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How can I tell my friend this w/o hurting our friendship?


mopar crazy

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Maybe it's just me but I feel like I'm being used, or taken advantage of. I want to put a stop to it w/o ruining my friendship w/ my co-worker. I will try to make this post short, sorry if it gets too long. My children use to be bused home at our other home in the country so I didn't have to pick them up from school. Well,since we moved out of the bus district I have to pick them up b/c their is no bussing to our home. B4 I was taking my break to pick up my kids from school and then go back to work to finish my shift. My co-worker asked me if I could pick up her child and bring her back w/ me. I had NP w/ that b/c I was going there anyway and coming back to work. My co-worker told me I should just skip my breaks and take off a half an hour early so I could just leave and not come back to work. I decided to go ahead and do that and my supervisor had NP w/ it. Well, my co-worker never asked me if I could continue to pick up her child from school even though I was going there to pick up my child. Yest I started my new hours. I went to go pick up my child from school and there is my co-workers child wanting a ride (11 yo). Of course I gave her a ride and had to go out of my way to do so. I didn't know if her mom had spoke to her but I told her I changed my shift and was no longer going to go back to work after I picked up my child and she said ok. Well, I get ready to leave work 2day and just as I was getting ready to walk out the door my co-workers child called wanting to know if she was coming to pick her up. Her mom told her that she did not get off until 4:00, she would have to wait at the school or I was on my way out to pick up my son so I would be there shortly. I had not planned on picking up her daughter and driving clear back to work, clear out of my way, to take her child to her mom. Well, I get to the school and there is my co-workers child, waiting for me to take her to her mom. Of course I was not going to turn this child down and make her walk in the rain so I took her to her mom, back to where I work. She can easily stay at the school until 4:00 which she did b4 I was picking my child up from school as they rode the bus. I just got off work, it's clear out of my way. I didn't mind at all picking her child up from school when I was going back to work where mom was, but now that I don't have to go back to work b/c I changed my hours I do not want to pick her child up. She had to figure out what to do w/ her b4 I started picking my kids up b4 (when they rode the bus) why is she expecting me to pick her up now? It takes me an extra 10-15 minutes, not to mention gas, and mileage on my car to drive out of my way to take this child back to her mom. I live 20 miles from my job, I don't want to be driving all over to take her child to her mom. If it were on my way it would be no big deal. I have been adviced by other friends to tell her since I am no longer coming back to work I wont be able to pick her child up. I never offered, and she never asked me if I could do it when my hours changed but now she is thinks I am going to do it b/c I was doing it b4. How can I tell her I no longer want to go out of my way to pick up her child?

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The only way to tell her is just to do it. Dont give her a chance to get he "feelings" hurt or anything be blunt .Just explian matter-of-fact , that it's out of your way. End of story .If her child continues to show up , stop giving her rides.

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The only way to tell her is just to do it. Dont give her a chance to get he "feelings" hurt or anything be blunt .Just explian matter-of-fact , that it's out of your way. End of story .If her child continues to show up , stop giving her rides.

 

 

Thanks tink and Becoming. I'm such a ppl pleasurer it's crazy. And knowing me, if her child continues to show up and wanting a rides I will sorry for her and give her a ride b/c it's hard for me to not help out someone, especially a child. But at what point does helping another person turn into being taken advantage of?

 

I will agree to pick her up one day a week as school gets out an hour early and I have to go back to work anyhow, but the other days of the week she needs to make other arrangements. I wasn't giving her child a ride b4 so there is no reason why I have to now.

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Thanks tink and Becoming. I'm such a ppl pleasurer it's crazy. And knowing me, if her child continues to show up and wanting a rides I will sorry for her and give her a ride b/c it's hard for me to not help out someone, especially a child. But at what point does helping another person turn into being taken advantage of?

 

I think she's already taken advantage of you. By the sounds of it, you have tried to tell her this is no longer possible, and her daughter still showed up for a lift. To do that is taking advantage of your good nature because she knows you won't leave her child there.

 

Just explain to her, nicely like you have here, that it simply it's convenient anymore. Good luck!! ;)

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I think she's already taken advantage of you. By the sounds of it, you have tried to tell her this is no longer possible, and her daughter still showed up for a lift. To do that is taking advantage of your good nature because she knows you won't leave her child there.

 

Just explain to her, nicely like you have here, that it simply it's convenient anymore. Good luck!! ;)

Thanks littlekitty for your advice, I appreciate it.

 

Update on the situation: I talked to my friend today. I told her I hated asking her but was there any other arragments she could make for transporting her child from school b/c I would like to go straight home instead of coming back to work to drop her off. I told her I would continue to pick her up one day a week when they get out early though b/c I had to go back to work anyhow. She said that I didn't need to pick up her child b/c she could stay after school and go to homework lab until she got off work and she had told her that she could stay at the school until she got off. She seemed to understand but she wouldn't make eye contact w/ me. Could be that she was busy working on the computer or she wasn't happy about it.

 

Thanks again all for your advice.

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