Moai Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 It seems to me that if you think that you are being used, then you are. True or false? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 It seems to me that if you think that you are being used, then you are. In the context of what MOAI? People use you....you use others. Everyone "uses" everyone else to some degree. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 It seems to me that if you think that you are being used, then you are. True or false? It depends on the extent. Alpha is right, everybody uses eachother. Though I tend to look at it as helping out a friend, or doing a favour. If you're talking about constantly having to DO things for a friend, well, it depends on your views of friendships and how you're willing to go to help someone... Use your intuition here. If you're feeling used and it's too much, then yes - Possibly you're being taken advantage of or not feeling appreciated. Saying thank you or getting a small gift, a bottle of wine or even a thank you card can go a long way too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moai Posted June 14, 2006 Author Share Posted June 14, 2006 I don't mean asking people for favors, or doing favors for people, or whatever. That does happen all the time, and that is what friends do. What I mean by using is "taken advantage of." You do things for someone and they don't reciprocate, or don't reciprocate enough. The feeling of being used develops over time, I would think. If I sport a buddy to beers and it takes him a while to sport me back it is no big deal. But if I am always sporting him beers then it is an issue after a while. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 It seems to me that if you think that you are being used, then you are. True or false? A friend of mine said this, friendship is mutual exploitation of each other. If you get the feeling or it smells like poopoo, looks like poopoo, it probably is. So yes... Depends on context, eats your stuff, takes your stuff, unappreciative sometimes, dumps stuff, disobeys sometimes, a spawn of yourself. it probably would be your kids. Kids "use" parents all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
RarePearl Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 It seems to me that if you think that you are being used, then you are. True or false?Most likely true. However the problem is when you don't realize that you're being used and someone is being nice to you with an agenda. If you feel like you're used, it means you do more for the person than they do for you. Sometimes when I think that someone is using me, it turns out that they just hadn't had the chance to return the kindness or favor yet. And often we have a selective memory even if it involves a very short period of time. For example, a family member accused me of calling her only when I needed something (which was verbal advice - what I asked for -and once I asked for a cup of laundry detergent), but forgets that I've baby-sat her child numerous times, while she never baby-sat mine. She insists that she always helps people and doesn't ask for help, but the truth is she gets many favors from people in terms of effort, money,a nd time, she takes them for granted and when you ask her for a favor she straightforwardly says "NO!" and then accuses you of trying to use her. Make sure you're not like her! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 the "Equity Theory of Relationships" states that over time if a fair balance is not kept in any relationship then it will eventually die out. So if you are using someone 90% and they use you only 10% then it will end eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 What I mean by using is "taken advantage of." You do things for someone and they don't reciprocate, or don't reciprocate enough. The feeling of being used develops over time, I would think. If I sport a buddy to beers and it takes him a while to sport me back it is no big deal. But if I am always sporting him beers then it is an issue after a while. IF that is happening to you, then say something. If you don't, you're also at fault for letting it continue. Feels good to say no once in a while... Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Well, actually a lot of people engage in something called 'keeping score' in which they tote up what's done for them against what they do for others. Unfortunately, they tend to pay little note to or take for granted what others do for them and maximize what they do for others. It happens a lot in marriages. So I'd say if you think you're being 'used', pay much closer attention - it's entirely possible that you are dead wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
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