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Toxic friendship - competitive curse...


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My future sister-in-law, who I had considered my best female friend for the last three of the six years I've known her, is driving me mad with her competitive nature.

 

Basically I want to vent and if you have experienced a similar issue or some advice I would really like to hear about it - trading war stories, I suppose...

 

No matter what I am doing, she tries to copy me. Style, hair, interests... She scrutinizes me up and down when I lost 10lbs recently and I catch her staring at me when I'm not looking. She outright demanded to know what I make, wants to know precisely where I buy things and wants to know what I'm wearing to all events so she can try to top it. If I look nice, she will give me a "oh, you look so GREAT" with a voice dripping with jealousy. When I was complimented by family about some art that I had done, she nearly spat "you're SO creative" at me with venom in her voice. When her mom told her that my fiancee (her brother) and I were going to buy a new car, same thing "oh, that's FANtastic!" and then stomped out of the room. She mentioned recently that she has to find a man so that she could have kids since we are headed that direction.

 

I seriously think she has some mental problems... I guess I know what they are too - she has very low self esteem, body issues, a borderline eating disorder with this low-carb diet, she is single after a bunch of nowhere relationships, etc. I think she was always competitive with her brother, and maybe this is a carryover of that? She trashes her other female friends to me constantly. The worst part is that she is in a master's program for psychology, and I can't fathom how she doesn't understand herself and her reactions with more clarity.

 

I really only began to notice how bad this was about six months ago when she drunkenly told me that she is jealous of me and tries to compete with me on every level. She told me this outright when she was smashed, moaning about how she's not as stylish and wishes she were as smart, blah, blah, blah... She is threatened that her boyfriends will be attracted to me - she told me this! I didn't know what to say to that, and tried to build her up, but it certainly didn't help. She has said similar things to me in the past about other female friends, trashing one for her weight loss and then predictably going on a diet.

 

I feel as though she is measuring herself against me, which at first my fiancee said should be flattering too, but it's increasingly like she is trying to figure out some "secret" she thinks I have and then use it against me somehow... That sounds weird, but seriously,

 

She has a competitive streak ten miles wide, and it's obvious in all her relationships, even to her. This has caused numerous break-ups, disagreements with other friends etc.

 

I take pride in being original - I am in an artistic profession and I am often complimented on my sense of style. I'm nice looking, good figure, have been in a great relationship with her brother for ages and am smart. Not conceited, but objectively, this is who I am. I am generous, kind and make good money at a job I love. I have had huge hurdles to overcome in my life, so it's not like she can think that I'm some kind of perfect person.

 

I am deliberately distancing myself from her (hard, since she is family) because I feel she is toxic. I am not competitive by nature - laid back artsy is more my style. I feel sick because recently I have noticed that I feel as though I want to kick her butt up and down the block at her own game, and that is not my nature.

 

Has anyone had a similar experience or some sage advice???

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BaileyBear

That does sound frustrating but it seems like she is not doing anything to you. Most of the damage is aimed at herself. I would just continue to be laid-back and take it as a compliment.

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Nothing wrong with competition, FRIENDLY competition that is. Now competition based on both jealousy and her nature is just unhealthy for both of you. Don't go to her level and play her game.

 

I would not end the toxic friendship; just have to enforce and keep boundaries in place.

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HeyYouGuys

Unfortunately, she is not emotionally well enough to function as your friend.

 

She is bitter, competitive and seething with jealousy. Ultimately, I don't think she wishes you well.

 

I'd keep my distance. It's sad, but until she gets the help she needs, I don't see how you'd benefit in any way from this relationship.

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Brittanyjean06

Well she shoulden't be competing with you any way, Some girls are like that and have that in their nature and I think it's a very ugly trait.. Competing with sports and all that is fine but with another girl to make her self feel better. Sad. I would stay away from her because someone like that doesn't want the good for you, they want the bad for you. I can't stand girls like that especially if you have them as friends, which I had two of them...they had to be better than you all the time, it's like grow up sersiouly

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