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My single friend and my Husband


Mrs. Ozturk

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Mrs. Ozturk

I, my husband and my single friend R., we all used to be friends even when my husband I were only dating. Since that time the three of us have been really close. R and I also joke (when my husband is not there) that R would be by husband's next choice if he gets married again.

Now R is a very fun girl basically, she plays around with a lot of people but she isn't promiscuous...she is not as conservative as me either. i like to dress modestly, but she is very flashy and modern.

That said, one day when I was visiting R., my husband called. R snatched the phone out of my hand and asked my husband if she can come over to our house and stay. We had already been discussing a friends' get together, so i was prepared for that. But then, she asked him if she can sleep in our bed with us. so my husband answered that ok, you can be our baby daughter. At that R replies...well, I was thinking of something else, like sleeping with you, but you're not ready for that, so fine, I'll be your baby.

At that I lost my control. True R and I sometimes joked intimately but we never shared those jokes with my husband. I confronted here there and then and asked her to not say things like that to my husband. She got upset that I should know that she doesn't mean what she says and that she's only playing.

My husband when he learned of our fight told me to ignore what she says 'cuz even he realizes that she's just a stupid girl who doesn't think before she speaks. he assured me that he would never think of her in a bad way.

But now, R is very distant from me. I and my husband even visited her family and her again as a gesture of goodwill, but she has begun to strain away from me.

Additionally, she now thinks that I feel inferior next to her because people give her more attention than they do to me. So, as well as subtly denigrating me, she went on to try to tell me how beautiful I am and whatnot.

Since then, she has taken to claiming all our friendships that the two of us shared together, for herself. Like, we went out with two other guy friends one of who is more attached to me than to her. But every now and then, she'd come over grab his arm and hurry away from me.

How do I deal with her now? she expects me to pay her entourage when she's alone, but when we are with other friends she pays no attention to me. I am hurt, because it was her fault to be suggestive to my husband and now she is playing the victim. we used to be very close, and she used to be more like me than now...Now she seems to be my complete opposite. Should i forget our past relationship and move on? Or should I do something special to mend what we had together?

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Sounds like you'd be far, far better off without a so-called 'freind' like that.

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EnigmaXOXO
How do I deal with her now?

 

You don't.

 

Not unless you have to … and then, the only thing you really owe her is to be "polite" and "cordial."

 

I think there is a tendency among female friends to allow each other to become way too comfortable with each other sometimes. That often spills over into allowing our friends to become way too comfy with our relationships and significant others as well. Some women will appreciate your relaxed attitude and see the humor in it, while still maintaining their boundaries out of genuine respect and fondness for you. Other's (who do not have an emotionally mature grasp on personal boundaries unless they're pointed out to them) may see this as an open invitation for an opportunistic moment in times of desperation, loneliness and envy.

 

And yes, she "envies" you. Which is why she has now resorted to such sophomoric tactics to prove she can 'one-up' you.

 

Remain the adult in this situation. It's okay to pity her (I'm sure she's probably embarrassed although she'll probably never admit it) but don't allow the tenure you've given your long-time friend to override your own good judgment. Never, ever invite someone else (whether family member or good friend) to become a third-wheel in your relationship. Never joke about threesomes or even elude to a friend that they: "would be by husband's next choice if he gets married again" unless you absolutely mean it.

 

That kind of girl-talk isn't cutesy or endearing. And the wrong person WILL take your words seriously if they're desperate enough … as you've sadly just found out the hard way. :(

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Tim'sAngel

I wouldn't put this childish women under the friend's catagory!! She completely crossed the line. She obviously is in need of constant attention and drama, do you realy want someone like this in your life?

 

Did your hubby think what she said to him about sleeping in the bed with you guys as funny or did he feel awkward about it?"

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Tim'sAngel
why is LS posting this as a reply not thread?!?!?!?!?!?

 

You've lost me... :confused:

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She can't cross the friendship line by planting sexual iimages of her and your husband in an unacceptable 'joking' way and still expect to be treated as though nothing happened. She must take you for an idiot to pull that off in front of you. I would've slapped her and gone home. Definitely move on. She is trying to make YOU feel bad so that you have to mend things? Please. This lady is trash.

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You've lost me... :confused:

 

I tried starting a new thread 2 times and it kept posting it as a reply :(

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clandestinidad

This gal is incredibly selfish. I would not consider her a friend if she is going to be so possessive with all of the male attention, and behave in such ways.

 

Its ridiculous to see people who have such little self-esteem flaunt themselves around every male in the vicinity in order to feel some sort of shallow value.

 

She's just pissed off because you 'caught her' doing what she knows best, and put a limit on her behavior by keeping your husband out of her sights.

 

Good for you for setting down a boundary between her and your husband. She has to learn that she cannot seek value and attention from everyone she encounters.

 

I personally would cut off association with her. Its hard to develop as a person and be happy in life when someone like that is around. If you feel that the 2 of you SHARED a special relationship, then keep calling and maintaining contact.

 

To me, people like that are only in relationships for themselves, and incapable of having a blanced relationship where it benefits BOTH people.

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sylviaguardian

Forget it and move on. This woman is not a 'friend' she is a leech is out to cause trouble.

 

 

I, my husband and my single friend R., we all used to be friends even when my husband I were only dating. Since that time the three of us have been really close. R and I also joke (when my husband is not there) that R would be by husband's next choice if he gets married again.

Now R is a very fun girl basically, she plays around with a lot of people but she isn't promiscuous...she is not as conservative as me either. i like to dress modestly, but she is very flashy and modern.

That said, one day when I was visiting R., my husband called. R snatched the phone out of my hand and asked my husband if she can come over to our house and stay. We had already been discussing a friends' get together, so i was prepared for that. But then, she asked him if she can sleep in our bed with us. so my husband answered that ok, you can be our baby daughter. At that R replies...well, I was thinking of something else, like sleeping with you, but you're not ready for that, so fine, I'll be your baby.

At that I lost my control. True R and I sometimes joked intimately but we never shared those jokes with my husband. I confronted here there and then and asked her to not say things like that to my husband. She got upset that I should know that she doesn't mean what she says and that she's only playing.

My husband when he learned of our fight told me to ignore what she says 'cuz even he realizes that she's just a stupid girl who doesn't think before she speaks. he assured me that he would never think of her in a bad way.

But now, R is very distant from me. I and my husband even visited her family and her again as a gesture of goodwill, but she has begun to strain away from me.

Additionally, she now thinks that I feel inferior next to her because people give her more attention than they do to me. So, as well as subtly denigrating me, she went on to try to tell me how beautiful I am and whatnot.

Since then, she has taken to claiming all our friendships that the two of us shared together, for herself. Like, we went out with two other guy friends one of who is more attached to me than to her. But every now and then, she'd come over grab his arm and hurry away from me.

How do I deal with her now? she expects me to pay her entourage when she's alone, but when we are with other friends she pays no attention to me. I am hurt, because it was her fault to be suggestive to my husband and now she is playing the victim. we used to be very close, and she used to be more like me than now...Now she seems to be my complete opposite. Should i forget our past relationship and move on? Or should I do something special to mend what we had together?

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MarnieGirl
But then, she asked him if she can sleep in our bed with us. so my husband answered that ok, you can be our baby daughter.

 

 

did no one else besides myself find this part odd...on several levels?

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EnigmaXOXO

MarnieGirl asks:

 

did no one else besides myself find this part odd...on several levels?

 

There were a couple of statements that really caught my attention. Then again, maybe my Oh-H*LL-No meter is just tuned a bit too high. :D

 

R and I also joke (when my husband is not there) that R would be by husband's next choice if he gets married again.

 

True R and I sometimes joked intimately but we never shared those jokes with my husband.

 

we went out with two other guy friends one of who is more attached to me than to her. But every now and then, she'd come over grab his arm and hurry away from me.

 

I don't think the friend and the husband are the only one's having a difficult time trying to determine where Ozturk's personal boundaries are.

 

But I could be wrong. ;)

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stillafool

Get rid of her quick!!! She totally crossed all boundaries and definitely don't joke like that about your husband to another female -ever! She knew she planted that seed in your husband's mine that she "might" be open to sleep with him. Even though he said she was childish or whatever he definitely got the picture!!! Also I do think it was odd he saying "you can be our baby daughter". What does that mean?????????:eek:

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I think it was meant it as a NICE way to say NO.

 

Like - you are the child and you can sleep at the end of the bed - no way are the three of us sleeping together.

 

I think it was a good response when he was put "on the spot" that way.

 

His way of reminding R that he is a married man?

 

Does anyone else see it this way. I DO!

 

As for R, drop her like a hot potatoe. Meet some married WOMAN to be friends with and drop the MALE friends too!

 

Sounds like you have a great Husband there! Don't mess it up!

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MarnieGirl
I think it was meant it as a NICE way to say NO.

 

Like - you are the child and you can sleep at the end of the bed - no way are the three of us sleeping together.

 

I think it was a good response when he was put "on the spot" that way.

 

a simple, "hahaha, i don't think so" or "yeah, right" or "no way are the three of us sleeping together" and a quick changing of the subject may have worked. and definitely would have lessened the creep factor.

 

it sounds to me like the OP has a chode for a husband, and a needy slut for a friend. but i have to question the OP's misgivings also...why does she even mention the bit about being out with her friend and two guys and details about who was into who and who stole who away from who?

 

sorry, OP, even with a chode and a slut in your life and all, i don't think you're exactly innocent here. and it doesn't help that you've talked about threesoming with your friend; it's not entirely her fault that her thoughts took that path when you enouraged it by giggling like two schoolgirls about sleeping with your husband.

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BareGoddess

In my opinion this was never really a friendship. There's a little competition going on between you. Friends don't do that with each other.

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I think your husband enjoys this attention from her and when she said she wanted to climb into bed with him , he just kept the fantasy going .....

 

He's got you and her under the sheets. What do you THINK is going to happen.

 

This is a big red dump your so called friend ASAP alert !

 

Even if you dump her it would not surprise me if they meet up somewhere else.

 

So dumping might only temporarily solve your problem.

 

NO friend that I KNOW would ask me if they could sleep with my husband/ bf. I am not married ~btw...but still you get the idea...

 

I am not saying for sure he is totally innocent.

Only time will tell.

 

But be prepared that he MIGHT not be so innocent and could possibly be attracted to your so called ex friend.

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