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How do I keep my friend from getting hurt?


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Old 20th September 2005, 8:45 PM   #1
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How do I keep my friend from getting hurt?

Quite a few months ago, my friend R had a crush on this guy M. This guy B was also asking her out. He called her from every city he was in while his band was on tour and when he would describe to her the kind of girl he wanted, he was basically describing her (Asian, church-going, etc.). Her inital reaction was that she didn't really like him, wasn't attracted to him, and wasn't so sure she wanted to date him because he was a virgin. (Mostly because she didn't find him attractive.)

Eventually, I met M and B. M was moderately attractive and seemed like a decent guy. B was really fun and actually pretty dang hot. I told her as much, and that she was crazy for not wanting to date him because he's "not cute". I also told her that if I wasn't "talking" to another guy he knew, I'd steal him for myself. After that, she seemed to take much more interest in him. She started saying she was falling for him, and he seemed to be quite interested in her too. -- The day I met him, he kept putting his arms around her and gave her a little lap dance at the club we were at. When we left the club that night, she told him on the phone that she was starting to like him.

So I started talking to one of B's friends, and he invited me to a fair they were going to. B posted on his myspace about it too (which R doesn't have because she hates it). I assumed B had invited her, but when I asked her about it, he hadn't told her. When she asked him, he said he'd just forgotten to tell her. So she came with me to the fair, but he didn't spend much time with her that night.

Talking to his friend later, I found out B hadn't invited her on purpose. Apparently, at some point, he stopped being interested in her. This was before we'd went to the club, and when she'd told him she was starting to like him, he told all his friends in the car, "Guys, I'm in trouble." When B found out she was going to the fair, his reaction was that if the girl he liked happened to be there, R was just going to have to see them together and get the point.

I know his friend was telling me the truth, because when the 3 of us were out last weekend, B was complaining about women, and I jokingly asked him, "Are you having girl problems?" His answer was that his only problem is with a girl who he likes as a friend but who likes him much more.

So, I want to try to keep my friend from getting hurt. I can imagine the way she would feel if she saw him all over some other girl. But when I say anything slightly less encouraging about being with him, she jokes (maybe half-jokes) that it's because I want him for myself. Which I don't in case any one was thinking that. I do find him attractive, but I don't think the way he's handling this situation is at all appealing (as well as the fact that his innocent virgin boy act, while technically accurate, is just a front that "coincidentally" gets him women who want to be his first).

If he liked her, I'd be all for them getting together. But I feel partly responsible because I encouraged her to want to be with him instead of the guy she liked more in the first place.

Any advice on what I should do? Should I just stay out of it?
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Old 21st September 2005, 5:05 PM   #2
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Any thoughts? I know my friend is a strong girl and she's not going to fall to pieces over this, but I'd like to keep her from having to find out in the worst way possible. She's not a person to say that she's falling for someone lightly. She's liked him for months now, and he keeps taking her out and leading her on.

I was thinking about having a talk with this guy. Does that sound like a bad idea?
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Old 21st September 2005, 6:04 PM   #3
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I don't blame you for being worried about your friend, but at this point, it's best to stay out of it totally. Point out other guys to her to be interested in. She'll eventually get over this one.

If you tell your friend what B said, she may get upset with you or accuse you of wanting to date this guy.

Talking to B won't make him stop flirting or saying things. He isn't forced to flirt with your friend and if he thinks he's that much of a hot tamale he's a silly a$$. If he's not interested he'll avoid her.
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Old 21st September 2005, 7:11 PM   #4
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Thanks for the advice. I just feel so bad when she talks about him. I want to tell her, but I know I shouldn't.

They see each other pretty much every day, because they work at the same place, and he's a major flirt, so I don't think he's going to stop. He's just going to keep playing "I'm just a poor guy who has this crazy girl after me who won't get the hint", when from what I've seen with my own eyes, he's not exactly trying very hard to get it across...

I guess I'll just try to avoid going out with her to any places where he might be too.
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Old 22nd September 2005, 11:20 PM   #5
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I dont get it
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Old 23rd September 2005, 11:18 AM   #6
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Hey crazygurl ,
If i was you move on and find someone else.. You know she likes this guy and you know how she feels so be a friend and don't do that to her ..Tell this guy your not interested if you don't she will hate you.. My best friend slept with my b/f i was dating .. He took us home from work then he left my house to take her home and they slept together .. I will never be as close to her as i was because she betrayed me and i couldn't forget her.. Her b/f always made moves on me all the time but i never would except the offer .. You just don't do that and he was fine as hell .. I thought of our friendship more!! Trust me be her friend and let her have him and move on...
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Old 23rd September 2005, 11:32 AM   #7
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If your ex means more to you than her friends, then never date your exs friends.
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Old 23rd September 2005, 12:01 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilmoma1973
Hey crazygurl ,
If i was you move on and find someone else.. You know she likes this guy and you know how she feels so be a friend and don't do that to her ..Tell this guy your not interested if you don't she will hate you.. My best friend slept with my b/f i was dating .. He took us home from work then he left my house to take her home and they slept together .. I will never be as close to her as i was because she betrayed me and i couldn't forget her.. Her b/f always made moves on me all the time but i never would except the offer .. You just don't do that and he was fine as hell .. I thought of our friendship more!! Trust me be her friend and let her have him and move on...
lilmoma, I appreciate your advice, but maybe you just skimmed my post or I wasn't clear enough. I'm not interested in this guy at all.

My dilema is that he's not interested in her anymore, but he doesn't seem to care if she finds that out in the worst way possible (seeing him with another girl), and that's very possible considering that last weekend we almost went to a place where I later found out he was all over another girl. She doesn't even know he's 'that type' of guy, because he's got her convinced that he's this moral church-going boy.

And, thinking he shared her feelings because of his behavior toward her, I nudged her toward liking him. So even though I know it's not my fault, I still feel somewhat responsible. I just wish there was a way I could 'tone down' her interest in him before she sees him with another girl without her thinking that I'm trying to sabatage things for her.
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Old 23rd September 2005, 12:02 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezywayout
If your ex means more to you than her friends, then never date your exs friends.
Thanks for your response, but it doesn't apply to my post. There are no exs involved here, and I'm not interested in dating anyone I mentioned.

Thanks anyway though.
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