Disinvited to wedding - PLEASE ADVISE!!

[Georgiegirl]

Between the ages of 14 and 23 (I'm now 24), I was a kleptomaniac. I stole anything I could, mostly things I didn't even want or need. However I got caught (for the first time) last year and vowed never to steal again. And I haven't. My best friend and her boyfriend knew all about this. Well last year, I was at a party at my best friend's boyfriend's house and 2 wallets got stolen.

 

He called me the next day and accused me of stealing them, saying if I brought them back he would forgive me. I told him I didn't take them (which I didn’t) and he hung up on me. He hasn't spoken to me since then.

I can understand why he is convinced that it was me, and I have no way of proving that it wasn't. My best friend says she believes me but I don't think she does. This whole situation has been a nightmare.

 

Well they got engaged recently and we have all been looking forward to the wedding. She called me last night and told me that her fiancée did not want me at the wedding. She said she tried to convince him otherwise but he was still angry about it. I am so upset. I understand how he feels but now it's palpable how much he hates me - for something I didn't do!! One of the worst things about this situation is how to explain to all of our friends why I won't be at the wedding. I don't want to tell them the truth because I know that most of them won't believe my side of the story either.

 

I am so devastated about not being invited, and I feel sick about the story coming out. I don't even know if I can continue being friends with my best friend. I love her but she has not defended me. Does anyone have any advice??

[whichwayisup]

That is awful, and I feel for you.

 

All I can say is keep the friendship going with your bestfriend. She is YOUR friend, you don't have to be his. Yes, he will be a huge part of her life but you two can still have girl time together.

 

I believe you when you say you didn't take the wallets. And I believe that if you did take them, you would have returned them as well.

 

I feel for you and I'm sorry this is happening. I do hope he comes around and changes his mind. Maybe write them a letter, tell them HOW important the friendship is and that you're getting help. (I assume that you sought out a therapist to help you with the kleptomania? If not, do so and tell them you're bettering yourself and doing something to change for the good.)

 

You have a good heart and I hope they cut you some slack.

[Georgiegirl]

I am seeing a therapist and I have the problem under control. My best friend and her fiancee know this. I know that they both care about me but they just don't want the wedding ruined because I'm there. The people who had their wallets stolen also blame me and they are best man and one of the bridesmaids. So if I showed up at the wedding, there would be major friction and weirdness. They just want the day to go smoothly. Unfortunately that means cutting me out.

 

My best friend is really upset about the whole thing and showed up at my house with a bottle of wine. We talked it over and she said how sorry she is about everything but the fact is I cannot be a part of the wedding.

 

I desperately want to remain friends with her but a part of me just feels so devestated and angry and upset - maybe it's just my pride, but I feel like she doesn't deserve my friendship anymore.

 

Any more advice? I am really hurting here.

[whichwayisup]

I offer you a hug and I do feel sad that this is going on. I would hope that they would be abit more understanding, especially because they both know you are seeing a therapist.

 

Give yourself time to grieve and deal with all the emotions. Don't decide to end the friendship yet. Time does heal all wounds...

 

The friendship won't be the same as it once was, but it could still be there if it's what you want.

[JayKay]

It will take people time to trust you again, unfortunately.

 

Until they do, they will still look at you as a kleptomaniac. Just keep living as best a life you can and eventually some people will come around to your side. The ones who don't.....well, they just don't.

 

We are all judged on our past actions and it can be long struggle to overcome them. Sometimes it takes years to get others' to believe in us again. Just keep the friends you have and don't alienate them when they are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

Your friend doesn't need stress at the wedding -- it's already a stressful day.

 

As much as it hurts to be excluded, time will pass and their will be other experiences to share with her.

[Bloom]

I feel really bad for you because I know what it's like to make major mistakes and then have to re-earn trust. Your friend is stuck between her husband and you. I'd try to be understanding and forgive them for this. Weddings are stressful and it's easy to worry about everything going well. I worried about how my divorced parents would act. So please don't take it too personally. Let them know that you understand their feelings and that you are really looking forward to seeing their wedding video. And it would help to tell them that you hope in time, they'll trust you again because it's important to you that they do. If you take this attitude they might even change their mind because you are so understanding! As far as the wedding, it is afterall only one day/one party in the life of your friendship. As an added bonus, you won't have to worry about being blamed for something that goes wrong.

 

I do know how it feels to be falsely accused and it's not fun. And being left out is not fun either. With my major mistake, I know why people don't like me anymore and I lost most of my friends. It's made me a stronger person. Not everyone can forgive easily but I can forgive myself and hold my head high. I think in time people will see that I'm not a bad apple just because I made mistakes. We are afterall still learning as we go along. :-)

 

Take care and I hope you can feel better about this soon.