Do we need them?

[Great Gazoo]

I was just wondering if friends are really worth anything these days. I mean sometimes they always seem to let you down. After my best friend died at 19 a very tragic death I have always had trouble replacing him in my life. I seem to attract friends that take advantage of my caring personality one way or the other. I wonder if there is a reason this is the case. If I seem too eager to help and care about them that it turns them off in some ways.

I have 2 friends left that I am fairly close to from school but both are more drinking buddies, you know you get together and have a good time and talk about the good old days but as guys we never seem to talk about anything really serious. We just never share anything about our lives.

I have 1 friend that I do share things with and I am thinking I must be sharing too much. I must be doing something wrong. I have had a very hard time the last 2 years and I thought this friend would always be there as I always tried to be there but being semi depressed all the time has been too much for this person to handle I think. I feel I must have just made them run away from my constant crying in my beer and mentioning the word suicide, hey its been a tough year. I have tried calling this person 4 times and I just can’t get a answer, I sent a email just about begging to call me tonight to talk cause its been a bad week and it goes no where. This person is also having problems in their life so I am thinking I am just being a bother now and a distraction seeing I can’t seem to help anymore. I could say I find it rude not returning my calls but instead I find it very painful and sad, another chapter of grief in my life. So what about friends?

[Mary3]

I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your friend previously and how hard it has been for you since that occured.

 

I think your best bet is to ( for now ) contact a suicide prevention hotline and get some counseling for the depression.

 

Making friends CAN be very hard and keeping them even harder . If you find a a friend who is willing to be there for you and listen , well thats priceless.

 

You do have the need to talk and the beer drinking buddies are having a hard time trying to help you.

 

Please post back when you find some outside help and let us know how well you are doing.

[Pyro]

I have always heard and believe that you will make many friends in your lifetime but your "true" friends you are only able to count on one hand.

[Great Gazoo]

Making friends CAN be very hard and keeping them even harder . If you find a a friend who is willing to be there for you and listen , well thats priceless.

 

Mary3 I could not agree more with you on this and don't worry I said semi depressed so thanks about the hotline but its fine. Anyways it was just a big misunderstanding and I am sorry to think anything wrong about this person and Riddler I agree also, thanks.

[Mary3]

Mary3 I could not agree more with you on this and don't worry I said semi depressed so thanks about the hotline but its fine. Anyways it was just a big misunderstanding and I am sorry to think anything wrong about this person and Riddler I agree also, thanks.

Its good to know you are going to get through this . I wish you the best

[Woggle]

My friends are number one in my book because most of them were my family when I had none.

[Great Gazoo]

Its good to know you are going to get through this . I wish you the best

 

Thanks again

[pippen_2k]

My mum used to tell me " Bros before Hoes " LoL

 

So yeah I believe its extremely important to have good friends. They will be there for you forever, regardless of what you do.

 

In regards to contact tho, I never get upset when they dont answer their phone, or text me back straight away.... Dosent bother me at all.

 

You only feel down by that when its someone ur attracted to or have feelings for. But my mates will get back in contact in due time

[Outcast]

It's difficult on anyone to be a long-term therapist. If you're still singing the same old song and crying the same tears in the same beer for TWO YEARS it's time to seek help. I'd say that's not the definition of 'semi' depressed, in fact. Being depressed doesn't mean you're flawed or broken somehow. It's very often a chemical situation that needs a chemical solution (and I don't mean beer!)

[Great Gazoo]

It's difficult on anyone to be a long-term therapist. If you're still singing the same old song and crying the same tears in the same beer for TWO YEARS it's time to seek help. I'd say that's not the definition of 'semi' depressed, in fact. Being depressed doesn't mean you're flawed or broken somehow. It's very often a chemical situation that needs a chemical solution (and I don't mean beer!)

 

I guess I am following you around today or maybe its the other way around I know what your saying, I have heard this speech before and I agree but I don't think chemicals are going to help me. I have posted here somewhere on LS what this about. After everything that has happened in the last 6 months I am sorry but I don't feel like jumping for joy. Things went backwards instead of forwards so in time things will work themselves out. I just have to keep talking about it when things bother me and LS may help for that. I will keep trying the beer though but thanks for the concern.

[Outcast]

I just have to keep talking about it when things bother me and LS may help for that.

 

Yes it can and that's also what therapists are for. It's their job to listen to stories and not foist their own issues back at you.

[amaysngrace]

I know a lot of people but I don't have many friends, true friends who know everything about me and me about them. I think it's really rare to find people that you can connect with so easily. And it makes them more special when you do find them.

 

For you, GreatGazoo, maybe because you are in a bad way mentally, you are attracting those like you towards you. Maybe all your recent buddies don't have the mental strength to deal with you. It's just a thought...

 

It's nice to have friends but it's also real important to be your own best friend. Can you honestly say you are? If not, you need to do a little evaluation on yourself and figure out how you can be a friend to yourself. I think you'll be amazed at how your perceptions will shift when you learn to love and accept yourself first.

 

When you demand high standards for yourself and it's genuine because you know you're truly worthy, you will attract those you will want to call friends, not some losers who won't give you the time of day.

[Marcus1963]

It's difficult on anyone to be a long-term therapist. If you're still singing the same old song and crying the same tears in the same beer for TWO YEARS it's time to seek help.

I agree! you mentioned that this friend has problems too. did you ask him about his problems?

Maybe he ends up feeling miserable after hanging out with you. my own brother is an alcoholic and i used to listen to his sad stories but not anymore. he drinks because he's miserable and he's miserable because he drinks.. i just cant take it anymore, after years invested in comforting him i just told him look if you cant say anything other than how miserable you feel just dont call me anymore. Now he calls me once in a while and we talk abotu everything without him whining. i visited him 6 weeks ago and we had a great time together.

i have financial problems, i hate my job, no girls in my life, my family is far away and sometimes i feel down but i never call my sister who is now happily married to complain about my life. actually i've always solved her problems and never asked for anythign in return. i guess that's cuz she is much younger than me, i see her as a child.

you cant whine all the time.

[Great Gazoo]

I agree! you mentioned that this friend has problems too. did you ask him about his problems?

Maybe he ends up feeling miserable after hanging out with you. my own brother is an alcoholic and i used to listen to his sad stories but not anymore. he drinks because he's miserable and he's miserable because he drinks.. i just cant take it anymore, after years invested in comforting him i just told him look if you cant say anything other than how miserable you feel just dont call me anymore. Now he calls me once in a while and we talk abotu everything without him whining. i visited him 6 weeks ago and we had a great time together.

i have financial problems, i hate my job, no girls in my life, my family is far away and sometimes i feel down but i never call my sister who is now happily married to complain about my life. actually i've always solved her problems and never asked for anythign in return. i guess that's cuz she is much younger than me, i see her as a child.

you cant whine all the time.

 

 

Hey I understand, I know sometimes I can be a drag but I am not a alcoholic because I joke about drinking a few beers. Your post tells me I am right, that friends are just for entertainment. I mean just to have fun right, not discuss lifes problems. This I REALLY understand, THANKS.

Somedays I hate my job also but I am determined to make it work being self employed and all. I don't have a girl in my life either, I have a wife and marriage and life throws you problems. I guess when you lose 3 babies, 1 at just about 6 months, just about old enough the doctors could save him just 6 days before christmas, then another one almost 6 months to a T, like it hasn't been a month even, so I am alittle down, sorry,I guess I shouldn't complain.

[Great Gazoo]

I know a lot of people but I don't have many friends, true friends who know everything about me and me about them. I think it's really rare to find people that you can connect with so easily. And it makes them more special when you do find them.

 

For you, GreatGazoo, maybe because you are in a bad way mentally, you are attracting those like you towards you. Maybe all your recent buddies don't have the mental strength to deal with you. It's just a thought...

 

It's nice to have friends but it's also real important to be your own best friend. Can you honestly say you are? If not, you need to do a little evaluation on yourself and figure out how you can be a friend to yourself. I think you'll be amazed at how your perceptions will shift when you learn to love and accept yourself first.

 

When you demand high standards for yourself and it's genuine because you know you're truly worthy, you will attract those you will want to call friends, not some losers who won't give you the time of day.

 

 

My recent buddies I went to school with since I can remember so mental strength isn't a issue. I realized friends, especially guy friends are just friends to have fun with, not to discuss anything. I notice this because my guy friends will be more concerned and interested in things if they are talking with my wife than me.

I also realized by reading alot of post in the friendship section that friends drift off, its normal and means nothing. I found it hard since school to slowly go down in numbers of friends. I guess its just normal from maybe 15 friends to one hand.

Like 2 weeks ago I have a old school friend phone about wanting to get together at another old school friends wedding. Well I haven't seen the guy in 3 years, so I have to explain no I can't make it, going through some tough times right now, like everything that has happened. He says oh, yeah, well more or less good luck with that, he never called back to see how I was or anything. He was the next up in line to being my best friend in school. Like I said its just normal I guess.

[Great Gazoo]

Yes it can and that's also what therapists are for. It's their job to listen to stories and not foist their own issues back at you.

 

Yeah your probably right but its not for me.

[Great Gazoo]

Anyways I have one person in my life besides my wife that has always been there for me. She is the one who told me about LS, that it might help me with my problems. I have never met this person but she is past being a best friend, she is family to me and we will meet up someday. She has always tried to be there for me and my wife. So its not all bad.

[Marcus1963]

I have never met this person but she is past being a best friend, she is family to me and we will meet up someday. She has always tried to be there for me and my wife.

Wow a relative that you never met has always been there for you? that's amazing. I am not close even with some of my relatives that i've met many times!

 

so what happened with the friend from the first post? did he ever return your call? if he was never there for you why would he be now?

 

i dont think friends are only for entertainment, but they are not your shrinks either, do you ever offer anything else except your whining? Like can the two of you just go out have a beer and bulls*** about nothing? I dont understand what kind of treatment you expect.

[Great Gazoo]

Wow a relative that you never met has always been there for you? that's amazing. I am not close even with some of my relatives that i've met many times!

 

so what happened with the friend from the first post? did he ever return your call? if he was never there for you why would he be now?

 

i dont think friends are only for entertainment, but they are not your shrinks either, do you ever offer anything else except your whining? Like can the two of you just go out have a beer and bulls*** about nothing? I dont understand what kind of treatment you expect.

 

 

Hey I know the feeling, I am not exactly close to my family and I see them regularly. So I am not going to argue with you there. Maybe thats part of the problem.

 

I said before it was a misunderstanding and I don't think I have to say more than that.

 

Yeah I can bulls*** with them all the time. Whats the use of bulls***ting all the time and call them friends. I can bulls*** to anyone, even you, thats not friendship. When I was younger I drove a transport truck in Canada and the U.S. I would run into guys all over the place. We could bulls*** all day to each other over the C.B and stop have a coffee, tell your life story and never see each other again, so is that friendship? I expect a friend to be a friend, I hope I have something to offer, like being a friend also. When your going through the WORST time in your life a friend will stand beside you and take the time to listen and help. That being said I don't think guy friends are really geared for that. I guess family is for that.

 

And yeah I do other things with them, this weekend I am loading up the boat and heading to the lake and we are going fishing and boating and drinking beer and I won't say a damn word about my life. I think this is the best solution yet.

[Mary3]

Hey I know the feeling, I am not exactly close to my family and I see them regularly. So I am not going to argue with you there. Maybe thats part of the problem.

 

I said before it was a misunderstanding and I don't think I have to say more than that.

 

Yeah I can bulls*** with them all the time. Whats the use of bulls***ting all the time and call them friends. I can bulls*** to anyone, even you, thats not friendship. When I was younger I drove a transport truck in Canada and the U.S. I would run into guys all over the place. We could bulls*** all day to each other over the C.B and stop have a coffee, tell your life story and never see each other again, so is that friendship? I expect a friend to be a friend, I hope I have something to offer, like being a friend also. When your going through the WORST time in your life a friend will stand beside you and take the time to listen and help. That being said I don't think guy friends are really geared for that. I guess family is for that.

 

And yeah I do other things with them, this weekend I am loading up the boat and heading to the lake and we are going fishing and boating and drinking beer and I won't say a damn word about my life. I think this is the best solution yet.

 

But you don't want to supress the need to be able to talk to someone about this. True the beer drinking buddies just wanna drink beer , fish and have fun. That likely won't ever change.

 

You need someone who does care. Could that be someone in your church ? A girl-friend maybe ? ( notice I meant girl friend ). Your mom ? A brother ? Someone who won't judge you and just let you pour your heart out ?

[Asafan]

Friendship, like most things in life is definitely over-rated.