Addicted to New Men

[Hi Powered]

well i thought i would give this a go, i hope its secure.

i have an issue. I cannot settle down. I have constantly dated me, serious relationships etc.

 

Things have gone wrong, like they do so now im settling into the "i dont care mode".

 

i have dated a new man each month, this year.9 times out of 10 we get close. I love the thrill of a new man. the calls, the emails, meeting etc. After we meet a few times the thrill dies down and we lose contact. Because I dont have time to build up the relationship and im so damaged from the previous relationships where i gave it everything and it didnt work ( too many times), i think that this method will work for me.

 

Problem is, when we lose contact, its partly because the man isnt chasing anymore. I am left feeliing pretty rejected even though technically no rejection took place.

 

I think I am in control because I think I am using him as much as he is using me, yet i feel worse off.

 

I also think this addiction may be dangerous. what if one of these men turns nasty>

 

Have any of you felt like this? Going through life with 1 partner after another. casual but not one night stands. a level of understanding but nothing too deep?

 

I'm safe - i take precautions but im going through too many men? is this too many? I didnt plan this but it seems better then spending weekends alone.

 

i need your honest view on my behaviour. Is this wrong, or is it a case of no harm done?

[SmoochieFace]

My view is that ANY addiction is dangerous - be it men, women, shopping, gambling, drink, drugs, etc. Perhaps you may want to consider exploring the reasons behind your addiction in the hopes of dealing with it.

 

I have never felt the way you have described so I really have nothing more to add. Sorry.

[so gutted]

what exactly do you do with them each time??

[norajane]

Sounds like you're getting addicted to the chase, holding back on developing feelings, and then having sex with them early on in the relationship without there being much of bond...so the guys drift off (reject you).

 

If you end up feeling rejected each time, then no, this isn't good for you. Your self-esteem takes a beating, and you'll start to believe you can't have a good relationship with anyone, or don't deserve one, or whatever.

 

Sometimes, it is better to spend some time alone on the weekends rather than serial dating/f*cking.

 

Out of the 10 or 11 men you've been with this year, haven't any of them been men you'd like to get to know on a deeper level? No one you wanted to hang out with? If not, you're choosing men that are just time-fillers.

 

Just because you were in relationships that ended in heartbreak in the past, doesn't mean you should go in the opposite direction and just date short-timers. Maybe some time alone might help. Maybe giving one of these guys a chance to develop into something will show you that not all relationships end in disaster.

[Yamaha]

The problem with dating many men for a short time is you don't develop a close relationship with anyone and isn't that the desired outcome of a relationship?

You must not like the situation otherwise you would not be concerned enough to post a question here on a forum of strangers.

I would ask you the question in reverse.

 

Are you happy with dating many men and not developing a close, serious relationship?

 

Will the pain of emotions cause you to continue this avenue or will you take a chance at some point and see if you can want more?

[distant__nebulae]

Your story reminds me of a specific situation I had. There may be some paralells to you and this girl.

 

I met this girl, had three dates. I was actually starting to dig her. On the third date, I went to her house to watch movies, and she fell asleep in my arms. When the movie was over, I woke her up to go to bed because we both had to work in the morning. She asked me to spend the night, and I nicely declined as I had to work early. I gave her a nice kiss and hug goodnight.

 

Two days later I get a text message from her: "sorry I have not called you but I met someone else and I really like him".

 

So we had no contact for some time, then she texts me out of the blue again. So I tell her to call me, and when she does, we make plans to hang out. I got to thinking about it and I called her back and declined, and she started crying. So I never talked to her again.

 

I can see situations like this happening to you, based on what you described.

 

My best advice to you if you want a great man:

 

Take your time and don't put a timeframe on sex. If it happens on the third date, fine. If not, do not use this as a basis to your own self worth. I see this as a common pitfall of many women.