Unbalanced friendship!

[GalacticShadow]

Hi all!

I kind of need to vent a situation that is consuming a lot of my emotional energy. It´s kind a pathetic situation that I put myself in to, and I know this, nonetheless, I still fell the need to vent and see if I can once and for all, get this crap out of my chest! I have to warn you guys and gals that this is a very long drama post, beware! Sigh...

 

Around three years ago, I met a girl and we became great friends, but the problem was that I started to develop feelings for her with time. When I discovered that I liked her more than a friend, I told her . She didn´t reciprocate, and a few weeks later, she started to talk about a male friend that she didn´t talk to anymore. Altough she said she only thought of him as a friend, I felt that it was something more. A few weeks later, he starts to speak with her again and she finally admits that she had feelings for him. I decided to stay even though a part of me warned me not to. I wasn´t going to quit so soon and lose a girl I really liked.

 

The months started to pass and she would one day be talking to him, the other day they would fight and stop talking. They even stoped talking for a few months. She even told me once out of the blue that she saw him in the street, but didn´t feel those feelings that she had before. But, another few months later, they started talking again and she wanted to go out with him to see what she felt. I was getting frustrated so I made a mistake and crossed her boundaries. She snaped at me and said to forget her once and for all. I was hurt but she was right and I started to distance myself from her.

 

Time passed, and she never told me if they went out, the only last thing I know is that they fought yet again and she never talked about him again.

 

Like I said, I was trying to distance myself from her and trying to continue my life, but suddenly she starts sending me stuff like postcards, cds she copied for me and also started talking with me more often, and being more sweat than normal. And one day she starts crying and saying that she regrets alot pushing me away from her, that if she didn´t did that, things would be alot diferent today with us! She also said she needed me alot. It was like a dream. She said things I wanted to hear, I was happy, but... suddenly a few weeks later, she started treating me like just a friend again, and I got confused.

 

The vicious cicle began... she would say stuff and treat like I was special to her but when I got to close she would push me back and treat me just like a friend. I started to regret falling for her, if only I stoped having feelings for her, we could have a regular friendship, or so I thought. I started to feel guilty and bad every time she rejected me indirectly.

 

On day I realized that if I continued living like this, I was just going to suffer even more. Some other guy would come in to her life and I would be "left behind". I would be the ultimate fool! This time I really was resolute, and didn´t let her "sweetness", get me. I would just laugh inside the bs she would try and feed me, and continue to move on with my life. But It didn´t matter how much time I tried to keep away with her, once she managed to get me again, I felt back at square one. I wanted to continue with me life but I just couldn´t! I felt trapped! I was getting desperate and my self-esteem was getting lower and lower.

 

Around June of last year, she gave me another sign that she wasn´t interested in me, she said the she wished she could have fallen in love with me. I sighed and told her that was ok, you really can´t pick who you fall in love with, and moved away yet again.

 

Around September, she gave me the usual speach that she gives when she feels I´m distant from her. I didn´t tell her how I felt beacause I didn´t want to get false hope again. Unfortunately, my self-esteem was so low that I did want she wanted, I became closer to her again.

 

A few weaks later, she acted very suspicious, she was very brief in our interactions. A few weaks earlier she complained that I was very distant, didn´t tell her nothing about me, was very brief with her, now she was being brief with me. Days later I discoverd why. She sent me a text message saying that her prince charming finally arrived and that they were getting close. I was in a relief in one hand and a state of chock in the other. I said that now that she met her boyfriend, I had to take a vacation from her. She didn´t like it, and said the she started to regret telling me about him because she thought she was losing me, and that they weren´t a couple, that she only wanted me to know they were getting close and she was happy about it.

 

Three weaks passed and I came back, she took awhile to answear my text message, but when she did, she said that they were a couple but she would never forget me, I was her great friend.

 

After this I tried to avoid her like the plague. Didn´t answer the phone, only answeared her messages when needed and in a way that she didn´t know what was going on.

 

January came along and I decided that it was time to do a NC. I gathered the little self-esteem that I had and told her that I couldn´t be apart of her life anymore. She didn´t like this, and cried but said she respected my decision and hoped that one day I would return.

 

A few weaks later, she started sending messages, saying that she was devastated, that she would do anything to get me talking to her again. I managed to hang on for around for four months, and was finally able to work on my issues as a "nice guy" , but... I caved in, in part because I was getting tired of the messages and just wanted her to stop saying she was devasted and also because I wanted closure from her. Wanted to know why she didn´t leave me alone! I warned her though, that things wouldn´t be like they were in the past and that I was only going to be temporary "with her".

 

Supposedly acording to her, I´m her best friend and I´m the person she trusts the most... sigh...

She now wants to go out with me... It was always me that cared about this, making plans to go out together. But now suddenly she wants to take me to take a walk with her in a park... the same park that she´s been with her boyfriend. I said no... I just don´t trust her, I think she doesn´t have "noble" intentions.

I see now that not even closure she´s going to give me! She starting to do the same things she always does. She keeps screwing with me mind!

She said that one day she was going to come to my house... of course after finding the way from her house to her boyfriend´s house by car. Lucky me! Apperently he and I are almost neighbours. Oh Joy..

 

I know that I was the one that chose to suffer when I didn´t do the right thing for me, I don´t deny that. I´m just pissed at how someone who supposedly is me friend could have used me so much! She´s the one who benefited the most with this "friendship". It was a Win situation for her and a Lose situation for me. And even though she is with him, she wants me too! But because of "being" with her, I couldn´t be with other women, not even to have a casual romantic relansionship. I lost so much time for something that isn´t real... not even a real friendship!

 

This is my story, basically a classic "nice guy" story!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[twkvfx]

i'm in the same situation as you are. in our lives, we gain friends and eventually we lose them. a member called Tim'sangel says that it's best to focus on making new friends and leave behind the ones that we've lost. it's a struggle, and i'm also going through with this aswell. what happened to your relationship with your friends?

[GalacticShadow]

Well Andy, I kind of drifted apart from my friends. The last two years or so, was a dark period in my life. Like I said in my post, I felt trapped, guilty and emotionally exausted because of this girl. I just didn´t know what to do. And because of this, I drifted apart from them.

 

Fortunately the mistake I made relating to my friends is easily rectified.

[GalacticShadow]

I wasn´t expecting to post more about this issue, but unfortunately, it looks like I was wrong.

 

So I caved in after four months, thinking that maybe I´ll at least get closure on this...

 

She knows I suffered because of her yet again, but she doesn´t want to let me go! I don´t contact her, it´s usually her that tries to contact me. I only respond because I said I wouldn´t ignore her, but I also said that things weren´t going to be like they were before.

 

She sent me a message on Monday saying she went on a vacation with her female friend, I was going to respond but then I thought why should I? I didn´t feal like it, and she´s just a friend, I don´t have the obligation to repond to every message she sends me.

 

Today, she sends me another message saying that I was acting strange and that I would have no friends if I continued acting that way. I interpreted this as she trying to pull my emotional strings, so I didn´t give in and responded in a "funny" way. She then sent me another message saying that friends should be cherished and the more friends the better, and that if I treat my friends as I treat her, she wouldn´t be surprised if I had none.

 

What that hell is wrong with her?! Can´t a guy have a bit of space without these kind of demands?

 

I took alot of chances when I came back and talked to her again, and now she comes with these kind of stunts?

 

When we talked in msn, in the middle of our talk, I had to go do something, when I came back, she had a foto of her boyfrind displayed. She quickly changed it back to her foto . The second time we talked, she "caught" me there when I was going to talk to another friend. And yet again, she changed for a few seconds her display picture, this time for another foto of her, in a sexy pose.

 

Am I being unreasonable in wanting space for me, to finally continue to move on with me life? Am I being unreasonable, guys and gals?

[Guest]

You have been more than fare.

What's her game, she doesn't even know.

So how then can you figure it out.

She It seems want's the best of any situation

without the commitment.

[GalacticShadow]

We exchanged text messages unexpectedly Sunday between 12:00 am and 4:00 am and we were honest with each other. She said that she didn´t like who I was becoming, that I ignored her, didn´t want to talk to her about some subjects, was too ironic and cold! I said what did she expect, I was hurt alot and talking about some subjects with her, really hurt. To this she said that she had a ideia how I suffered and if the way I treated her was way to protect myself, I was being sucesfull but in the process I was hurting her. I responded that she had no ideia how much I suffered and that I was distancing myself from her to do the right thing for me and to do want she wanted, I would have to suffer again and I didn´t wanted to go trough that again. Finally she said then that maybe we shouldn´t talk anymore since we hurt each other so much, that although I brought alot of good things to her life, she regrets it because she made me suffer alot.

 

A few minutes later she sends me another message, saying that she would rather have a void in her heart than to continue to hurt me and the thing that hurts her is losing me forever and that she lost me for someone that will never be what I was to her.

 

I said my goodbyes and she responded with a crying emoticon!

 

All I can say is... Damnit... DAAMMNNN! That message about the void, can mean alot but it can also mean nothing. I just can´t get closure on this...

 

By the way, to the person who responded, thanks.