I don't understand men; enlighten me!

[Sadistic_Life]

Okay, so I have been friends with this guy for a few months now, and we have become really close. I don't have a relationship with my father, I have never dated (I actually thought I might be a lesbian for a few years), and I trust VERY few men. However, I do trust him very much. Okay, so here's the situation:

 

Well, Thursday we were supposed to go out and talk about our "relationship." However, I couldn't make it due to work, so I call him and left a voice message, saying, "Sorry I couldn't make it, you know I love you, but I had to work over;" course by "love," I meant plutonic love.

 

So, Friday rolls around, and I go into his office to eat lunch, like I always do, and he says, "We better cut out the lunches short from now on, (bosses name) probably doesn't appreciate it, and I don't want either of us to get into trouble." Okay, we have been eating lunch together for months now, and he has never been concerned about it before. So I say fine. He then had to deal with a few customers, so I left; we barely spoke the rest of the day.

 

So, today I am all excited because we get to work together (we usually don't on Saturday's), but he doesn't call me all day (we talk all of the time). So, I call him, he doesn't answer. I assume he is busy with customers. So, I go over to his building for my break, and talk to some other people over there, assuming he is busy, and what do I find? He is in his office, doing nothing. So, I walk over there and ask how he has been, he says, "Doing absolutly nothing." So I ask if he was in there when I called, and he says, "No." I don't believe him, but I say, "Okay, have I done something to anger you?" He says "No" and that I am "paranoid." He also starts talking about how he can't believe that I don't have a boyfriend. So, I say, "Well, that's because I am boring." He responds with, "I don't think you are boring." Anyway, then we are inturrupted, so I leave. That is the extent of our conversation for the WHOLE day. We use to talk ALL OF THE TIME. I don't understand. I mean, he use to actually be kind of clingy, and call me far too often. He use to talk about what it would be like if we were married, and if we had kids...now he isn't talking to me, or calling me at all.

 

However, take into consideration that he did have to miss his son's baseball game today, and since Friday he has been doing his job as well as covering for someone else.

 

Okay, so what is going on with him? I am utterly confused. Should I stop talking to/calling him, and wait for him to talk/call me? Or should I just ask him? I don't care for head-games, and I don't take hints very well. So, I think I am just going to confront him; I mean, what is the worst that could happen? Him just stop associating with me all together? I mean, at least I would know, and I could stop worrying about it, right?

[Yamaha]

Okay, so what is going on with him?

 

Do you really not know? A guy rarely spends that much time with a girl if he only likes her as a friend. It's obvious he really liked you but your saying you love him like a brother caused him to realize that your friendship is not going in the direction he desires so he is backing off. He doesn't want to become more attached to you than he is and is trying to avoid you.

 

he can't believe that I don't have a boyfriend

 

Because he wants to be your bf.

 

"I don't think you are boring."

 

A compliment.

 

He use to talk about what it would be like if we were married, and if we had kids...now he isn't talking to me, or calling me at all.

 

A guy friend would not talk like your going to get married to each other. His actions suggest he wasn't kidding when he said these things but was serious.

 

If you like him like a brother then you need to give him space. He has feeling beyond friendship. It will bother you because you like him as a friend but his interest is not the same as yours. A friendship will not work unless his feelings for you diminish. If you really want to know why he is acting his way just come out and ask him.

[Tony T]

You've ALREADY confronted him and he said he wasn't upset and that you were paranoid.

 

If you want to get a rise out of him, just ignore him totally and let him make the next move. Erase him from your list of possibilities for now.

 

Of course there's always the chance he could be scared because you told him you love him...and he may not have realized you meant it in a platonic way.

 

Just don't worry about it. Go about your business. There are lots of fish in the sea. Once he sees you could care less about his attitude or what he's doing, it will drive him up a wall....just like he's doing to you now...haha!

[Sadistic_Life]

You've ALREADY confronted him and he said he wasn't upset and that you were paranoid.

 

Yes, but he could be lying. Though, you are probably right; I am overthinking this. It's just like, we've kissed. I like him, though I didn't realize how much until he started acting this way. Damn these games! Cut off contact, and now I want him...who came up with this stuff? I need to learn some of these games of love .

 

If you want to get a rise out of him, just ignore him totally and let him make the next move. Erase him from your list of possibilities for now.

 

So hard...I can't stop thinking about him now; God, what has he done to me?!

 

Of course there's always the chance he could be scared because you told him you love him...and he may not have realized you meant it in a platonic way.

 

Yep...I've thought of that.

 

Just don't worry about it. Go about your business. There are lots of fish in the sea. Once he sees you could care less about his attitude or what he's doing, it will drive him up a wall....just like he's doing to you now...haha!

 

Again, so hard...

[Sadistic_Life]

If you like him like a brother then you need to give him space. He has feeling beyond friendship. It will bother you because you like him as a friend but his interest is not the same as yours. A friendship will not work unless his feelings for you diminish. If you really want to know why he is acting his way just come out and ask him.

 

No, I did only like him plutonically, but now I realize that I like him more than that, which I didn't know that before. The problem is, he has turned the table, and is acting like he doesn't want to talk with me. It's like, I want to talk to him about our relationship (which he was the one who suggested it on Thursday), but now I think he thinks I blew him off, and doesn't want to bother with me now. I don't know. So you think I should just confront him? I guess so. Okay, I'll do it. I can't wait until Monday...I can't believe I am thinking about him this much...it's annoying.

[Outcast]

Cut off contact, and now I want him...who came up with this stuff?

 

IMHO they're stupid leftovers from grade school that people should be required to grow out of when they graduate high school

 

In fact, if a guy only chases you when you pretend to not be interested in him, I figure it's because he has terrible self-esteem and feels he has to 'win' women since any woman stupid enough to just like him without all the games mustn't realize how awful he is.

 

So to get one of that sort, what you have to do is pretend you don't like him and then make him sit up and beg for doggie biscuits and try hard to win your attention and then you can deign to bestow a few crumbs on him. That reinforces his feeling that he's just a worm after all and that he has managed to do enough roll-overs and play deads to be worthy of your attention.

 

Somehow that's supposed to be 'mature' behaviour.

[Yamaha]

Damn these games! Cut off contact, and now I want him...who came up with this stuff? I need to learn some of these games of love .

 

I believe he likes you as well. It shouldn't be hard for the two of you to confess your feelings for each other. Flirt with him and let him know you want more than friendship. I wouldn't come on to strong or you might make him back off. If you confess your love for him and he isn't at the samt point it might weird him out. Just let him know of your interest and give him time to catch up with you.

 

Sometimes you have to miss someone to realize how much you care.

 

Good Luck.