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My boyfriend doesn't care enough so I want to hurt him back


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My bf returned from a 3 week business trip yesterday. We spent the whole day together but at night he left for another 1 week trip. He called from the airport and I heard a girl in the background who he asked to go with him for business. There will be a lot of spare time and days in the one week when he will be able to sightsee and have fun. He didn't ask me to go along on either trip and I am feeling fed up about this. His next trip is in a couple of months and he will be going without me on that one too.

 

Should I break up over this? It makes me feel like he doesn't care about me as much as he should if he is able to be away and not bother to take me along, but he made sure the other girl had her expenses paid so she could go along. I was suspicious at first but I do believe their relationship is strictly business even though on the speaker phone before he let her know I was with him when he had called to ask her to go along she said she was single without a boyfriend, before he asked her. It was the first thing out of her mouth!

 

I feel so hurt right now. What should I tell him when he gets back as far as breaking up? I want him to feel the same amount of pain I've been feeling, so he can regret how he has been neglecting me. I know he loves me so I don't want it to be mean-spirited, but I do want to hurt him back. It might make me feel better. Please help me!

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justagirlforever

Have you actually spoken to him about this and asked him why he hasn't asked you along? Or indicated that you might like to or would be interested?

Communication is key to all relationships. You can't just break up like that without talking about it first. Why would you want to hurt him when he hasn't done anything wrong? Why would you want to hurt him anyway - full stop?

Tit for tat and spite never works.

 

Speak to him :-)

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My bf returned from a 3 week business trip yesterday. We spent the whole day together but at night he left for another 1 week trip. He called from the airport and I heard a girl in the background who he asked to go with him for business. There will be a lot of spare time and days in the one week when he will be able to sightsee and have fun. He didn't ask me to go along on either trip and I am feeling fed up about this. His next trip is in a couple of months and he will be going without me on that one too.

 

Should I break up over this? It makes me feel like he doesn't care about me as much as he should if he is able to be away and not bother to take me along, but he made sure the other girl had her expenses paid so she could go along. I was suspicious at first but I do believe their relationship is strictly business even though on the speaker phone before he let her know I was with him when he had called to ask her to go along she said she was single without a boyfriend, before he asked her. It was the first thing out of her mouth!

 

I feel so hurt right now. What should I tell him when he gets back as far as breaking up? I want him to feel the same amount of pain I've been feeling, so he can regret how he has been neglecting me. I know he loves me so I don't want it to be mean-spirited, but I do want to hurt him back. It might make me feel better. Please help me!

 

Did he use to ask you to go on trips with him? If thats the case, then perhaps he is taking you and the relationship for granted. He is not trying as hard as he use to, or maybe he is losing interest in you.

 

That is sort of weird what that girl said right away. She may be interested in your BF.

 

If you are intent on breaking up, then just be honest with him about everything. Breaking up with him is the worst kind of pain that you can inflict on him IMO.

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You need to talk to him. Open, honest communication. If you can't do that, then you have NO right to cause him any kind of harm.

 

I do think you two need to break up though. It's not a healthy relationship, and I doubt either of you are very happy in it.

 

But don't intentionally harm someone when you won't even take the barest steps to communicate that you have a problem. This is as much your fault as it is his.

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No you don't want to be getting people back. It's doesn't do any good.

 

But I want to know is why he went with another women instead of you? That would really ticked me off and he should no better then that. Who cares if there just business. It's him with another women. I don't know maybe some people don't mind that but I do.

 

I would talk to him first before breaking up with him if you decide and make sure your doing it for the right reasons.

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Have you actually spoken to him about this and asked him why he hasn't asked you along? Or indicated that you might like to or would be interested?

I'm not going to stoop that low. The whole point is that if HE wanted me with him he'd have asked. I'm not about to invite myself or tell him to.

 

 

Did he use to ask you to go on trips with him? If thats the case, then perhaps he is taking you and the relationship for granted. He is not trying as hard as he use to, or maybe he is losing interest in you.

No, he never asked me along. We used to be together in the past too and he never did and it didn't really bother me. However, he had told me he was going to take me on his last trip but then didn't so after looking forward to it and then not going, ever since then I feel a lot of anger and resentment.

 

That is sort of weird what that girl said right away. She may be interested in your BF.

Yes, apparently they had not spoken in some time. He called and she was happy to hear from him, first thing that comes out of her mouth is that she's single and doesn't have a boyfriend, then followed it up with why doesn't he find her one. Then he tells her I'm with him on the speakerphone, invites her on the trip, she is basically shreiking with happiness and I started to cry. It is a very luxurious trip with limo rides, first class flight, top notch hotel and all that. Yes, they're in the same field and he could benefit from her so I have come to terms with it. It's just that he got that happy reaction from her and not me and he's ok with that. It makes me feel miserable. And yes, she may be interested in him. Most women are but after getting suspicious, I know at the end of the day he will be faithful so that doesn't concern me as much as the simple fact he wouldn't want me along. I could pay for my own way if it came down to that but he doesn't even offer, like it's "all business."

 

If you are intent on breaking up, then just be honest with him about everything. Breaking up with him is the worst kind of pain that you can inflict on him IMO.

What about the pain he has been inflicting on me? He's the one traveling about having fun without me while I cry and feel miserable. I can't force him to want me and I am not going to have him take me along just because I am upset about it. He should initiate it on his own. I don't want to spill my guts about this then break up. He'll respond with he'll take me next time but it's too late, he can't take all the pain back and I want him to feel like I'm feeling and the only way is by breaking up.

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You need to talk to him. Open, honest communication. If you can't do that, then you have NO right to cause him any kind of harm.

 

I do think you two need to break up though. It's not a healthy relationship, and I doubt either of you are very happy in it.

 

But don't intentionally harm someone when you won't even take the barest steps to communicate that you have a problem. This is as much your fault as it is his.

 

Only a robot wouldn't sense how I am feeling. I flat out told him I was going to be sad that he's leaving again. His response? "well when is your next appointment with the therapist." SCREW THAT. I want him to HURT like I am.

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No you don't want to be getting people back. It's doesn't do any good.

 

But I want to know is why he went with another women instead of you? That would really ticked me off and he should no better then that. Who cares if there just business. It's him with another women. I don't know maybe some people don't mind that but I do.

 

I would talk to him first before breaking up with him if you decide and make sure your doing it for the right reasons.

 

Deep down I do mind it but I am being strong and mature by telling myself it's just business so I won't even focus on that. Otherwise I will feel way worse and I can't handle that right now.

 

And yes at this point I really do want to get him back, I think it will make me feel better. He bent over backwards to get me back and now he takes me for granted. He will go nuts when I break up so I want to know what the best way to do it is without him hating me. I only want to make him regret and feel the hurt he's caused me.

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FUN, focus on you, you and you! Don't put as much energy into your relationship with him. Let him do his thing, and take a more casual approach to things with him UNTIL he starts making more effort to be with you - And invite you along on one of his business trips.

 

I know this is hard on you, but don't let him or what he isn't doing get to you. (I know, easier said than done.) You need to be happy with other parts of your life so when he isn't around you don't fall apart so much.

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What about the pain he has been inflicting on me? He's the one traveling about having fun without me while I cry and feel miserable. I can't force him to want me and I am not going to have him take me along just because I am upset about it. He should initiate it on his own. I don't want to spill my guts about this then break up. He'll respond with he'll take me next time but it's too late, he can't take all the pain back and I want him to feel like I'm feeling and the only way is by breaking up.

 

Just remember that two wrongs will not make a right. So ease the pain that he has given you. Break up with him and move on. Be the better person and walk away. You won't accomplish anything if you purposely want to go and hurt him in some other way.

 

So don't go into detail about the trips and all that. Just tell him that you have been unhappy for quite some time and that you don't want to feel the pain anymore, so you are ending things.

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Only a robot wouldn't sense how I am feeling. I flat out told him I was going to be sad that he's leaving again. His response? "well when is your next appointment with the therapist." SCREW THAT. I want him to HURT like I am.

 

You want to hurt him? Then end this craziness once and for all. Break up with him! You don't need crap like that from him. He isn't being supportive, and FUN, he's an IDIOT! I swear, you're better off without him.

 

Break up and go FULL no contact.

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You want to hurt him? Then end this craziness once and for all. Break up with him! You don't need crap like that from him. He isn't being supportive, and FUN, he's an IDIOT! I swear, you're better off without him.

 

Break up and go FULL no contact.

 

Thank you. I just need full support to do it. I mean he called me once he boarded the plane and I could hear the girl laughing in the background. I think that was the last straw. He had given me the impression after I cried the night he invited her that she couldn't go after all. Then we never brought it about again and when she had left him a voicemail he never callled back while I was with him. And then the last time I hear from him before he takes off and the girl is laughing in the background while I'm sitting here wondering what they are doing in an exotic country for a fun business trip together, while he again in our last phone conversation said to make sure I talk to the therapist because I don't sound too happy!

 

So no, I'm not going to spill it out to the fullest and literally tell him all my feelings when he's acting so ignorant about them. I want to know what to tell him though. Something good so at least I will feel better knowing I have that to look forward to tell him once he gets back all happy. Screw that, I'm so mad and angry I need help what to tell him to hurt him back.

 

So far I show him how depressed and sad I am. He calls late his time zone where he travels, early evening where I am. I always make sure i'm home to take his calls so he sees I am sitting around waiting for him. I bend over backwards not to make him jealous otherwise I know he does. I do so much yet he takes me for granted I think because I do do so much. Now my stragedy should be maybe to show him I'm happy and don't care? I need help!

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Now my stragedy should be maybe to show him I'm happy and don't care? I need help!

 

This shouldn't matter if you are going to break up with him.

 

From what I have read on your posts, breaking up with him is the best idea for you. Sure it will hurt alot at first, but after a while you will feel better and you be glad that you broke up with him.

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he made sure the other girl had her expenses paid so she could go along.

 

He had given me the impression after I cried the night he invited her that she couldn't go after all. Then we never brought it about again and ......... the last time I hear from him before he takes off and the girl is laughing in the background

 

I trust you asked him if the laughter in the back ground was from the girl he said he wasn't bringing, or he specificially said it was her, right? You aren't just assuming because you heard a female laugh in the back ground that it's "the girl". He told you it was, right? Or you asked?

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My bf returned from a 3 week business trip yesterday. We spent the whole day together but at night he left for another 1 week trip. He called from the airport and I heard a girl in the background who he asked to go with him for business. There will be a lot of spare time and days in the one week when he will be able to sightsee and have fun. He didn't ask me to go along on either trip and I am feeling fed up about this. His next trip is in a couple of months and he will be going without me on that one too.

 

Should I break up over this? It makes me feel like he doesn't care about me as much as he should if he is able to be away and not bother to take me along, but he made sure the other girl had her expenses paid so she could go along. I was suspicious at first but I do believe their relationship is strictly business even though on the speaker phone before he let her know I was with him when he had called to ask her to go along she said she was single without a boyfriend, before he asked her. It was the first thing out of her mouth!

 

I feel so hurt right now. What should I tell him when he gets back as far as breaking up? I want him to feel the same amount of pain I've been feeling, so he can regret how he has been neglecting me. I know he loves me so I don't want it to be mean-spirited, but I do want to hurt him back. It might make me feel better. Please help me!

 

 

you may not understand this right now...but believe me from experience...dignity is the best revenge. ;)

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in our last phone conversation said to make sure I talk to the therapist because I don't sound too happy!

 

You won't talk to him, so what else is he supposed to say? All I read in that is he realized you needed someone to talk to, you won't talk to him, so he suggested you talk to the therapist. One second you're screaming that he's not being supportive because he says you don't need a therapist. Next your screaming he's not being supportive because he suggests you talk to your therapist. WHat the heck do you want from him?

 

The worst part... if you do dump him, you'll expect him to call you a million and one times, in which you'll feel vindicated and egotistical. Sucking in the attention like a starved child. And if he doesn't call you.. you'll fall into hysterics and try everything in your power to recapture his attention. You'll start calling and calling him, over and over, just to get him to acknolwedge you.

 

It's your MO Fun. You do this every time. If he doesn't react by calling and begging you to come back, then it's going to drive you insane and you'll start damn near stalking him to get him to acknolwedge your existence.

 

if you're going to break up with him, do it because your needs aren't being met. Do it because you don't enjoy being alone 90% of the time. Do it because you feel you would be a better person.

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You won't talk to him, so what else is he supposed to say? All I read in that is he realized you needed someone to talk to, you won't talk to him, so he suggested you talk to the therapist. One second you're screaming that he's not being supportive because he says you don't need a therapist. Next your screaming he's not being supportive because he suggests you talk to your therapist. WHat the heck do you want from him?

 

The worst part... if you do dump him, you'll expect him to call you a million and one times, in which you'll feel vindicated and egotistical. Sucking in the attention like a starved child. And if he doesn't call you.. you'll fall into hysterics and try everything in your power to recapture his attention. You'll start calling and calling him, over and over, just to get him to acknolwedge you.

 

It's your MO Fun. You do this every time. If he doesn't react by calling and begging you to come back, then it's going to drive you insane and you'll start damn near stalking him to get him to acknolwedge your existence.

 

if you're going to break up with him, do it because your needs aren't being met. Do it because you don't enjoy being alone 90% of the time. Do it because you feel you would be a better person.

 

 

Now you're confusing me Walk. I feel like I'm trying to explain it my way but you're reading into how I am and it scares me to read your post. I guess I have to admit your description is correct as embarassing as it is but I am desperate and I need to give him a wake up call at the expense I will lose him on bad terms.

 

Last time he went I missed my night classes for a whole week and made up a sick excuse to the teacher so my grade wouldn't be affected. Now my class starts in a few minutes and I'm still at home feeling awful about him leaving me all over again.

 

He just left a message for me, I didn't know it was him since he's calling from an international line so I didn't answer the phone. He arrived a few hours ago. Instead of telling me about his flight which I'm sure he had fun on with whoever else, he sounded a little serious and said he hopes I'm doing find and that I called the therapist! The therapist had scheduled for next week instead of our session this week which would've been for today since he is traveling and my bf told me to call him today to request a phone session. I am not going to do that, so he asked if I had.

 

He even threatened to call the therapist himself if I didn't and I got mad at him about it. I swear sometimes you just want to get comfort an let your baggage out on your SO, not a therapist. The more he wants me to see him, the more I am resisting the idea even though I had the most wonderful experience with him. It's like he doesn't want bf duties and is handing me over to someone else. Jesus I am so mad right now and feeling so hurt and confused. I regretted missing my classes last time so even though I don't feeel like going I will go right now maybe it will take my mind off of him for a few hours.

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I trust you asked him if the laughter in the back ground was from the girl he said he wasn't bringing, or he specificially said it was her, right? You aren't just assuming because you heard a female laugh in the back ground that it's "the girl". He told you it was, right? Or you asked?

 

No why would I ask to sound like a jealous gf for? I did recognize her voice though because it was the same laugh I heard on the speaker phone when he told her about the trip.

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you may not understand this right now...but believe me from experience...dignity is the best revenge. ;)

 

Can you expand on that? How will I leave him with dignity yet hurt him at the same time? That's what I want to find out. Hope to get some good responses for when i get back from my class in a few hrs. thnx.

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You can't hurt anybody that's indifferent. It's just not worth your energy. I hope you don't grind your teeth together.

 

Honestly, he's treating you like dirt. Come and give me a cuddle.

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Now you're confusing me Walk. I feel like I'm trying to explain it my way but you're reading into how I am and it scares me to read your post. I guess I have to admit your description is correct as embarassing as it is but I am desperate and I need to give him a wake up call at the expense I will lose him on bad terms.

I'm not trying to embarress you Fun, but I've seen enough of your posts to see a definite pattern.

 

No matter what you do, it won't get the satisfaction you say you want. If you do hurt him, you'll never know. The best you could ever do is assume he's hurt. He won't tell you.

 

Maybe you could just tell him that you're upset he brought the other girl and didn't tell you? That'd be a huge wake up call to him. If he did bring her, it'd place the fear of god into him.

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How will I leave him with dignity yet hurt him at the same time? That's what I want to find out. Hope to get some good responses for when i get back from my class in a few hrs. thnx.

 

DO you have the inner strength to pull this off? You can do this one of two ways.

 

1)Just end it by telling him "You make me feel bad and I'm not happy with you anymore. It's over." then go FULL NO CONTACT. Never to see/speak to him again.

 

2)Leave a note at his house, on his bed. Tell him it's over and tell him NEVER to call you again.

 

I'm not too sure if you can walk away from him like that, but it will stop and make him think. And probably hurt him.

 

Which is going to be better - You ending with him or him with you? Which is the less of the two evils? I just say this because I can see the writing on the wall by how he is treating you and acting around you. It's only a matter of time before it ends, so you might as well be the one who ends it, FUN.

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It's only a matter of time before it ends,

Sure...everyone will die eventually. That applies to any relationship where you don't "go down together."

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