lexington Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 I went out with this girl for 3 years. When we broke up, we remained friends. I know this is usually thought of as myth, but, we really did remain friends. Close friends. Never had sex afterwards. Never got back together. I actually started considering her kind of like the sister I never had. I have no sexual feelings for her anymore. Nor does she, me. We have been friends for three years. Shes been through two or three relationships since WE broke up. I havent gotten jealous or angry or any of the common things you hear about. I really thought of our friendship as real and genuine considering men and women generally cannot be friends with or without ever being boy/girlfriend. Just very special. Until recently. She met a new guy in the last few months. This didnt effect me at all until she called me recently and told me that she and I could no longer be friends. I asked why and she said that its disrespectful to her new guy. My immediate reaction was...."To her new guy???" How?? You have known him for less than two months. You've known me for 6 years. We both know we have no feelings for eachother. If we wanted to be together,...we WOULD have by now. So whats the problem? Is this guy that insecure? Does my friend not trust herself with me? Is she THAT desperate that she is willing to sh#t can a long friendship to secure some steady tail? I really thought we had alot stronger of a relationship than that. Wondered if I could get some feedback on this.....? Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Is this guy that insecure? Yes. He has probably voiced his opinion on your friendship and told her it is either him or you. She feels strong enough about him and would rather end your friendship than lose him. Close friendships between the opposite sexes are usually doomed because of insecurities in people. You have to ask yourself: if you had a g/f who had a close male friend would you feel threatened? Only secure people are not threatened. You could ask her to meet her new guy so he could see that you have no romantic interest in her. If he is willing you might stay friends or if she breaks up with him she will be calling you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexington Posted January 30, 2006 Author Share Posted January 30, 2006 Believe me,.........I dont just spout off opinions without thinking them through. I put myself in others positions before I act or speak. I have thought of that. I would be fine with ANY and ALL friends my new girlfriend had before I came into her life. Who the hell am I to expect anyone to dump friends FOR ME? What if it didnt work out? Then what? She ends a friendship for me and then we break up? Now she doesnt have a boyfriend OR a friend. People need to get over themselves. I have had a female friend in my life since I was in 8th grade. Her names Jenny. Jenny and I still talk to this day. I would NEVER 86 her from my life for anyone. That,.....is TRUE friendship. Not this selfishness of "Oh,...someone new is in my life,...so YOU'RE out" Link to post Share on other sites
big-dumbass Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 lexington, I feel for you, buddy. My situation is in a very similar spot as yours, and my feelings run the gambit from sad and disappointed to just pissed off at her. However, both of our options here are quite limited. We either gracefully accept the end of this friendship, or we make a stink about it. Either way, when the girl wants to disengage to focus on her new relationship, that is what she will do. The best thing you can do, and what I am doing as well, is to just let her go her own way. We haven't talked for the past 3 days and this is after daily contact for over 3 years. If she calls, I plan on being as friendly as I can, but hiding my feelings of "betrayal" are not easy for me. I feel it would be a big mistake for me to attempt to remain in her life at this point, but if she wants to return to the friendship, I think I still want that. I do wonder about not feeling "secure" about her emotional support in the future when it can be this easily withdrawn, though. You might take heart in the high probability that she will want to rekindle the friendship when the "new" wears off this relationship. think carefully about letting her back into your life to the same degree as before. big-dumbass Link to post Share on other sites
Shark Skin Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I know it won't be easy ,but be the bigger person. Let her know that a friendship is unconditional and you can't just be a friend of convenience, and MOVE ON. The guy obviously feels threatened by you because your a guy, it's so childish. If she is willing to give up a longtime friendship for a short-term relationship(Because if the guy is that insecure, it won't last) than so be it, don't let it ruin your life. Link to post Share on other sites
PlentyLV007 Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 I was put in this situation w/ my ex about 4 years ago. He had a best friend and always talked on the phone and they always went out and what not. I mean I trusted him when he said, I don't see her that way..., or I wouldn't hook up with her. Okay...I put myself out there and trusted him w/ it. Was she attractive? yes but I'm not insecure in that aspect. Only if my partner gives me a reason to be. Now it just happened where they did end up hooking up after two years. It hurt because I grew a friendship with her as well. So... I ended up walking out the door. I mean...regardless in one aspect or another....when it comes to female and male friendships..."sometimes" there is always one person who feels attracted to the other and one day it "might" happen....not all friendships between female and male...but...some. Link to post Share on other sites
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