with at the sports bar every weekend. I recently had started a new relationship and I invited my new guy to the bar with me so he could meet my friends. I wanted him to feel comfortable knowing who they were... plus "my boys" were able to meet him and give me their opinion about him. He's not still around much, but my friends are still there... Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Hi, I'm wondering if I can get some input from the ladies on this one. When you are with someone, in the early stages of the relationship (say 3 months), are you still on the lookout for a better guy and open to dating someone else if another guy you like asks you out? Also, is it normal to spend time alone regularly with another guy whilst you are in a relationship. For example, would you go on a night out (meal and drinks at a bar) alone with another guy whilst you were dating someone else, and would you spend a day at the weekend with another guy regularly? Assuming that the other guy is a friend but not a long-term/close friend, just someone you know to talk to. I'm wondering if this is normal for a woman to do this whilst being in a relationship - or whether she is still on the lookout for something better? Thanks, Splodge. Either she loves you very much and then you dont need to worry or she does not love you so much and then you should.....no exclusivity talk (B.S.) will make it better, if she doesnt start with it, that it btw women are on look out all the time and they have no problem dating 5 guys in a row (system of backburners)....stay sharp Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 btw women are on look out all the time and they have no problem dating 5 guys in a row (system of backburners)....stay sharp Not all women... some of us like to devote getting to know them one at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Splodge Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 Sorry, I should have cleared this up... I'm the "other" guy she has been spending time with, alone, not with groups. I know she likes me, and that had the guy she is seeing not been around, I would have asked her out and I think she would have said yes. We are friends though work, not close friends. All I am wondering is, if she is just "making do" with this other guy? I have been told that before she got together with this guy she was dejected at the lack of male attention and she met him via online dating. ps - I have asked her how serious she is about this other guy, to which she replied "depends on the defintion of serious"... Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 If you were just a friend, yea... no different to me that going out with a girl. Now if she's not telling her boyfriend that you two are meeting up, that might raise a flag. But I wouldn't read too much into it just yet. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Hi, I'm wondering if I can get some input from the ladies on this one. When you are with someone, in the early stages of the relationship (say 3 months), are you still on the lookout for a better guy and open to dating someone else if another guy you like asks you out? Also, is it normal to spend time alone regularly with another guy whilst you are in a relationship. For example, would you go on a night out (meal and drinks at a bar) alone with another guy whilst you were dating someone else, and would you spend a day at the weekend with another guy regularly? Assuming that the other guy is a friend but not a long-term/close friend, just someone you know to talk to. I'm wondering if this is normal for a woman to do this whilst being in a relationship - or whether she is still on the lookout for something better? Thanks, Splodge. Well for me once I'm in a relationship thats it. I don't go around looking for someone else as a backup or date other guys. It I'm with him I am. Plan and simple. I think you should talk to her and see where you both are in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Sorry, I should have cleared this up... I'm the "other" guy she has been spending time with, alone, not with groups. I know she likes me, and that had the guy she is seeing not been around, I would have asked her out and I think she would have said yes. We are friends though work, not close friends. All I am wondering is, if she is just "making do" with this other guy? I have been told that before she got together with this guy she was dejected at the lack of male attention and she met him via online dating. ps - I have asked her how serious she is about this other guy, to which she replied "depends on the defintion of serious"... Well, we can't read her mind, so we don't know what she's thinking/feeling about the guy she's dating. I think the better question to ask her is whether or not they are exclusive and/or whether or not she considers him her boyfriend. The right thing to do: If she says she's exclusive/has a BF, say nothing more. The thing to do if you want her to be yours: Tell her that you're bummed she's dating him, that you missed your chance to ask her out... Link to post Share on other sites
freckles73 Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 For perspective, how old are you both? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 i have learned to ask that right away - whether they are seeing others, i am finding out that what i do [1st date - exclusive] is extremely rare - i must be a freak Link to post Share on other sites
Author Splodge Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 We are both 26. In a nutshell it goes like this: - She likes me peronsality-wise and is physically attracted to me - I've read the signs and others have told me so. - She was dropping hints that I missed at first, and began seeing another guy. I believe she was desperate for some male attention at this point. - She still carries on with the hints and we have also been spending time alone together on weekends. (Never a date). She stated she enjoys spending time with me. I think she is with this guy for some fun and thats it... The deal now is - she likes me, I like her, she is seeing this guy, I want to ask her out, I can't work out how serious they are together. Should I talk to her about it, ask her out anyway or leave her be with him? Link to post Share on other sites
freckles73 Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Okay, so you're both 26. Both old enough not to play games. Don't tip-toe around it. Just ask her. Find out the truth before you get too invested and get your heart broken. Most women, myself included, find confidence and straight-forwardness very attractive. Don't be a pushover. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Splodge Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 Okay, so you're both 26. Both old enough not to play games. Don't tip-toe around it. Just ask her. Find out the truth before you get too invested and get your heart broken. Most women, myself included, find confidence and straight-forwardness very attractive. Don't be a pushover. Thanks freckles, You are right I need to talk to her about it. Either that or let it go, which I'm not prepared to do. So how do I approach this? We have agreed to a night out alone after New Year, I think this is a good time to talk. Do I just ask her to go out again but on a "date"? Or do I ask her what the deal is with her and this guy and let her know that I want to take her out on a "date"? Link to post Share on other sites
freckles73 Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 The latter. But only after you find out the answer to the first part do you mention the date part, and only if she gives you the right answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Splodge Posted December 21, 2006 Author Share Posted December 21, 2006 Ok, so how do I put the question to her? How do I phrase it? Sorry, but I've never had to do this before I need talking through it if you could be so kind ps - I have talked to her about him before. I asked her how serious it is - she said "depends on what you mean by serious". I asked her lightheartedly if it's "just a bit of fun". She smiled and said "yeah", so I don't know how genuine it she meant it. Link to post Share on other sites
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