sunshinegirl Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 I could use some perspective. A good friend of mine has recently started dating someone new. They are completely ga-ga over each other; spent 6 of the first 7 days they knew each other together. Obscenely fast pace (i.e. she introduced him to her friends after week 1 b/c she didn't want "too much time" to pass before they met him) (and I believe he's meeting her father this week). They've known each other for less than 5 weeks and she is already "keeping her life plans open" for possibly relocating to wherever he moves in July (he'll be moving for work reasons). History: she really really wants to be in love, married, kids, etc. In the last year she has met or dated 22 men from match and e-harmony. She's 30. I have listened to her angst, fret, worry, dream, hope, and practically-marry-by-date-two each of these 22 men. It has been exhausting. I've had the whirlwind, amazing connection thing happen too, so I know what that feels like. And this one does seem qualitatively different than the 21 others she's met. But my "amazing connection" relationship was dead within 7 months, and much emotional devastation ensued (for me). So I am worried that her rushing in is going to lead to heartache. I met her new guy last weekend and within 30 seconds of meeting him, both me and a mutual friend who met him got the distinct vibe that he's gay. I've dated a gay man, too. And that's devastating at a whole other level. So my question is: how do I be a good friend to her? How do I not be the "sour grapes" friend who is projecting all of my heartaches her direction and thus not being happy for her? I could be wrong on all fronts -- maybe this is "the one" for her. I must say I have not seen her this happy in months. But I'm having a hard time mustering much enthusiasm for her new relationship. Thanks for any/all thoughts! Sunshinegirl Link to post Share on other sites
mini696 Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Just support her and dont let her know you are doubting the relationship... Honestly it is none of your business who she dates and what her intentions are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshinegirl Posted May 7, 2006 Author Share Posted May 7, 2006 I think you're right, I do need to support her. On re-reading my post I realize that this is really about my disappointments and hurts in relationships...no real bearing on hers. Just to be clear: she actively seeks my views on her relationships. It's not that I'm just injecting my opinions, getting all in her business, uninvited or out of the blue. She asks for my advice, which is part of what I was trying to brace myself for: how to handle it when she asks what I think about this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
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