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Where's Chocs?


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Old 16th December 2005, 10:35 PM   #1
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Where's Chocs?

Hi.

I went for a Christmas dinner date the other day with a bunch of friends. One guy (Chocs) and his wife didn't show up on time. I tried to phone and text him, but no response, so the bunch of us who were there waited a little longer (45 mins in all). Chocs didn't show, so we decided to order food and carry on with the evening. No word from Chocs until a few days later - Chocs showed up on the usual messenger (while at work) and pasted the conversation below between himself and BM-Prime (another friend in the group).


Here's that conversation...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Message Conversation chocs and BMP
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BM-Prime (09:42:45): Have you had something very bad happen to you the last few days?

Chocs (09:43:15): No just been ill. Yeah sorry I missed the Xmas dinner

BM-Prime (09:43:44): sorry you were ill, but I have to say that is not good enough! :-(

Chocs (09:44:04): eatme :-D

BM-Prime (09:44:29): i'm being serious. i've got to ask you this... are you really totally unaware that was you did is the height of rudeness? and you've done it several times before. Because is it VERY rude.

Chocs (09:45:27): Several before I was late ?

BM-Prime (09:45:34): you agreed to come. your friends were all expecting you because you didn't tell us you were not going to come. we waited for almost an hour expecting you to show up, unless your completely unaware let me spell it out to you then... If you agree to something with friends, you at least give them the courtesy to let them know you won't be coming or that your are going to be late. IT IS STANDARD MANNERS!!! To not say anything IS VERY BAD MANNERS. The other people have no idea what's going on, so we wait for you etc. You mess up perfectly good plans for the whole group. If we know you're not coming then we can get on with things but if we dont know, we, as your friends will wait for you and expect you because all along you've said you are coming. You ask anyone about this. It is normal manners to let people know if you can't stick to agreed arrangements, it's one thing perhaps if you're going to a massive gathering where your presence wont be missed in the slightest but what we arranged was for our group of intimate friends. WE NEED TO KNOW THE SCORE COS IT AFFECTS THE GROUP!!! That's what you seem to fail to understand. Even last years meal - you agreed to go - fine I thought - we arranged to meet at the car park and go on from there. The time came where 2p-worth met us at the car park and we were waiting for you. You didn't tell us anything then I had to ring you, which was RIDICULOUS and you were at home and you only then said to me you may not come. Of course you did come in the end but that's not the point here. You don't let anyone know. The rest of the group is standing around like lemons, going 'where's Chocs?', 'i'm sure he'll be along any minute', 'cos he hasn't phoned to tell us he's running late'. You know me, I don't want us to fall out over something like this BUT I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING!!!! You really have to learn this if you don't know already. It's like what if one day we invite you round for dinner, cook a big dinner get it all ready - and you don't show up, not even a text or phonecall. Anyway, that's my lot for now - you show this conversation to anyone you like. Is it a cultural thing? (forgive me if this suggestion is wrong?) Is that acceptable in your home culture? Well i'm just saying what you do is bang out of line in UK culture. I've said my lot now! 8-)

Chocs (10:03:26): Happier now ?

BM-Prime (10:03:41): I will be if you actually learn! :-)

Chocs (10:04:01): :-)

BM-Prime (10:05:16): just so you know it's not just me 'being funny' everyone was of the same opinion the other night, the bad thing that could happen if you carry on doing that in your life, is that people will learn and not invite you to gatherings in future. it's a behaviour that could cut yourself off from things in future - i'm speaking in a general sense and give you and your wife a very bad rude reputation with people. That's the way it is in the real world dude, so please learn from this and we can all get along a LOT smoother in future. Lateness / absense - Common courtesy to let the people know.

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Message end
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My questions are:-

1. Would everyone agree it is standard manners to let your friends know about lateness / absence for a date or meeting - if its a small group - say 6 people?

2. Is BM-Prime justified in launching his rant (CAPS indicates shouting).

3. Is it likely BM-Prime is being pressured by his fiance (who attended) to give up his friends? Note that although I too asked Chocs what happened, it was a simple question as opposed to... (see below) Apparently there was more to the conversation - but I wasn't pasted that.

4. Where is this friendship ultimately going? 2 of the 6 are still single. The other 4 are couples. We've all known each other for over 10 years (some of us over 15 years) and unfortunately there's been some bad blood in that time where we've not all spoken... We're all talking again now though but how long will that last?
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Old 22nd December 2005, 12:07 AM   #2
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no responses.

No response? Is this thread that bad?
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Old 23rd December 2005, 5:12 AM   #3
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Way out of order

I notice BM-Prime was ranting most of the way. I wonder why he never even ask why or what happened ?

I notice the ranting was only one way and chocs never fight back ?

I personally would go straight in and ask happened and why etc etc. Get the full story on why chocs didn't turn up or phone. Then after hearing the story, if I consider the story was full of B***. Then I would have my rant and blow up.

Beside did any other member of the group did any ranting towards chocs ? Why only BM-Priime made such a fuss ?
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Old 23rd December 2005, 5:32 AM   #4
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I have to agree that it was rude of chocs to not show and not call. In this particular situation, everyone there was waiting on him. They delayed ordering with the expectation that he would be there at any time.

And if this is a recurring problem, then yeah, something should be said about it. Either that or you no longer invite chocs for group outings and get togethers anymore.

I would venture to guess that if the group had started without chocs and he had shown up late he probably would have been offended that the rest of the group hadn't waited for him.

It is common courtesy to call if you need to cancel. Why do you think doctors charge you for an office visit if you miss an appointment? Because it takes away the time of others.
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Old 23rd December 2005, 6:05 AM   #5
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Disagree

I disagree with that.

Mate's as mates. There was a group there and the whole group could entertain each other. If chocs had problem and couldn't turn up, and his mind was drifted away from his appointment. BM-Prime could at least had the curtesy to check before having the rant.

I know that chocs could at least phone. But still, no one had the rant except BM-Prime.
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Old 23rd December 2005, 6:24 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2p worth
BM-Prime (09:42:45): Have you had something very bad happen to you the last few days?

Chocs (09:43:15): No just been ill. Yeah sorry I missed the Xmas dinner
BM-Prime did ask before he went into his rant. chocs was ill, that is a perfectly acceptable reason to not make the engagement. But a courtesy call by either him or his wife should be a no-brainer.

Just because they are friends does not excuse chocs for not thinking highly enough of his friends to let them know when he can't make it. Friends should have respect for each other. Chocs shouldn't expect his friends to give him respect if he doesn't show them respect in return.
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Old 23rd December 2005, 8:23 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Devildog
It is common courtesy to call if you need to cancel. Why do you think doctors charge you for an office visit if you miss an appointment? Because it takes away the time of others.
What then, should Chocs be charged for missing a xmas dinner with his mates?
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Old 23rd December 2005, 8:45 AM   #8
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Perhaps a butt chewing by BM-Prime?

If Chocs was throwing a party for his friends, spent time preparing for their arrival, and none of them showed up without even calling, what would Chocs' reaction be?
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Old 23rd December 2005, 1:18 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Devildog
If Chocs was throwing a party for his friends, spent time preparing for their arrival, and none of them showed up without even calling, what would Chocs' reaction be?





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