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Is it ever approiprate to date an friends ex?


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Do you think it is EVER approiate to date a friends ex?

 

What if it doesn't bother you if the friendship disolves due to it?

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dating ex's of friends & family is considered taboo, unless 1. that person gives you unsolicted permission to date or 2 you don't care about your relationship w/that person if it should disolve.

 

 

If you do decide to date him/her, how will you feel if they later on decide to get back together with their ex?

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What if it doesn't bother you if the friendship disolves due to it?

 

Once people are split up, they can date anyone they want to.

 

It's not a bad idea to be honest with your friend and let her decide if she's still fine with being friends with you or not. She doesn't have a right to tell you (or the ex) who to date, but you can't expect her to wish you well either. That way it's all out in the open.

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One of the nastiest things you can do to a friend is to date their ex. It is just completely wrong and cruel.

 

The only two ways it would be ok would be if you talked to your friend first and asked her how she would feel about it and she said ok (but make sure she is not just SAYING that. Really quiz her. She might say "sure" to be nice but it might kill her inside.)

 

The other way that I think it would be ok would be that if you knew absolutely for certain that you had met your soul mate and had found true love. But by absolutely sure I mean you know without a doubt that you want to marry this man and spend your life with him. In that case you should still talk to her and explain why you are taking such a step. ("I found true love, this is the man for me above all others, and the one I want to marry...I don't want to hurt you and would never do this if it hadn't been the man God sent for me to be with forever...") Don't hurt a friend unless you know it is real. After all, real once-in-a-lifetime love is stronger than any other bonds, even friendship. But only the real thing. And not a crush or an interest or anything like that. And I doubt that you have been able to get to know this man well enough to be certain that he is the "once in a lifetime" catch.

 

If you do not value her friendship, why call her a friend? Just call her an aquaintance. If she is just an aquaintance, it might be more acceptable as long as you talk to her first. After all, she might value your friendship and it could still hurt her a lot.

 

Good luck!

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big_girls_rock

I totally agree with Lynnard- its a line you should never cross because even though a friend says its ok- do you really know what he/she is feeling inside? Its just a big slap in the face- I wouldn't want anyones hand me downs. Just think- you are at a party introducing your friends ex to a group of friends- they ask how you met- you tell them I met so and so through my friend Jenny- yeah she's his ex. Dosn't sound right- and it seems a lil sleezy. My friend Lindsay has done that to our friend Ashley except it keeps happening and after 3 guys it REALLY looks bad.

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Do you think it is EVER approiate to date a friends ex?

 

What if it doesn't bother you if the friendship disolves due to it?

 

 

 

No it is NEVER Okay to date a friends ex.. It is the same with siblings ex's as well..

 

It is an unwritten rule nobody should break and if they do All Hell Will break loose in the friendship.

 

If it doesn't bother you if the friendship disolves then I would have to say that you need to look real hard in the mirror and ask yourself what type of person are you really..

I would think that it doesn't say very much about a person that would do it regardless if the person wants to remove the friendship or not

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RecordProducer
Once people are split up, they can date anyone they want to.

 

She doesn't have a right to tell you (or the ex) who to date, but you can't expect her to wish you well either.

 

I completely agree. :)

 

There are no rules. If she dumped someone 5 years ago, why wouldn't you date him now? However if she is a great friend and he just left her and she is suffering, it's not recommended unless you think he might the the love of your life and would choose him over a good friendship.

 

It's not illegal so it's a matter of choice that might cause consequences and possibly pain for someone.

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One time i did it to a good friend of mine, it turned out me and the girl didnt work out anyway. But im no longer friends with the kid, he hates my guts.

 

Now im in his shoes, my ex girlfriend (at least i think) wants to date a friend of mine, i think hes going to do it too. Its just wrong and a B@$terdly thing to do.

 

Speaking from expierence, I will never do it again.

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Do you think it is EVER approiate to date a friends ex?

 

No, never. Like BGR said, you can never know for sure how they really feel about it. If you have any interest in not hurting your friend, you should not do it.

 

What if it doesn't bother you if the friendship disolves due to it?

 

If you don't care if it ends, what kind of friendship is it really?

 

I suppose the answer depends on how much you are about your "friend's" feelings. If you do care, you should at least ask how they would feel and be honest about your intentions beforehand.

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No, never. Like BGR said, you can never know for sure how they really feel about it. If you have any interest in not hurting your friend, you should not do it.

This is a bit off topic, I must admit. But I wonder for those who are opposed to dating a friends' ex, if they see a problem in the following situation:

What if you and your friend are both single and have the hots for the same (wo)man? Should both agree then not to pursue him?

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What if you and your friend are both single and have the hots for the same (wo)man? Should both agree then not to pursue him?

 

That is a toughie D'Arthez..

I think when I was younger ( 20's ) we would've flipped for it or fling flang flu over her.

But today I think one of us might come up with the ability to bow out and give the other best wishes to go for it.

 

But i don't think there is a reason for both to not pursue ..

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RecordProducer
What if you and your friend are both single and have the hots for the same (wo)man? Should both agree then not to pursue him?

 

Then he/she should choose between the two friends! :D

I've never been in this situation, but if my GF says she likes some guy physically and he hits on me, I don't see why I should reject him just because she likes his ass. He could be the love of my life and I should sacrifice for a GF who would be jealous to see me kiss him? Hell I don't care!

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This is a bit off topic, I must admit. But I wonder for those who are opposed to dating a friends' ex, if they see a problem in the following situation:

What if you and your friend are both single and have the hots for the same (wo)man? Should both agree then not to pursue him?

 

Tough question. I think it depends. If a friend like him a lot before you met him, then it would not be acceptable to go after him or accept his advances until her attention had moved off him and she'd given the go ahead.

 

If it's someone you both met at relatively the same time or have known and started to like at the same time, you'd have to come to some kind of agreement (either which one goes for him or neither). Fighting for the same guy is definitely a bad idea.

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RecordProducer

But you're constanly imagining yourself in the position of the one who's taking the given guy over. Imagine for a moment that the situation is reverse. If you broke up with a guy and your friend wanted to date him, would you feel bad if you're no longer in love with the guy?

 

Or if you liked some guy but he shows interest in your friend, not in you, wouldn't you tell her "Go ahead, date him, I don't mind!"? Or would you prevent them from loving each other just because you saw the guy first?

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big_girls_rock
This is a bit off topic, I must admit. But I wonder for those who are opposed to dating a friends' ex, if they see a problem in the following situation:

What if you and your friend are both single and have the hots for the same (wo)man? Should both agree then not to pursue him?

 

 

 

Ive been in many situations like that with friends and I have ALWAYS given up my interest for that guy because I know how it feels. If a friend and I like the same guy and theres nothing between us I always " let her have him" guys come and go- a true friend stays true- period.

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No, it is NEVER Okay to date a friends ex.. It is the same with siblings ex's as well..

 

It is an unwritten rule nobody should break and if they do All Hell Will break loose in the friendship.

 

Totally agree with this.

 

If you are prepared to loose the friend over it then go for it, if you don't wanna cause any trouble/drama for anybody involved then don't.

 

It's your choice in the end.

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I've noticed that Europeans don't seem to have this kind of social taboo against dating a friend's ex, whereas Americans seem to disagree with the idea. Could be a coincidence, but I've noticed this before in other similarly related threads.

 

I think that in the U.S., and in other cultures as well, the concept of friendship means that you share many things but that you also respect any amount of emotional attachment a person might have toward an ex. In other cultures, however, a break-up means that the individual accepts the fact that they are never going to date that person again and that they should divorce themselves of attachment completely from that person and respect the fact that anyone - including their friend - has the opportunity to date that person. An interesting topic for further social and comparative cultural study, I think.

 

Me? I'm inclined to think as I've always been taught to think: never date a friend's ex unless a) you get permission from the friend, and/or b) you don't mind losing the friendship.

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I've noticed that Europeans don't seem to have this kind of social taboo against dating a friend's ex, whereas Americans seem to disagree with the idea. Could be a coincidence, but I've noticed this before in other similarly related threads.

 

Well, I am European and I would not date a friend's or sibling's ex. Besides the awkwardness if you were around your friend and your new partner, the thought that they were physically intimate would freak me out.

 

One time a friend and I met a nice guy. We both liked him but did not know who he was attracted to. Turns out he liked me but because I did not act interested he tried to make me jealous by hooking up with my friend. They only kissed but that totally blew his chances, I could never have kissed him after that. Would always have thought about whether he compared us or if he is kissing me a certain way because she used to like that. Ichsa! Too close for comfort.

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I wouldn't do it but I had a friend who did, and she just dumped him. He had it coming, being her rebound guy and all. Oh well, that's love for you...

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I personally would never date a friends ex. It's just off limits. A friends gf liked me and I liked her. We were close friends & both knew we felt eachother. We probably would have made a better couple than they were. He treated her like crap. But since it was his gf, I couldnt touch her.

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What if you and your friend are both single and have the hots for the same (wo)man? Should both agree then not to pursue him?

 

Hahaha this just happened to me recently. What a huge mistake. I got the guy but he dumped me after he got what he wanted from me. She held onto the grudge for a month. She was pissed, hurt and didnt say much about it. She let it all steam up in her. WE finally hashed it out.

 

She was mad because she was flirting heavily with him. I sat back and observed but didnt hear what was all going on. She ran off with a male friend to dance and he started talking to me and asked me to dance. So I accepted. We hit it right off the bat mutually. She was so upset she left the club early with her male friend and didnt tell any of us she left. We all freaked out cause we couldnt find her. I don't think she handled the situation like an adult. She acted like a teenage jealous girl who can't handle rejection.

 

I thought our friendship was doomed. I finally got upset enough with her that I wrote her a long email and I chewed her out. I put her in my shoes.... I also informed her of what HE said about her. She was then humbled.

 

I think she realized I took the brunt of being humiliated, used and lied too. She didnt have to experience that if she would have gotten his response. Also the following weekend she found herself a bf who is really into her. I told her HE was interested in her or attracted to her. I told her she cannot make a guy like her just because SHE thinks SHE is a good catch. Each man just like each woman has their own tastes in a mate.

 

I will pay better attention next time I am attracted to a guy and make sure non of my friends are after him..

 

I also will never knowingly date a man whom one of my friends has gone out with. I can't imagin her knowing what its like to kiss him, feel him, be close to him. let alone know what its like to sleep with him. YUCK.... What I do with my man I dont' want a family member or a friend knowing what I have..... I have a gf who stole a bf from me and also dated one after me. I didn't care about that. She can have him was my thought; cause I don't want him. I had him and he was yucky to me. But I don't want seconds and I dont want to be second to my gf....

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