Jump to content

Why do some women like ostracizing others?


Recommended Posts

I seem to fall into two camps;

 

I am either very well liked by a group and they are all my friends....or NONE of them like me.

 

I've found in my lifetime that most groups of females seem to have a 'leader' and it's the 'leader' who determines whether I will be liked or not.

 

Not all 'leaders' are bitchy women, but are usually pretty outgoing and gregarious, popular sorts.

 

At my current job, the most outgoing woman is actually my friend and we talk a lot, spend time together and I find I am very well liked by everyone of course.

 

At a past job, the most outgoing woman didn't like me much and I found the other women didn't talk to me much. If they did act friendly, it was almost like they did it only when they were sure no one was around to see them being friendly.

 

My question is this; I thought high school was over with. Why do I find now that women in their 20's and 30's still like to play the 'we're cool and you're not' game?

 

I've been on both sides of the popularity game. It really sucks when you're not 'in' and it doesn't seem to be based on anything other than what one or two 'leaders' think of you.

 

Really sucks.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sadly, some people never grow up. But you wouldn't really want to associate with the sort of people who play those childish games anyway, would you? If you don't find anyone more mature where you work, don't let it worry you. Spend time with your own friends and don't count on work to provide your social connections.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

I live in Latin America and I've learned a lot about our gender in this last year-women here are either very lovely and open and warm and transparent OR outright mean and nasty and complicated and bitchy:they will humiliate you in front of a lot of people and make blatant moves on your man. I think it is an ancient instinct for women to protect themselves from those they feel threatened by. One must learn to steer clear of that behavior and appreciate the few, true, friends your blessed with having. My mom always said we make our real and lasting friends in college and high school ( which may be 2 or3 total), the rest are bonus.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to think about why some women are the way the are, but now I don't give a rat's snicker. I'm older and I don't care if I'm accepted or not. Being popular and well-liked are not priorities.

 

Whatever you do, don't compromise who YOU are just to fit in with the 'popular' crowd because superficial isn't cool.

 

Hang in there you're bound to find someone who shares the same thoughts and values about friendship ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06

I've wondered the same thing about women and girls. It is all about them feeling threatened of you having the spot light. I have had friends who were very competitive and get jealous easily. Well I stopped attatching my self to those types of friendships and realize groups of girls can be very brutal. Pathetic, their loss though. I don't get jealous of other girls( woman ) unless It had to do with a boy. Anything else I'm pretty confident in so I could care less how much preetier or " better" someone is.

Link to post
Share on other sites
My question is this; I thought high school was over with. Why do I find now that women in their 20's and 30's still like to play the 'we're cool and you're not' game?

 

Insecurity, I think. There are times I feel as if I'm getting bad vibes from another woman, then once I get talking to her I'll find that she's actually just a bit shy and reserved. It's so easy to jump to conclusions about other people and assume that they don't like you, but sometimes it's got nothing to do with you and everything to do with that person's basic temperament...or, sometimes it's just that there's crap that's going on in their life which translates into apparently unfriendly or standoffish behaviour.

 

Once you form that view that someone has a problem with you, then it can affect your behaviour....making you more withdrawn, or having a tendency to clam up whenever that person comes into the room. They pick that up, and mutual tensions develop. So it's best to focus on your behaviour - rather than theirs - and ensure you're not doing anything that encourages tensions to develop.

 

That said, some people are just hostile twats....and if they suspect that you give a rat's arse what they think, then they'll be only to happy to ruin your day. The obvious solution is to not care what they think....but to carry on being as friendly as you feel like being. You can't dictate how people are going to treat you, but you can develop a filter for that treatment so that it doesn't throw you off poise, and you can also ensure that it doesn't have an impact on your own behaviour.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...