legrtova Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 Hey guys...long story short, I hurt a friend last night. We met few years ago when he was here on a business trip. He lives in a different state, but we became friends and a little more for a short while, he came to see me about a year and a half ago. THen we lost touch (we sent an occasional IM). Recently we started talking again, and he now lives in the same state I do. He knows I'm going through a very emotional break up, I was very clear about how I feel and that any guy presence around me makes me a bit 'jumpy', etc. So last night I had friends wedding party to go to with another friend of mine, and he drove 2 hours to join us. I never said he could stay over (normally that wouldn't be an issue and he would be more then welcome to crash on my couch, but I cannot afford it emotionally right now). He started rubbing my shoulders and I lost it. I got mean (and drunk...bad combo), he took me outside to talk and I told him what I thought. My other friend and him had a fight when the other friend stood up for me after being called names. What can I say...more drama in life. Well, he said he was hurt and left after stating he wanted to spend time with me and me replying that it is really not good time for me. I feel bad...he was a good friend who came to see me and I rejected him and hurt him without even blinking... I don't know if I should call him, or wait few days and call him or what. Please help? I feel he wanted to use my vulnerability, but I'm not so sure about it. I certainly shouldn't have acted like I did. Any advice on how to not loose a friend? Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 Being your friend means being there for you when you need a friend. It doesn't mean trying to move in when you are obviously hurt and confused. I don't think male/female relationships work when one person wants the other person. I've learned this the hard way as most of my friends growing up, in college, and beyond were men. At the end, I realized that most of these guys weren't really my friends since they were just waiting for the right opportunity to hit on me. I'm not saying to forget about him as a friend- maybe you should call him and let him know he made you uncomfortable and it's not what you needed that night- you needed A FRIEND and he let you down. Link to post Share on other sites
legrtova Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 thank you, I haven't looked at it from that perspective. Knowing him, it will be all about how I hurt HIM. He thinks I'm extremelly strong and doesn't believe me when I say I am very hurt. Well, in past I never was very hurt, but this time it's different. I think I will call him when I clear my mind, listen to what he has to say, say what I want to say, and see what happens? Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 I think waiting until your mind is clear and calling him is a good idea. You do need to tell him that you are not interested in anything now, but if you don't think you will EVER be interested- let him know that you see him as a friend and don't think that will change. Leave it up to him to decide if he still wants a friendship. Beware though- if he is into you, he is not 100% your friend- maybe only 60-70% Link to post Share on other sites
legrtova Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 hoogie thanks again. I got an email from him today saying that he expects me to put a lot of effort into our friendship if i want it to last. Ugh! We talked afterwards, talked it out (calmly) and decided that it's for the best if we don't hang out for a while until we are sure that we won't hurt each other like this again. I am pretty happy with the outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 That's great. Focus on YOU for now. Do things that make YOU happy. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
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