Society's Stance On Opposite-Sex Friendship

[BruiserKC]

I've been rather fascinated the last few weeks or so with the discussions going on here about whether or not men and women can be friends. Supposedly the answer is no from most people. I find that interesting, I've managed to do it for years with no repercussions or want of anything more from my close female friends but their friendship.

 

However, the naysayers seem to be out in full force. Don't get me wrong, there are people here and elsewhere that say it can work and can be done. But the majority tends to say that it's not possible, that someone is wanting more in some capactiy or whatnot.

 

Looking through this forum I see the matter has been discussed every possible way but one. And that's the one I'm throwing out here tonight for thoughts and responses. And, IMHO, it seems to me that the reason people are inclined to think that opposite-sex friendship can't work because of how society tends to look at those friendships.

 

People tend to automatically think, through what we read and in the media, that friendships between men and women always develop into romance. Whether it's the TV show "Friends", or movies like "The Wedding Singer", "When Harry Met Sally", and "Just Friends." Yes, that can happen and has happened...but in most cases the romance part was already there just under wraps.

 

Meanwhile, no matter how far our society has changed, especially in the day and age of the feminist movement where women ask for equality, people still find it "improper" for men and women to be friends. That if you're married that you'll be cheating on your spouse, etc. Plus, we still have those old-school fogies that think a woman's place is in the home, cooking and cleaning wearing pearls and high heels and doing what the man wants at the snap of his fingers. And when men and women go together, it's either a date or a couple's thing.

 

Will views change? Possibly down the road...but if our views on men and women have only started to change in the last 30 years who knows.

 

All thoughts welcome.

[Outcast]

That if you're married that you'll be cheating on your spouse, etc.

 

It is a fairly common progression for friendship to become love. Which is all well and fine - but that's why people should avoid being friends with someone of the opposite gender when they're married. Acquaintances, fine. Pals, ok. But 'friends' as in sharing intimacies, spending time alone, is a bad idea simply because love often grows out of friendship.

 

It's not a bad thing at all, actually.

 

but in most cases the romance part was already there just under wraps.

 

Not necessarily. You may think you'll only like someone, then as you grow to know that person more, find yourself admiring and respecting more and being fonder and fonder of the person until the fondness blossoms into love. Or you might even start out thinking you could fall for the person but decide to try to keep it to friends in case the person doesn't fall back. And then you fall anyway.

 

It's not about 'society's view'. It's just what happens.

[Craig]

Well if your research has been conducted on LS it's not going to represent a true cross section of overall beliefs. LS attracts people that are having some challenges with relationships so it's not good sample.

 

As for the people that may seem to be in the minority that have opposite gender friendships maybe they are in the minority and perhaps they don't live their lives by what they think other people think about them.

 

I think that societal approval of opposite sex friendships vary from region to region as well. I have lived in many places in North America (east, west, north, south) and have noticed differences in attitudes in the various regions.

[sirjay]

I have a lot of female friends. One of my oldest friends is a girl actually, and when i was at school i generally got on best with the bad girls in our year. i tend to get on better with women.

 

i guess i would describe myself as an alpha male but with a strong emotional sensitive side, if that makes sense. i have a high sex drive and i guess i flirt with some of them but we don't act on it.