I Feel Betrayed - Am I wrong?

[MEWCKR]

Might be long - I apologize.

 

I had some real mean/violent/annoying friends growing up and I thought that it was just the neighborhood I was living in. In high school I was looking for at least one decent person to make up for all the horrible friendships of my childhood.

 

I met him after two years in high school. We really hit it off great. We treated each other like brothers. Our families got along well together and we saw one another all the time. I was really picky with the girls. Not that I couldn't find a girl to 'mix' with. Everyone teased me for being so picky. He didn't make much of a big deal out of that. He would do other questionable things.

 

He would invite me out for the night. Some 15 minutes into the night we would meet up with A girl. One thing leads to another and they're swapping spit in front of me. I watch and feel helpless. What is a guy to do? So I stand and watch (with my back to the action of course). After around three minutes - I gather the balls to say, "I live down the block, I'll talk to you later." He replies, "Its okay we're done," - as he continues for the next two minutes.

 

This was the usual occurrence. This didn't happen all the time, but it happened. There are also other scenarios where I'm dragged out to hang with him and one of his nasty girlfriends at the time. Third wheel as usual. I didn't complain and I tried to bury my deep feelings of disrespect emanating from my friend.

 

I didn't talk behind his back - I didn't wish him death. I just felt very uncomfortable with the whole thing. I didn't feel this was worth hurting a friendship over. No one is perfect right? Maybe this was normal? Who am I to complain? A small part of me grew to hate him but I always hid it anyway. Our good times outweighed the bad for the most part.

 

We went to the same college. We're roommates. The first year at college, I found the girl that I’ve waited years for - got lucky to be honest. At first I wasn't so publicly affectionate with her. Then this other girl met my roommate through me. Initially it was obvious she was into me, but I was taken by the girl of my dreams. She went after my friend. They would hang out in bed, flirt and make out for long periods of time - sometimes at night. I tried to respect my friend's privacy as best I could. I ignored it for as much as I could until it became a needle poking at my eye ball.

 

I became very 'affectionate' with my girlfriend in return for these actions that I inferred to be subtle insults. Even after both ended their sessions - I continued mine. Obviously he didn't consider my feelings in that matter and I began to feel the same. He never complained to me, just like I never complained to him. I thought he would just live with it, just like I have for the past several years of our friendship.

 

Before college he had met this girl that he chased after, for months on end. He was on her balls, and she was a fox. She didn't like him in return and made no real effort to see him. He wouldn't take the hint. She held on to him merely for the conversations over the phone. He knew it - I knew it. He was always real upset about it and I felt bad. I advised him like a true friend and told him to ditch her. With his permission I told her to leave him alone or make an effort to be a real girlfriend. I was his voice of reason.

 

I never knew that this girl - that he grew to hate - will be the person he will betray me for. I continued to be physical with my girlfriend in my bed, under the covers. He was the last person, I thought, that would turn out to be an utter hypocrite.

 

I started to get bad vibes from him. Being the nosy bastard I am, one day I decided to read his AIM logs. The conversations I found totally shocked me. Let me sum up what I found in his conversations with this girl that totally treated him like chopped meat.

 

I am...

 

- Dirty lazy, pig

- Hairy, little monkey

- Not handsome

- Lucky to be with this girl

- Don't deserve this girl

- Don't clean the room

 

He...

- Admits to making fun of me behind my back with my associates

- Watches and catalogues everything I do with my girlfriend

- Thinks I am rude to do the same thing he did to me back to him

- Thinks I may be doing this for all the times he has done it to me

- Makes me look bad to his parents that really liked me.

 

He was always aware that what he was doing in front of my eyes was wrong. He just thought I'd be all quiet, like a weak minded person that just forgets.

 

Am I going insane or is this really how a true friend should act? What are your thoughts?

 

By the way, I know I'm an a**h*** for reading his logs. I just like making sure that people I entrust are really the people they make themselves out to be.