LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Friendship

Death of Best Friend...


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Old 6th April 2006, 4:07 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 246
Death of Best Friend...

Not sure if this is the correct forum for this..but here goes.. My best friend died about 2 years ago. She had a lung disease called Cystic Fibrosis. We were the closest of friends for 10 years. She was like my sister. It was devistating, and to this day...it still is. I find myself having trouble making friends, and at the risk of sounding like a loser, I only have a handful of people that I would actually call my friends. Everyone I meet just does not seem to chalk up to the friendship we had and I just put this "wall" up I guess...I know, its sounds ridiculous like I am talking about an ex boyfriend or something..But unfortunatley its how I feel. Any advice on how to get over this??
2020vision is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th April 2006, 4:17 PM   #2
NTB
Established Member
 
NTB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: sin city
Posts: 1,299
i would like to say time but everyone grieves differently and i really don't believe that crap that time heals all wounds.
i lost my friend 3 yrs back we were closer than brothers and i still miss him like crazy. nothing is ever going to chalk up to what you have lost all you can do is just remember the good times and try and make some new buddies along the way.
NTB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th April 2006, 4:29 PM   #3
Established Member
 
blind_otter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Swamp
Posts: 15,321
Quote:
Originally Posted by NTB
i would like to say time but everyone grieves differently and i really don't believe that crap that time heals all wounds.
i lost my friend 3 yrs back we were closer than brothers and i still miss him like crazy. nothing is ever going to chalk up to what you have lost all you can do is just remember the good times and try and make some new buddies along the way.
This is excellent advice.

(I hope you enjoyed your skittles NTB)
__________________
be a queen, don't be a drag.
blind_otter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th April 2006, 6:29 PM   #4
Established Member
 
neek's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 76
I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. No one could ever replace her and there will always be a place in your heart for her. I agree with NTB, time does not heal all wounds, not completely anyway. What it CAN do at least, is make them less painful, albeit slowly. You'll never forget her and even when you're 80 years old you may still look back and think about your wonderful memories of her and you may still shed some tears...but you know what? That's only going to reinforce how much you already know what a special person she was to have in your life, and although it's sad, you will be truly happy to have been able to spend the time together that you did. That is a great thing.

It is understandable that you're having a hard time making new friends. Perhaps you're afraid that you WILL feel like you're replacing her, even though you know you she's irreplaceable. Or you may think you'll start to forget her if you occupy your time with other people. This could be why you find yourself pushing people away. I can only imagine how hard it is, but you just have to know in your heart that you AREN'T replacing her nor will you ever forget her. I'd imagine this would be a similar situation for a child who has lost a parent and later on the surviving parent remarries. Both are terribly heartbreaking situations. My heart goes out to you for your loss.

You're not a loser for only having a few close friends. I'd much rather have a handful of very good true friends than a bucket full of acquaintances. That being said, don't pass up the opportunity to get to know others who begin to gain your friendship, you never know when that next awesome person will come into your life, and there's no such thing as too many good memories.
neek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th April 2006, 1:20 AM   #5
Guest
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I am sorry for your loss, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my best friend over 8 years ago and I still miss him. The loss totally changed my life and I was never the same and recently I lost a child. I know all about how difficult it seems after to make friends, how you just like to keep people at a distance and sometimes you just feel lost and a loser but you are not. I don't really have any great advice. All I can say is unfortunately life does not stand still and don't do like myself and wait until some of your best years of your life have gone by and realize that now you have no friends. I agree that having a couple of close friends is better than a bunch of acquaintances. Time helps but if this friend was as close as you say, she will live in your heart forever and with that comes the painful reminder that they are gone. So just remember we must still go forward with our lifes and that your friend does not have to be forgotten or replaced. That your heart always has room for another great friend.
  Reply With Quote
Old 7th April 2006, 5:56 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 246
Thank you for all of your responses/advice...It makes a little bit easier knowing that I am not alone. I have my bad days and I have my good days...lately, there has been more bad than good. Another problem being that all my friends are "coupled" at this time, so that leaves me little to no time to be around them. Oh well, I guess that leaves me more time to work on being my own best friend!
2020vision is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th April 2006, 2:15 AM   #7
Established Member
 
konfuzd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Canada
Posts: 737
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I too lost a very close friend about 7 years ago. He was an integral part of a network of friends at the time, and unfortunately his death came between all of us and the whole group ended up drifting apart as a result. Like you, I ended up with no one.

Yes, it gets easier. 2 years seems like a long time, but in reality, 7 years later, I still miss my friend. I am in the process of designing a tattoo that I will get over my heart to forever remember what an impact he had on my life. I have also written a boatload of poems and letters in his memory to help me get through it.

I wish you luck, and although we are all behind computer screens in different parts of the world, us Loveshackers will do all we can to provide you with support you need in tough times.

~good luck~
konfuzd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th April 2006, 11:11 AM   #8
New Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 1
I've gone through something similiar. A Best Friend of mine died 10 years ago, he was involved in a motorcycle accident. We were growing somewhat apart and hadn't hung out for awhile. He called on a Monday to say "hey" and we made plans to hang out the upcoming Friday, something we use to do three times a week, bowling. On Wednesday, I got a call from his wife (they were split up) saying he was in a coma. A week went by before he passed. For some reason, I've never put it behind me.

As far as best friends after that, a few came and went but they didn't last more than a year or two. I wasn't exactly the nicest person, friend-wise, after that situation and with my best friend losing his life. I assume I developed a crappy attitude, maybe being too protective maybe or acting like I know it all (weird, I never did that before his death).

I've heard friendships don't last too long in this day and age? Or I am just picking them wrong.

I think it's similiar to 2020vision, I put up a wall to block things out (and being a jerk about things

My advice is to meet friends that are VERY similiar to yourself and do not try and use those friends to replace what you have lost. I think my problem is that I have tried to mold my friendships after that situation, to mold them into what he was so as closest as I could get it. I didn't think of it as manipulation but now looking back, I don't blame many of my friends after that point, to walk away (I think I answered my own question).

Just don't end up doing what I did ... I've lost people that I become friends with at that time, who eventually became a best friend to me, only for me to give them crap and chase them away.
VikodiN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd April 2006, 12:54 AM   #9
Guest
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Wink What to do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2020vision
Not sure if this is the correct forum for this..but here goes.. My best friend died about 2 years ago. She had a lung disease called Cystic Fibrosis. We were the closest of friends for 10 years. She was like my sister. It was devistating, and to this day...it still is. I find myself having trouble making friends, and at the risk of sounding like a loser, I only have a handful of people that I would actually call my friends. Everyone I meet just does not seem to chalk up to the friendship we had and I just put this "wall" up I guess...I know, its sounds ridiculous like I am talking about an ex boyfriend or something..But unfortunatley its how I feel. Any advice on how to get over this??

I think that you should just let her go. I had to do the same thing when my friend moved to Indiana 4 years ago. But if you hold on to her forever you are never going to get any better. So get rid of everything of hers that you have and store it somewhere. Keep only 1 picture and 1 really special thing that she wanted you to keep and have forever. Then cleanse your soul and try going to yoga classes and keep down on your stress lavel. Learning from my mom you can get pretty mad when you get stressed. Sometimes stress can lead to depression so you don't want to have alot of stress. After you do this see if you can make some new friends. And remember you don't have to be a kid in order to make a new friend.
  Reply With Quote
Old 25th April 2006, 10:43 PM   #10
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Iowa
Posts: 40
I've been dealing with that situation myself. Over 11 years ago my best friend died...went to the hospital and I visited him a couple of times. The day before I was going to see him again he developed a nasty infection that killed him. For the longest time I shut everyone out except three friends I still had at that time. Everyone else I walked away from basically.

Eventually, I started to make friends again...and I'm the type of person who only has a small handful of friends. It just took time for me to do so...and time will heal all wounds and eventually you'll open up and let people in again.
BruiserKC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th May 2006, 3:15 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Woggle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Santa Monica California
Posts: 28,135
I saw my best friend murdered right before my eyes and the best thing you can do is remember the good times and know that they are at peace wherever they are. I know that he wants me to live my lifed to it's fullest and make new friends. I am sure your friend does wherever she is as well.
__________________
You know people have completely lost it when you can no longer tell the difference between real headlines and Onion headlines.
Woggle is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Literally scared to death: Online Clingy Female Friend Far Away Dude Friends and Lovers 0 29th November 2005 12:55 AM
How do you come to terms with the death of a friend or family member? meanon Coping 22 21st March 2004 10:15 AM
How can I help my friend deal with his father's death? julietverni Friendship 1 29th September 2003 9:16 PM
How deal with the death of a friend R2litefan Coping 1 7th July 2003 1:05 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 2:57 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.